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I am too angry to speak to my mum, maybe in a few months time but not now, she has never been any support to me, i have tried to please her all my life and i have never been good enough, there are too many issues surrounding it. For a while i was taking the children around, then two weeks ago she called and expected me to apologise for my partner, why should i?
I was more social than i am now, i was anxious but being there helped, i loved the music the people and feeling normal i did panic sometimes but it was a challenge, i made friends but only on a superficial level they never really knew me but it didn't matter.
I got four hours sleep last night but i am going to watch a movie before bed tonight not scary this time.
My social worker really likes my partner, annoys me a bit i can't tell her anything because i know she likes him and i am afraid she won't believe me, what i did tell my therapist he told my social worker and then they passed it on, so i'm not sure whether to trust him or not, he gave information to the police before too i know he had too but it caused stress for me. I was assaulted then the police got my mental health files read my notes and accused me of having an affair, doesn't make sense does it, so instead of looking for my attacker they looked into my life my background and have came up with nothing, it got so bad my therapist wrote a letter of complaint to them so did the doctor, then my therapist called a meeting with the police to explain a bit about me and that my silence was my defensive side and not a sign that i was withholding information, so now i have no faith in the police either.
The police are still supposedly investigating the assault.
I hope you have a good day. Sorry for going on.
I was more social than i am now, i was anxious but being there helped, i loved the music the people and feeling normal i did panic sometimes but it was a challenge, i made friends but only on a superficial level they never really knew me but it didn't matter.
I got four hours sleep last night but i am going to watch a movie before bed tonight not scary this time.
My social worker really likes my partner, annoys me a bit i can't tell her anything because i know she likes him and i am afraid she won't believe me, what i did tell my therapist he told my social worker and then they passed it on, so i'm not sure whether to trust him or not, he gave information to the police before too i know he had too but it caused stress for me. I was assaulted then the police got my mental health files read my notes and accused me of having an affair, doesn't make sense does it, so instead of looking for my attacker they looked into my life my background and have came up with nothing, it got so bad my therapist wrote a letter of complaint to them so did the doctor, then my therapist called a meeting with the police to explain a bit about me and that my silence was my defensive side and not a sign that i was withholding information, so now i have no faith in the police either.
The police are still supposedly investigating the assault.
I hope you have a good day. Sorry for going on.
Maybe once you are more stable??
I know what you mean. It also fills in quite a large chunk of your day or gives your life some meaning.
You must be feeling quite tired again. Lack of sleep can make people more vulnerable. I had a pretty sleepless night which didn't help.
No, no problem. The police treating you like that would feel like a betrayal and would leave you feeling really bad. I know I think that people think everything is my fault because I have mh issues. They seem to think that because I have issues that that absolves them of all blame or responsibility. This has caused so much damage to me. It has also made trusting quite difficult. I was lucky my last T came alone when she did. She was good. Helped me see it wasn't my fault but the services and how they were treating me.
One lady here got gang raped by police. Of course people never believed her and she finally got her case taken to court and the cops ended up in prison. It took years though and it must have taken a huge emotional toll.
I know what you mean. It also fills in quite a large chunk of your day or gives your life some meaning.
You must be feeling quite tired again. Lack of sleep can make people more vulnerable. I had a pretty sleepless night which didn't help.
No, no problem. The police treating you like that would feel like a betrayal and would leave you feeling really bad. I know I think that people think everything is my fault because I have mh issues. They seem to think that because I have issues that that absolves them of all blame or responsibility. This has caused so much damage to me. It has also made trusting quite difficult. I was lucky my last T came alone when she did. She was good. Helped me see it wasn't my fault but the services and how they were treating me.
One lady here got gang raped by police. Of course people never believed her and she finally got her case taken to court and the cops ended up in prison. It took years though and it must have taken a huge emotional toll.
The police caused me so much stress i didn't trust them to start with and they made it worse. Its been six months and they are no further forward with the case. I was so tired yesterday and i couldn't sleep last night, my social worker rang this morning and i was annoyed at her she is so positive at least you don't feel worse she says, i said and is that supposed to be a good thing i feel terrible and i had a bad weekend, i told her some stuff but i angry at her too not sure why though i know she is trying to help.
