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Avatar universal

Fear of loved ones dying

Hi all,
I'm new here but i thought id give this a try and see if anyone has any suggestions. I am 26 years old and as long as i can remember i have always STRESSED out about my familys well being. I know i can't control what happens but i see that now as i am getting older i stress about my family and loved ones dying on a daily basis. I know it might sound weird but you have no idea how bad this can get unless you go through what i go through everyday. It's getting to a point that i have panic attacks here n there. I am extremely close to my mother, father and sister and just the thought of them not being here scares me. I know this is a serious problem becuase i can't let go of it and i have tried over the years but the thought runs through my mind constantly. I was on anti depressants for a few months a couple years ago but decided to stop taking them. Does anyone have any suggestions? I want to enjoy the days i have with them right now and i dont want to waste time thinking of things that may or may not happen soon but i just can't stop on my own.
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Avatar universal
I am 11 years old, and for the past year I've been thinking of one of my loved ones dying i don't know why. Today was my brothers birthday and i prayed for him to have all his wants and needs,but after that i started thinking what if he dies on his 18th birthday, and i was like no, i am strong i can get past this, i replayed every single moment I've had with my bro to get rid of my mindset, i prayed and prayed to remove my mind from that thought but nothing worked, hopefully i will get past this in the morning and engage myself in an activity to remove that thought. I love my family i don't want anyone to die soon, make sure to live your life to the fullest and tell your loved ones that you love them everyday.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Hi, my name is Tiva. I'm 36. I'm digging your perspective on this topic. I to am very emotional and have been a visual thinker as far back as I can remember.
People in my life like to say words like "overthinking". Busying the mind is also my best way to seek relief.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I am 12 years old and I struggle with the same thing. My mom passed away when I was 2 years old and my mind has no remembrance or trace of her. My mom decide to raise me by herself when I was 1 and did not give any custody to my real father. She decided that he wasnt the right guy for her and left him. Things went downhill from there and she started making money on her own for her only child, me. Me and my mom lived with my grandparents and we were happy. Eventually she developed Pancreatitis and almost developed into Pancreatic cancer. She died before she had to go through that pain, thankfully. She told my grandparents to take care of me. They are both 62 now and I worry every single day about something happening to them and I cant imagine life without them. I also worry about when the rest of my family isnt here anymore and all the generations Ive ever known are gone. I'm not scared of my own death because I believe in God and Jesus Christ and I know I'm going to heaven, but I sorry about other people's deaths. I know, Im young but I have been through a lot and I know the pain youre feeling. I experience the same thing and its preventing me from having fun and ACTUALLY living life! But yea, I know how you feel.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am 13 years old and about six years ago my mother died from cancer. Ever since I have been horrified at the thought of losing anyone else. A few months ago I found out that my whole family has had cancer. My grandma just recently battled with it, she seems fine now but I know shes going to die soon. My grandpa is having his second battle. I did a lot of research on it and found out that hes going to die. I don't think about death like the rest of the world, for me it was a part of my life growing up. Well everyone around me is writing cards of encouragement I sit there watching his hand shake uncontrollably under the table. I hate death, and with death there's always funerals. I hate funerals. "They had a good life" they say. Now there life's over, there's nothing you can do. It's horrible and it sucks, but in the end there always something more. Experience. I don't sleep and I don't feel happy or healthy. I probably won't for a long time, but at the end, after he's dead, I'll come out a stronger person for it. Me and death have been friends for a long time. The people who haven't had to meet him yet are lucky. Don't kill yourself to be with the most important person in your world, don't harm yourself. It is pointless. Don't obsess over it, enjoy your cry, carry your headaches proudly, life could be worse. Life can always be worse.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am 13 years old and about six years ago my mother died from cancer. Ever since I've been horrified at the thought of losing anyone else. A few months ago I found out that my whole family has had cancer. My grandma just recently battled with it, she seems fine now but I know shes going to die soon. My grandpa is having his second battle. I did a lot of research on it and found out that he's going to die. I don't think about death like the rest of the world, for me it was a part of my life growing up. Well everyone around me is writing cards of encouragement I sit there watching his hand shake uncontrollably under the table. I hate death, and with death there's always funerals. I hate funerals. "They had a good life" they say. Now there life's over, there's nothing you can do. It's horrible and it sucks, but in the end there always something more. Experience. I don't sleep and I don't feel happy or healthy. I probably won't for a long time, but at the end, after he's dead, I'll come out a stronger person for it. Me and death have been friends for a long time. The people who haven't had to meet him yet are lucky. Don't kill yourself to be with the most important person in your world, don't harm yourself. It is pointless. Don't obsess over it, enjoy your cry, carry your headaches proudly, life could be worse. Life can always be worse.