Is today the day?

[inneedofhelp82]

I have my plan made everything ready, too many emotions and memories from my past i am too damaged to be ever good or right again, just don't care anymore. I was supposed to call my social worker today but i don't want too i want to be free from this.

[metalfan1]

I want you to know that whatever you're planning you should stop and think about your 6 loving children. They want and need their mom. Think of them and find strength to survive awhile longer until you get some professional help. There is always help. And to answer your question today is not the day, I wont let it be. I'm here to listen to you. I know that when I wanted to die having someone to listen to me helped me out through my most darkest and painful times. Send me a message so we can talk. I beg you please don't do it. I don't even know you and I am crying over your pain and what you are saying. I hope you read this.

[gandolfication]

Some of the people who have been most helpful to me in my desperate moments are the other people who have been the most damaged.  What if you can be there not only to feel better but to help someone else like yourself in need?

It is interesting and in some way encouraging to see how many people have experienced suicidal thoughts, are still persevering and are willing to share in this forum.  I to have felt this way most of the time for the last 2-3 years.  I am a lawyer who has worked very hard and done well.  Life used to be easy.  Than it all fell apart for me emotionally and psychologically and professionally.  I couldn't cope.  Depression and anxiety overwhelmed me and I couldn't function.  I ended up checking myself into a hospital because I wanted so badly to end the pain and misery I felt in life.

I still struggle almost every day with the intense pressure and stress and most of the time pain and fear the life produces.  How often I've thought it would be better to end it cleanly and painlessly.

I'm glad I did that rather than acting on the intense feelings. There are moments in life that remind me--however fleetingly--that there are compelling reasons to live.  People.   Love.  Beauty.  Art.  And most of all for me, the friendship I've found in family and a couple of friends who have struggled with their own difficult experience.  It has made it worth being here.

I don't have all the answers, but I want to tell you what I think I've learned.  There is hope and help.  If you have parents or teachers or a counselor or a doctor or therapist you could go to, do it.  Take the risk.  You have nothing to lose except the fear of inaction.  Stay plugged in to this forum, as it looks like it is a source of love and warmth and connection with people who understand.  Try not to compare your insides to others' outsides.  We all do this, but realize that most people are hurting in some way and many people very deeply, just like you.  This is the fragile beauty of life.  I call it beautiful because of this.  The fact that you're still here, hanging on, and the fact that so many of us feel this immense pain and yet one of the things we fear if we're honest, is death.  The fact that we fear death is because at least subconsciously, we still love life.  You have something to add.

I'm glad I'm still here for my wife and daughters and other family and friends who love me.  I assure you there is someone in your life who would be devastated if you weren't here any more.  They love you.  People in this community love you.  There are things to look forward to in your life.

Thank you for sharing with us and giving us the opportunity to connect with you as human beings.  It enriches us.  We are better for having crossed your path in this life.  I have been dealing with some tremendous depression and anxiety today and feeling much the same as you.  Reading your struggle and seeing that you're still fighting is giving me the courage to keep going.  I hope that maybe my words will do this for you just today just 1%.  If they do, then my day is better and my reason for being here today is complete.  I wish for you some happiness.