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I am too angry to speak to my mum, maybe in a few months time but not now, she has never been any support to me, i have tried to please her all my life and i have never been good enough, there are too many issues surrounding it. For a while i was taking the children around, then two weeks ago she called and expected me to apologise for my partner, why should i?
I was more social than i am now, i was anxious but being there helped, i loved the music the people and feeling normal i did panic sometimes but it was a challenge, i made friends but only on a superficial level they never really knew me but it didn't matter.
I got four hours sleep last night but i am going to watch a movie before bed tonight not scary this time.
My social worker really likes my partner, annoys me a bit i can't tell her anything because i know she likes him and i am afraid she won't believe me, what i did tell my therapist he told my social worker and then they passed it on, so i'm not sure whether to trust him or not, he gave information to the police before too i know he had too but it caused stress for me. I was assaulted then the police got my mental health files read my notes and accused me of having an affair, doesn't make sense does it, so instead of looking for my attacker they looked into my life my background and have came up with nothing, it got so bad my therapist wrote a letter of complaint to them so did the doctor, then my therapist called a meeting with the police to explain a bit about me and that my silence was my defensive side and not a sign that i was withholding information, so now i have no faith in the police either.
The police are still supposedly investigating the assault.
I hope you have a good day. Sorry for going on.
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Avatar universal
I don't usually see my GP in town.  It was awkward because he asked a question on the move.  I try to protect his privacy but I don't know if that's what he wants.

You need catches or security locks on your windows.  My nephew is nearly three and is into everything.

The letter was for my finger not the mh stuff.

Which is why medication to help the anxiety/ panic would be a good idea.

I don't have children.  I do have a mother though!  Take care.
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Avatar universal
Its warmer with you than us it was 3oC this morning but it rose to 17oC this afternoon it was a nice day but i am too anxious to enjoy it, i went to the town but my 3yr old is a nightmare and he stresses me out he is so hard to watch and screams when you i try to leave the shops, yesterday he climbed out of our living room window and he went for the road but a woman saw him and took him of the road to the park nearby where my daughter was we were looking everywhere for him so now we can't even leave him in the living room on his own.
It was nice of your old T to e-mail you, you get awkward seeing your GP like me and my therapist.
Does that mean you will get treatment soon and will you find out what type of treatment you will get? I hope it doesn't take too long you have waited long enough. Things like post going to the wrong address happens here too its so frustrating.
I guess i have my therapist for so long i don't want another one because he knows me and he knows how my mind works and i really don't want to start over with someone else, i suppose i trust him as much as i will trust anyone ever. I agree maybe hospital is safest place and possibly thats where they will put me if it doesn't go well in the other place but i will wait and see. I am anxious thinking about the therapy even
before it happens it makes my panic attacks worse.
I hope your mothers day goes well. 3am that would be early i be lucky if i am asleep at 3am, I hope you have a good day and i am glad that at last you heard about your treatment.
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Avatar universal
My finger is really, really sore.  Apparently the funding has been accepted for it though so I can now access treatment.  They sent the letter to the wrong address which has meant a 10 day delay.  Really annoyed about that.
I was fuming, then I saw my doctor in the supermarket.
In time you will.  I still think that hospital is the best and safest place for you to do this work in.
It probably will make you feel worse for a bit.  It can take time for us to process stuff.  That is probably why hospital is the better option for you.
Maybe just set yourself small goals.  Maybe go a distance you feel comfortable with and then extend it a little more each time.  If it starts to feel scary again, then pull back.

Yes, I got some wood in.  Gee, typing is hurting my finger and hand (where I got a blister from digging the other day).
It feels cold although we've only had a couple of light frosts.  It is suppose to be 8 oC tomorrow morning which probably isn't too bad.

Town was pretty stressful after I saw my GP there.  He did stop and say HI though.  It was a bit strange and awkward.  I'll talk to him about it next week if I remember.
I received a lengthy e-mail from my old T.  It was nice of her to respond to my e-mail.

It sounds as though you have a reasonable relationship with him.  Maybe his consistency has allowed you to trust him a little?

Not looking forward to tomorrow.  Everyone will be ringing to speak to mum.  It will be horrible.  Plus she has requested breakfast in bed at 3am.  It was kind of a joke as she's been waking up early.
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Avatar universal
I meant to say he is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist but he has a lot of experience he worked in a trauma centre before he works where he does now so he spent years helping people with CBT for trauma which is why he thinks he can help me as i have PTSD. He was orignally treating me for argraphobia and panic attacks and then he discovered there was alot more to my problems than he thought so he has been supporting me ever since, even when i haven't been recieving therapy from him, like when i was pregnant he met with me every 6 weeks or so just to make sure i had been coping so he has done alot for me so i would feel let down if he changed now.
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Avatar universal
That makes alot of sense the grounding bit because he doesn't want me to get to upset and he doesn't talk about the stuff that we are going to talk about in the intensive stuff with me in his office he wants to wait until i am in that other place so maybe you are right.
Your therapist sounds like they were really good, i think mine is afraid of me well afraid to push me anyway but then the way i have been lately i don't blame him.
I think its good to see your GP regularly espically when you don't feel so good at least his support is better than nothing at all, i used to see my GP more when i was really anxious and stressed but now i have the therapist so i contact him now because if i go to my GP he tells me to contact my therapist anyway. How is your finger now?
Thats right its your Saturday and its early Saturday morning with me well its quarter to one in the morning, i need to go to bed soon, our Mothers day was in March, good thing really as mine isn't speaking to me now.
I know i probably need a safe place but i am really scared of the hospital so i hope he doesn't send me there, i know the respite place might be ok but i will panic there and i will run when i get too scared and if i have too many thoughts about what we talk about i don't know if i will cope, i wish i could be stronger and deal with this better but maybe in time i hope.
My social worker is afraid that i am putting to much hope on the intensive therapy she said i should just see it has the beginning of my journey on the road to recovery i am afraid i will feel worse it makes me anxious to think about it.
I had a strange evening i didn't like being away from home and we walked a short distance and i was so anxious then the argraphobia sets in and i get dizzy and i wanted to go home and i wouldn't walk any further then i feel bad for giving into it so now i just feel depressed.
Did you get the firewood sorted? Is it cold with you yet? We are still waiting on warmer weather here it is so cold still.
I hope you enjoy your day in town.
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Avatar universal
It seemed like he may have been impatient.  You won't know unless you ask him though.  Maybe he's tired and it was a stressful or particularly long week for week.
I think it was a strategy to get you out of the space you were in.  He probably didn't want to allow you to get too upset because he knows he can't deal with that in the current setting.  It could have just be a technique to help ground you.
I always had trouble listening to my T when I was too overwhelmed and too anxious.
She would have me sit with my thoughts though.  And try and help me work through them.

Hopefully the new car will be OK.  Buying a new car can be stressful.

Is your T a nurse or a psychologist?  Or has he trained in both?

They probably wouldn't notice.  People get distracted.  You could probably slip away unnoticed, for a bit anyway.  That is my concern.  I feel you need to be somewhere where you can't go anywhere.  Force you to deal with your fears and anxieties and not keep running from them.  And where you will be safe.

The meds I elected to take myself for anxiety and sleep have helped.
I felt the antidepressants made me worse.

I've been seeing my GP each week.  I was planning to space my visits out but I think because I haven't been feeling that great it's a good idea to see him regularly.  At this point it helps us keep in touch about the review and other stuff that is going on for me.  My infected finger, iron deficiency, etc.

It is suppose to rain here today so my plan is to put the rest of the firewood in a shed.  Then go to town.  Is mother's day here tomorrow so I should look at getting mum something.
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