I eventually got out of bed and went to town before the social services people came out it went ok. I bought my children some new clothes makes me feel good, i hate buying clothes for myself nothing looks right on me so i don't bother, makes me feel depressed when i try things on and look terrible.
I think the police thought they could treat me whatever they wanted because i have mental health issues i was so glad my therapist stuck up for me, they must have been so annoyed at him complaining because when i tried to contact them after she said she wasn't allowed to talk to me until she got permission from my therapist, serves her right.
I hope you have a good day.
I eventually got out of bed and went to town before the social services people came out it went ok. I bought my children some new clothes makes me feel good, i hate buying clothes for myself nothing looks right on me so i don't bother, makes me feel depressed when i try things on and look terrible.
I think the police thought they could treat me whatever they wanted because i have mental health issues i was so glad my therapist stuck up for me, they must have been so annoyed at him complaining because when i tried to contact them after she said she wasn't allowed to talk to me until she got permission from my therapist, serves her right.
I hope you have a good day.
I expect you're angry because her comments felt invalidating. I would feel pretty angry if someone said that to me, especially when I'm struggling. Actually I was angry with my GP when I was having a had time coping with all the suicidal stuff and he told me that I knew he needed his break. And what about me I'm screaming inside. When is my break, when do I get support? How nice just to have a break.
You possibly don't look that bad. You may have distorted just how bad you do look. My GP says I do that with weight. I think he's lying but who knows. I think he under-estimates while I overestimate.
If you initiate contact though they should talk to you. Sounds messed up. Sounds like your T may have taken a little too much control away from you. Maybe a good thing if it worked to your advantage.
I need to go. I have my GP appointment later and don't want to be late. Will let you know how I get on.
You possibly don't look that bad. You may have distorted just how bad you do look. My GP says I do that with weight. I think he's lying but who knows. I think he under-estimates while I overestimate.
If you initiate contact though they should talk to you. Sounds messed up. Sounds like your T may have taken a little too much control away from you. Maybe a good thing if it worked to your advantage.
I need to go. I have my GP appointment later and don't want to be late. Will let you know how I get on.
Yeah the world to her is all nice she has no idea what i go through, last week i told her i was struggling and she made me sign a no suicide contract, where was the sense in that. When i was on the phone to her today i told her i was still in bed and that i was struggling and she didn't know what to say apart from take control i feel like shouting at her don't you listen to me? Maybe i will have more luck with my therapist tomorrow. I am overweight but not too bad but i hate my body, my partner is happy with the way i look or so he says but he knows it stresses me and at times he uses the fact that it hurts me in the past by making comments on me.
I don't want to call the police they stress me so i will wait on them to call me if the ever do, they will probably wait until i have had therapy and then come back and start me of again.
At that point my therapist needed to take control, i cried our full session that day something i never do i just couldn't believe the way they treated me and a social worker was present its the law as i have mental health issues, she confirmed everything i said thats why a complaint letter was sent, then two weeks after i disappeared for 7 hours with the intent to kill myself the police were called my cousin found me and i was put in
hospital, well i was talked into going voluntarly, not that it done me any good. I have to control my urges now to disappear as i don't want the police looking for me or anyone else.I hope it went well at the GP's. Have a good day.
I don't want to call the police they stress me so i will wait on them to call me if the ever do, they will probably wait until i have had therapy and then come back and start me of again.
At that point my therapist needed to take control, i cried our full session that day something i never do i just couldn't believe the way they treated me and a social worker was present its the law as i have mental health issues, she confirmed everything i said thats why a complaint letter was sent, then two weeks after i disappeared for 7 hours with the intent to kill myself the police were called my cousin found me and i was put in
hospital, well i was talked into going voluntarly, not that it done me any good. I have to control my urges now to disappear as i don't want the police looking for me or anyone else.I hope it went well at the GP's. Have a good day.
My GP is just going to refer me to get me finger ultra sounded.
He didn't bother asking about the review. Was a bit angry about that.
He didn't bother asking about the review. Was a bit angry about that.