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My grandfather has been the ONLY person in this world who hasn't let me down. I was sure that "if" he died I would kill myself happily to be with him. Without him I'd have no purpose. Now I have a child so i cant leave her. I worry every night that he will die. Sometimes like now I cry my eyes out for hours planning and thinking about how heartbroken I will be when he passes. There is no one that I love the same way as I love my pop. I've cried to him countless times telling him please don't die. Call him on the bad nights and tell him to please stay alive tonight. He has done everything for me. I think now if I commit suicide my daughter wouldn't get my life insurance. Then I worry about her dying also. I'm on lamictal for bipolar disorder but, I have no characteristics of that. Just depression and anxiety. I can't take nights like this anymore.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It is a life you have to face the every phase of it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can relate with you so much.  I have this same constant fear of my dad dying that started maybe half a year ago..it was strange because I always had the realization everyone will die one day but never really thought about it with my dad deeply until then. My dad owns a bread route so he drives at wacky hours in the middle of the night and for some reason I kept having these recurring thought/fears that something horrible might happen to him while working and he might get into a fatal crash. Horrible to think about, and I felt guilty and upset for even having these thoughts, so I would always try and combat them with sending positive thoughts and energy to my dad. Then a few months go by and my dad gets into a car wreck while working...lets just say with how the circumstances were he is extremely lucky he made it out alive. This happened not even a month ago and I'm still freaked out. I just wonder if I somehow intuitively knew something bad was going to happen? And you'd think I would feel better now but I feel as though it might just be getting worse. Some days it is not really bad but others i'm just constantly worried that my dad might be hurt or worse. I wonder if maybe it is because I'm at college now and this is the first year I havent lived with my dad. I dont know, I just hope this is just a stage in my life that I will get through and overcome, because I don't want the time I do have with my dad to be tainted by this unnecessary fear thats recently crept into my life involuntarily :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can definitely relate, I have struggled with this fear for many years now; it affects me everyday. It used to be so crippling that I would have to take an occasional day off of work or school. The fear has gotten a little bit less within the past year or so. A thought that occurred to me today is that, after they die, I will have a family of my own, so I will not be left alone. I will also have my siblings and cousins still here. This is soothing to me because they are an "extension" of my parents, both body and spirit.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Has he experienced anything traumatic in the past few years? Or maybe not even "traumatic" per say. When I was 8 I was in a motorcycle accident, the man on the bike with me passed away. That taught me very quickly how fast death can happen. That one moment, everything is fine- and the next he wasn't there anymore. This experience, by the time I was about 9 or 10 left me in crippling fear every time my mom would leave for work because I'd be afraid I'd never see her again. I had a whole goodbye "ritual" for everything she left the house, or the room for that matter. I'm 18 now and even still the last think I say to mom before ending a conversation is "I love you," just in case that's the last thing I'll ever get to say. You might want to get your son into a child counselor. He might actually have depression or anxiety. (A lot of people are under the misconception that this is an "adult disorder," but it can effect people of all ages.)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have these same fears as well. At some point almost every day they creep into my head. I worry most about my mom and husband. I don't know what I would do without either of them. I have struggled with anxiety (sometimes severe) on and off ever since I became a mother over 13 years ago. This compounds my fears because I also feel like I can't take care of myself without those people, so part of my fear is also selfish in a way. I'm afraid when the day comes that mother passes I might just totally lose it. I don't know how I'll get through a funeral or how I'll help my son and the rest of my family cope. It seems as though I'm not living for the moment anymore because I'm so fearful of the inevitable future. It's a little scary to have these fears as a grown woman. I've been able to be a stay at home mom for 13 years, so another fear is how I could possibly support myself and my son should something happen to my husband. How could I possibly re-enter the workforce with my severe anxiety after all these years? All of these things just pile up in my mind and the future just feels overwhelming. Anyone else?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a 10 year old son who is typically a very happy athletic, smart kid!  For the past 3 months or more, he has been randomly crying because he is afraid that his parents (me and his dad) and his grandparents are going to die. None of us have been diagnosed with any illness recently, so he has no reason to worry about illness and death. He is a very compassionate, sensitive, and thoughtful boy. The outbursts of tears are quite random.  We could be watching a TV program that has nothing to do with death and he'll begin crying.  He has cried during church if the priest talks about death or has cried even when he wasn't talking about death.  Daily he plays with neighborhood friends or goes to the YMCA to play, or has a basketball or baseball practice, or some days we're at home after school.  We've been on a 2 1/2 week Christmas break, which maybe has provided him with too much free time to "think."  He has been on an asthma-preventative medicine, Singular, for about 3 years, which has been know to cause mood swings, so we are going to try a new medication for that to see if it helps.  In 2013, between my husband and me, we did lose 3 grandparents (his great grandparents).  Has anyone had a child this young experience this anxiety of death?  Is it really that maybe he just doesn't understand how he can love his parents and grandparents so much?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi, I read all the messages while sobbing in my room at night and even though it's good to know I'm not alone feeling like this, I can't say that I've found a way out of it. This is such a different fear compared to anything else, because there is no escape from it. The thing we fear will happen. It's just a question of when.

