You're not coping either way. Maybe calling the police and starting the process would give you some closure, eventually.
Enjoy respite. I'm sure all this stuff with your T will be resolved once you start talking to him again.
I'll hear from you in the weekend, or when ever, then.
I hope you have a good time when you are away, i am the same with flying but once i was in the air i was ok i just tried to distract myself as much as possible, flying is said to be the safest form of transport.
I go to respite in a few hours i don't want to go my panic attacks are quite bad and i don't like being away from home and there are different people there all the time i don't like that.
I have my therapist tomorrow and we will probably sort out what is happening with a new therapist then i am fed up with it all now i just feel like giving up on it all.
The situation with my mother i think is unfixable i never told them anything because they are really unsupportive and make me feel worse about myself. She doesn't know how bad my mental health is and i wouldn't allow my therapist to tell her, she thinks i am weak for needing a therapist and having panic attacks she doesn't know the half of it or the fact that her lack of love when i was growing up probably contributed to the whole thing. She said too much has happened to forgive me although i am still unsure of what i have done apart from not apologizing for my partners behaviour, she said i was just like him. I'm not really bothered about her anymore i am just going to focus on my children. There is things she should know but i don't think she could cope and she would blame me and i really don't need that now, i was tempted to phone the police and report someone for stuff that happened but my partner and therapist said not to unless i can deal with it and i know i can't, not yet..
I'm not sure about therapy anymore or respite i want to stay in my own world i feel safer there.
I am sure you will cope fine on the plane, just think of nice thoughts.
I shall be back during the weekend and i will post then, sometime before you go. Have a good day. Take care
Family dynamics can be complicated. I guess, at times, that is more true of families who have a member with mental health issues. I think our issues often reflect the sum of everything that is wrong with everyone.
When I have needed help the most the mhs have rejected me, or so it seemed. I think for the most part that they just don't get it.
What about transferring to that other T? Surely now would be as good a time as any.
If you stood back and looked at things you could possibly see that both you and your parents are being quite immature about how you are dealing with the situation. Maybe you should write to them disclosing stuff??
I'm feeling OK today. Have been stressing big time. I think I'm quite anxious about flying. Doesn't help that there's been stuff on the TV about planes crashing and people dying. I have problems with people sitting so close too I think. Hopefully it won't be unbearable. And not being able to leave. Being in such a confined space, and in the air, makes me feel a little powerless. Most of this is irrational.
I go on Tuesday my time. I'm not sure if I will have time to post Tuesday morning or what the internet access is going to be like where I'm going. I will try and post before I go some time.
We've been painting the bathroom so have been busy today. Is good to stay a little occupied I guess. Takes my mind off other stuff, like packing. I still don't have my passport or driver's license (that I had to renew because it expired while I was away).
I hardly slept all night i tried to talk to my mother yesterday because she upset my daughter yesterday by talking about me, so i called her to try and clear the air, but it was no good she wants nothing more to do with me she said alot of hurtful things and as usual i said nothing because i didn't want to hurt her, so i guess that is that.
It leaves me feeling very lost and alone i know she wasn't much use before but they were there now they are not.
I sometimes wonder why there is mental health service, they are only there when it suits them, my therapist was good before i got really bad and really needed him, i have been thinking alot about them as well, but i am stuck with them if i leave them, then i really am alone. My mother has been telling all my relatives how bad i am, what right does she have, but then again i never fitted there either. She is angry at me mostly because i never apologized to her for my partners behaviour, there is alot she never apologized for to me. Anyway that is that i need to get used to it.
How are things with you? Do you go soon? I hope you have a good day.
I have those days and moments too.
I think the problem lies with your treatment team. That is how I use to feel until I had one decent T who was able to help. It changed my whole perspective.
It is not you. There is nothing wrong with you. This is just an emotional thing, feeling up and down and goodness only knows what. Hang in there, things do get better.
I kind of feel like giving up today i am so tired and so depressed i'm a bit like the weather i change so quick, its even more frustrating when i thought i was ok only to wake up and feel like this. There's not much point in me talking about this, it really is pointless i'm going around in circles and going no where. So i won't even bother all is pointless, social worker, therapist i am wasting their time its obvious i can't be helped, i am totally useless.
Couldn't be bothered anymore. .