How have you been thats frustrating that he didn't ask about the review, when will they ultra sound your finger?
It went ok at respite i went at 12pm yesterday and came back at 12.30pm i was so bored. My therapist came out yesterday and talked about stuff i wanted to avoid, then in the evening i took a panic attack and went to be and slept for two hours then i woke feeling sick, i stayed in my room alot and then watched tv and talked to staff until 1am i couldn't sleep, i fell asleep about 3am and woke at 7am when the staff came in to see how i was. Then my social worker came at 11.30 and we talked for a while then she left me home so it was ok, i am very tired today and frustrated though i'm not sure why. The staff are nice but i am glad to be home.
I hope all is well with you even though you never heard about the review. Hav
It went ok at respite i went at 12pm yesterday and came back at 12.30pm i was so bored. My therapist came out yesterday and talked about stuff i wanted to avoid, then in the evening i took a panic attack and went to be and slept for two hours then i woke feeling sick, i stayed in my room alot and then watched tv and talked to staff until 1am i couldn't sleep, i fell asleep about 3am and woke at 7am when the staff came in to see how i was. Then my social worker came at 11.30 and we talked for a while then she left me home so it was ok, i am very tired today and frustrated though i'm not sure why. The staff are nice but i am glad to be home.
I hope all is well with you even though you never heard about the review. Hav
OK. Have been binge eating lots. Will start my diet today ... maybe.
Not sure about my finger. They may have tried to call while I've been on the internet.
If you're bored then you need to find something to occupy yourself. Boredom, or lack of mental or physical stimulation, drains me too.
Not sure why you're frustrated either. I should get my butt out of the house and go for a walk. I had to stay home yesterday because a guy was installing our shower and my parents had put heaps of electric fences across our driveway ... and the guy had had heart problems. Which the electricity may have messed with.
Anyway, I need to go get some exercise and get off the internet before my parents come back.
Not sure about my finger. They may have tried to call while I've been on the internet.
If you're bored then you need to find something to occupy yourself. Boredom, or lack of mental or physical stimulation, drains me too.
Not sure why you're frustrated either. I should get my butt out of the house and go for a walk. I had to stay home yesterday because a guy was installing our shower and my parents had put heaps of electric fences across our driveway ... and the guy had had heart problems. Which the electricity may have messed with.
Anyway, I need to go get some exercise and get off the internet before my parents come back.
Did you go for a walk? I would love to walk but i panic so i don't go, last year i could waqlk for miles now i won't walk as far as the end of our street.
I tried reading when i was away but it bored me so did the tv and so did the people they are so different from me all with their own issues different than mine and all men which didn't help, i did talk to the staff a bit they are nice enough. Yeah i will go there for the intensive therapy well i hope i will.
Hope all is well.
I tried reading when i was away but it bored me so did the tv and so did the people they are so different from me all with their own issues different than mine and all men which didn't help, i did talk to the staff a bit they are nice enough. Yeah i will go there for the intensive therapy well i hope i will.
Hope all is well.
I went for a slow run. My leg felt a bit better but is still not right.
I know what you mean. I have heard that the only way to confront stuff though is by addressing it head on. To go through it.
The doctor on the mental health expert forum says that fear/ anxiety is created by irrational beliefs. Likely what we stress and panic about won't happen.
All is OK. I'm trying not to be such a big pig today. So far I haven't had too much extra rubbish. Dr Gould said that I need to stop doing what isn't helping and I guess do more of what does help. I don't interpret his comments very well so you may like to check some of them out yourself.
I know what you mean. I have heard that the only way to confront stuff though is by addressing it head on. To go through it.
The doctor on the mental health expert forum says that fear/ anxiety is created by irrational beliefs. Likely what we stress and panic about won't happen.
All is OK. I'm trying not to be such a big pig today. So far I haven't had too much extra rubbish. Dr Gould said that I need to stop doing what isn't helping and I guess do more of what does help. I don't interpret his comments very well so you may like to check some of them out yourself.
Its good you can run at least you exercise.