I don't even know what I fear the most anymore, my own death or the death of my family. I really love them all so so much and I saw that many of the comments before mine said they were afraid of an accident or something of the sort happening. My biggest problem is that I don't stress about an accident but just when the day comes that they are old and die. I'm not religious but I'd want to be, because then I'd have faith that I would see them again, but now I just feel like it will be the end of us as a family and I will never hear them laugh or get to tell them anything ever again. I don't think I will survive that.

Even the thought of leaving my little sisters behind terrifies me to a point where I can't function properly. I have never in my life felt such emotional pain that it actually hurts so much that I have cried my eyes out every day for over a week now. I fear the time of the day that I'm supposed to go to sleep because that's when it's the worst and I just feel like going to sleep next to my parents but I don't dare because even at daytime I feel like bursting to tears when I look at them.

I feel like I am wasting my time and all this thinking is pointless, and even though I would give anything to be with them forever, that's not going to happen. The fear has crippled me and I don't know what to do. All this started so suddenly and I'm starting to panic that I will be like this for the rest of my life.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi ,that's has to be the worst feeling ..I know myself whst this feels like ,the anxiety it causes ..I found reading the bible comforting ,or focusing on something positive and not dwell on it one moment at a time while the episode lasts ,Its been a while since you posted this. ..hope you are are less anxious !