I am really depressed today weird i felt ok this morning and i went to town, i had planned to go with my partner to his mothers but now his brothers are here and i don't want to go i want to go to my bed i feel uncomfortable and emotional thats weird i have no reason too.
No, phone call today either i will call him on Monday or Tuesday if i don't hear from him its a bank holiday Monday so he might not be working or i will mention it to the social worker next time she calls. I thought i was doing ok but obviously not i feel like i am back to the start now.
I hope all is well with you.
I am really depressed today weird i felt ok this morning and i went to town, i had planned to go with my partner to his mothers but now his brothers are here and i don't want to go i want to go to my bed i feel uncomfortable and emotional thats weird i have no reason too.
No, phone call today either i will call him on Monday or Tuesday if i don't hear from him its a bank holiday Monday so he might not be working or i will mention it to the social worker next time she calls. I thought i was doing ok but obviously not i feel like i am back to the start now.
I hope all is well with you.
I'm just going slow at the moment. I don't want to do more damage to my leg.
There will be a reason. It could be due to the change in plan or having more men in the house or ... ?? A number of other reasons.
You go through peaks and troughs and plateaus. It's life.
I had a call from the medical centre yesterday. The doctor who was to do the review is away till December.
There will be a reason. It could be due to the change in plan or having more men in the house or ... ?? A number of other reasons.
You go through peaks and troughs and plateaus. It's life.
I had a call from the medical centre yesterday. The doctor who was to do the review is away till December.
Does that mean you won't get the review until then, how do you feel about that if that is the case? I would be upset if it was me i don't mean you should be though. Is there another doctor that can do it?
I guess that is life. I went to his mothers and there was a massive row between one of his brothers and his father, plus my partners younger sister is a brat and is always rude when we are there she walks out of the room and stomps about she is twelve so she is old enough to know better, but my partner had enough of her and we left there was such a bad atmosphere in the house and now i feel anxious and panicky i don't know if that caused it or not.
I really hope another doctor could do the review for you.
I guess that is life. I went to his mothers and there was a massive row between one of his brothers and his father, plus my partners younger sister is a brat and is always rude when we are there she walks out of the room and stomps about she is twelve so she is old enough to know better, but my partner had enough of her and we left there was such a bad atmosphere in the house and now i feel anxious and panicky i don't know if that caused it or not.
I really hope another doctor could do the review for you.
I don't know what it means. It's hardly therapeutic to have no support for over two years.
I think the onus is on the service to provide an alternative. The doctor may have transferred his caseload onto someone else. I don't know.
Having no support till someone is available to do a review which I expect would be more like the following year isn't appropriate.
No one in my service. Maybe someone in one of the bigger centres. ??
Maybe now is the time to push for an intensive inpatient residential program??
You shouldn't let other peoples problems get you down. If not like you don't have enough to deal with as it is.
Me too. I guess. I'm too tired to care anymore.
I think the onus is on the service to provide an alternative. The doctor may have transferred his caseload onto someone else. I don't know.
Having no support till someone is available to do a review which I expect would be more like the following year isn't appropriate.
No one in my service. Maybe someone in one of the bigger centres. ??
Maybe now is the time to push for an intensive inpatient residential program??
You shouldn't let other peoples problems get you down. If not like you don't have enough to deal with as it is.
Me too. I guess. I'm too tired to care anymore.
I was so depressed today i just stayed in bed, then my social worker rang and my partner brought the phone up to me so i had to talk to her. I have an appointment with my therapist on Tuesday so he didn't forget about me, i am glad he didn't.
My mother was trying to cause trouble today again by ringing my daughter saying it wasn't fair that she couldn't see her grandchildren and that my partner was to blame for her being ill which is exactly why i don't talk to her the last time she told me if she took a heart attack it would be my fault so now i don't want to talk to her so i can't get the blame for nothing. If she wants to see my children she is free to do so but i don't want to be there.
I think you should talk over your options with your doctor there is bound to be something they can do its unacceptable to have to wait that long. Are there residential programs that you could do? I know here there isn't unless you are really ill or suicidal.
I hope you have a good day.