Natascha
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am 14 and have the same problem. I am always stressed that some or all of my family will die. I forced my parents to install many more smoke alarms because I thought that they would all burn to death. Also I am scared that if I ring or text my mum or dad while they're out they'll will crash their car and die. This is the worst one, my mum has been depressed for a year now and every time my parents argue my mum will sometimes go out to have some alone time. Every time I am scared she will commit suicide.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
how are your worries since this last post you made?  I go through the same.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Same here friends. I have been developing this thought for a while and with each day passing, the fear grows more intense and now i have been caught in a pool of depression. Even i cant study properly. I am not living my present life and would always dream of the years in my teens which i spend with them. I am 22 now and it look like  the last breath i breath was at the age of 18. Plz help me guys.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I cried all day reading these comments. I often feel i'm the byproduct of a failed experiment, much like everyone else. I envy those with faith because some of you guys have found peace with the concept of death, reassured there's an afterlife. I wish I could share the same thoughts as you guys, as an atheist.  Recently I've been losing consciousness in and out, no idea why, could be anything.   I used to think I was impervious to sickness and disease due to my healthy lifestyle, but it was just a big headed phase. The feeling of losing consciousness and almost blacking out is a kin to having a near death experience, I wonder. my loss of consciousness is a kin to extreme  light headed ness, to the point it forces me to sit down and recollect my self. If thats what I near death experience sort of feels like, I do not like it at all and am not prepared for the ultimate ride.  Whats really ****** up is that death is an immutable constant in everyone lives, and theres absolutely nothing that we can do to change this
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I feel the same way. I am now sharing a room with my dad and when I imagine one day that he wasn't beside me or close to me, I break down and and cry. I tried everything to solve my problem I tried family talks, reading the bible, praying but all of them failed. I just want to stop this. I don't understand why. When I try to forget it something tells me that if I don't think about this now , I would have to think about this in the future. It keeps telling me that eventually I have to this about that. I always thought that the way I could prevent feeling pain is to die before they do. I am also afraid that I one day lose my grandfather who is 71 which is more scarier since he is older and less stronger
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi All,

the same thing happens with me too,
and this is going on for quite sometime now.
To add to it this thing is getting worse day by day, for ex: even if i am buying something.
I select may b a dress and suddenly a bad thought of someone close to me dying flashes and i leave that dress and buy something which does not remind me or flash any bad memory.

Things are getting worse day by day, please help if anyone can
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello , I dont know if anyone else has this happening to them...I see my family drive off after i say good bye and a have a mental image appears ... for example as i watch my  wife, parents , sisters or inlaws .. pull  out of a drive way or drive off down the street turning a cnr i would get this visual image (like a video) playing in my head seeing them being collected by another car or truck or if im driving thru a intersection on a stale green light..  I  visualize going thru and having some one t-bone me .... does any one have the same thing happen to them .... i dread these images ... I never have dreams about this and only happens when i am awake and see them drive off ... and i say G*d forbid because i worried it will now happen because i thought about it
Helpful - 0
9118730 tn?1401800652
I understand how you feel as we all fear that. But you must also remember that you have a life to live and a responsibility to be the best person you can be. Death is inevitable and we will all go through it. Worrying about it would only be a waste of time as it is something that we won't be able to control. Instead, make the best of your time with all your love ones.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I used to have dreams about my kids dying, then I found out what that dream meant, it meant that I have a very close relationship with my kids. I dont have those kinds of dreams anymore.

Try listening to some relaxation music,  it does help.
good luck to you all. And if any of you would like to add me to your friends list please do so
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Nice to not feel alone. I've been this way since birth and at least for me it has gotten better (to a degree). I remember being 5 or 6 and getting up at 6am everyday for months on end continuously yelling to my father " I love you, I love you" as he'd drive off to work just in case I never saw him again.
     I do have OCD and this does contribute to the problem and is also part of the reason I've never really been able to create and keep long term relationships and friendships. I'm now 38 and have pretty much spent the past 20 years by myself slowly losing contact with any friends I once had. Don't get me wrong I do love my family (probably too much) but have found it to be safer for my sanity to not get too close to anyone.
     This can be a lonely existance for some and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. I have found it has worked for me in the past but barely. Recently I have been feeling like I am missing out on too much life has to offer and am gradually taking steps to mend relationships I have let slip away.
     Feel bad for my parents as my two brothers are just like me though I can feel a change coming soon ( I hope).
Helpful - 0

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