My mother was trying to cause trouble today again by ringing my daughter saying it wasn't fair that she couldn't see her grandchildren and that my partner was to blame for her being ill which is exactly why i don't talk to her the last time she told me if she took a heart attack it would be my fault so now i don't want to talk to her so i can't get the blame for nothing. If she wants to see my children she is free to do so but i don't want to be there.
I think you should talk over your options with your doctor there is bound to be something they can do its unacceptable to have to wait that long. Are there residential programs that you could do? I know here there isn't unless you are really ill or suicidal.
I hope you have a good day.
There's one private one. I expect accessing that through funding from the mhs would be highly unlikely.
You are creating more stress by allowing this tension to exist between yourself and your mother. I think you should both grow up and deal with it in a mature way.
If you don't want contact with your mother, then fine, but it probably wouldn't hurt to set aside a time each week or fortnight or whatever when she has them.
Ask her when a good time is for her and drop them off and pick them up at a prearranged time and place. Easy. No stress. She has the grandkids, you have some peace. It's a win-win situation.
You are creating more stress by allowing this tension to exist between yourself and your mother. I think you should both grow up and deal with it in a mature way.
If you don't want contact with your mother, then fine, but it probably wouldn't hurt to set aside a time each week or fortnight or whatever when she has them.
Ask her when a good time is for her and drop them off and pick them up at a prearranged time and place. Easy. No stress. She has the grandkids, you have some peace. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah i guess your right but she has been told she can see them if she collects them and she won't. I did make the effort to talk to her the last time and even visited her and then she called me to say how could i visit them as if nothing had happened and that i needed to apologize so i think its her turn to make the move this time when i did i got it threw back in my face.
I am just not bothering with her its easier that way.
Not a good day today again but i went shopping to buy new clothes it didn't help though.
I hope you have a good day.
I am just not bothering with her its easier that way.
Not a good day today again but i went shopping to buy new clothes it didn't help though.
I hope you have a good day.
You have all the control regarding your kids but don't use them as pawns in your fight against your mother. It's not fair on them!
It's easier for the short-term but not the long-term.
If you are able you could phone and make some arrangements. Put limits on it though.
You will drop the kids off. You will pick them up. There needs to be other stuff there so that you can feel as though you can maintain your self-respect, etc. Perhaps tell her that you're not ready to discuss some things with her at this time but that you are OK with her having the grandkids. Find something that can work for you. Ask your social worker.
The weather is good here today. Mum and Dad are about to go to a home show. I need to clean the house but then I will try and get some stuff done. I put on more weight yesterday. So much for my diet. Anyway, hopefully I can sort all that out. I'm hoping to try and get some structure back into my day.
It's easier for the short-term but not the long-term.
If you are able you could phone and make some arrangements. Put limits on it though.
You will drop the kids off. You will pick them up. There needs to be other stuff there so that you can feel as though you can maintain your self-respect, etc. Perhaps tell her that you're not ready to discuss some things with her at this time but that you are OK with her having the grandkids. Find something that can work for you. Ask your social worker.
The weather is good here today. Mum and Dad are about to go to a home show. I need to clean the house but then I will try and get some stuff done. I put on more weight yesterday. So much for my diet. Anyway, hopefully I can sort all that out. I'm hoping to try and get some structure back into my day.
Its not that i don't want her to see them but so much as been said and for years she walked over me and i let her away with it so thats why i am so angry now.
I weighed myself yesterday at my GP's and i have put on weight i really didn't need any more weight, i am hoping to go back to the gym someday next week even if i only went one day a week its better that nothing. I find it so hard to lose weight i know what to do but when i am depressed i couldn't be bothered.
I went shopping today and bought some new clothes i thought it would cheer me up but it didn't.
Yeah structure is good, i try to keep to a routine but i get depressed and end up going back to bed. Enjoy your day.
I weighed myself yesterday at my GP's and i have put on weight i really didn't need any more weight, i am hoping to go back to the gym someday next week even if i only went one day a week its better that nothing. I find it so hard to lose weight i know what to do but when i am depressed i couldn't be bothered.
I went shopping today and bought some new clothes i thought it would cheer me up but it didn't.
Yeah structure is good, i try to keep to a routine but i get depressed and end up going back to bed. Enjoy your day.
So set very strong limits with your mother. That way you have power. You could even ask your T and role play with him, or your social worker, if it would be helpful.
Yeah, you too (to having a good day). I would like to go to the gym too. I'm broke though.
Yeah, you too (to having a good day). I would like to go to the gym too. I'm broke though.
I will leave it another while for things to calm down some more.
I had a quiet day today i slept late as i didn't get to bed until 3am because i had to collect my daughter from work she works in a night club, its where i used to work.
I will talk some more to my social worker about it.
Tomorrow is a bank holiday here. I hope to go to the gym tomorrow.
I have spent all day talking about what will happen when my daughter goes to university and where she will live and stuff although she doesn't go until next year.
How was your day?
The course i am doing finishes in three weeks i will miss it and the people. I want to carry on with it next year i hope i can. I have to work to finish and hand in before it finishes. I had a really bad night at the course a few weeks ago and when i went to write about it today i can't remember what i learnt so now i am confused and stressed about it.
I hate the confusion part of this i want to be normal i would love to move away when my daughter goes to uni its near a beach i would love to go there to live so if i can get myself together and actually leave my therapist and social worker i would love to go away from this town. I know i could probably get another therapist there but i trust this one so much i could never build that relationship with someone again.
I hope you have a good day.
I had a quiet day today i slept late as i didn't get to bed until 3am because i had to collect my daughter from work she works in a night club, its where i used to work.
I will talk some more to my social worker about it.
Tomorrow is a bank holiday here. I hope to go to the gym tomorrow.
I have spent all day talking about what will happen when my daughter goes to university and where she will live and stuff although she doesn't go until next year.
How was your day?
The course i am doing finishes in three weeks i will miss it and the people. I want to carry on with it next year i hope i can. I have to work to finish and hand in before it finishes. I had a really bad night at the course a few weeks ago and when i went to write about it today i can't remember what i learnt so now i am confused and stressed about it.
I hate the confusion part of this i want to be normal i would love to move away when my daughter goes to uni its near a beach i would love to go there to live so if i can get myself together and actually leave my therapist and social worker i would love to go away from this town. I know i could probably get another therapist there but i trust this one so much i could never build that relationship with someone again.
I hope you have a good day.
hi. Having problems accessing my medhelp account. Will write more when I can and have time.
Hi Thats ok, i'm not having a good day today anyway. I went for a drive after therapy and i was tempted not to come back. My therapist was strange with me today i thought he was very abrupt i didn't like the way he spoke to me.
I hope all is well with you.
I hope all is well with you.
I'm OK. Just tired, etc. Kind of feel a bit withdrawn like not really wanting to talk much. I don't know what's up with that.
I spoke to my GP yesterday. He's going to ask around and try and find another specialist who can do the review. I am a little anxious about how long that may take.
I need to go and do some work or exercise or something. I am getting very fat and very lazy. Really not good.
I hope things improve a little for you. Take care!
I spoke to my GP yesterday. He's going to ask around and try and find another specialist who can do the review. I am a little anxious about how long that may take.
I need to go and do some work or exercise or something. I am getting very fat and very lazy. Really not good.
I hope things improve a little for you. Take care!
I feel the same at the minute i just want to be in my own world. I hope your GP can find someone else to do it for it and that it doesn't take too long.
I went to bed feeling very angry at my therapist i don't know why, i really need to tell him this but i don't want him to be angry at me then because in the past he has been very good but lately he's not the same with me, i thought therapists were meant to be professional and not judge people he makes me uncomfortable now, or maybe its me and he is fine really i think maybe i expect too much from people and when they can't help i get angry.
What will you do today? I think its ok to be lazy sometimes though. I hope you have a good day.
I went to bed feeling very angry at my therapist i don't know why, i really need to tell him this but i don't want him to be angry at me then because in the past he has been very good but lately he's not the same with me, i thought therapists were meant to be professional and not judge people he makes me uncomfortable now, or maybe its me and he is fine really i think maybe i expect too much from people and when they can't help i get angry.
What will you do today? I think its ok to be lazy sometimes though. I hope you have a good day.
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