Actually, if you look at the board I have been trying to offer advice to people, not saying they are looking for sympathy.
I know I am not Dr.Phil but I try to help as best I can.
I like to help people because in turn that helps me feel a little better too.
Why would anyone delete your post?
I have offered advice and then I don't know if anyone is even listening to a word I say, but I try anyways.
I actually sign in on here almost everyday to see what is going on, and it seems slow going, but I realize people might have other things to do.
If you need someone to talk to, I am a good listener and I won't preach or try to patronize you.
Not only that, but I have seen other members here who offer really good advice too.
But anyways, I am not here to judge you, but I have been suicidal in the past and I know the feeling, so I can at least relate to that part.
I am sorry to here that you feel the way you do, but don't give up hope just yet.
whats the point in this post....to insault the people who spend all their time writing to the people who need help....or to start a fight...or put down those who use this site as their guidence through hard times.....
I post on here to vent my feelings that i cant tell any of my friends or family...i certainly am not looking for sympathy...just some voice of reason or guidence or anything really. I also try and answer any post I feel I can make a difference on to try and help those who need it. ive never accused anyone of posting for sympathy nor have i seen anyone posting something just for sympathy.
but that post you just posted.....you obviously are looking to b*itch out at people.
This post was not aimed at anyone so why take it personally i was venting about how i was feeling i was accused by someone in the abuse forum of looking for sympathy i was saying anyone on here was looking for sympathy, Your right i was having a ***** but i wasn't looking for a fight usually no one replies on this forum anyway, i was angry because i am depressed and suicidal and i was giving advice to someone else and my post was deleted i don't know why it wasn't offensive at all.Sorry you have taken this post personally it wasn't aimed at anyone on here.
I found the comment a little hurtful about those here not caring because we do and I think that many of us care very deeply.
It is a defense to attack those who are trying to help when you are hurting. I have done it many times myself. I think sometimes we become so caught up in our hurt and pain that we struggle to comprehend that others could actually care about us.
Suicide is said to be an aggressive drive. I think that a lot of that is generated by negative self-talk and self-hatred.
I would say attention seeking versus sympathy. I don't think that a lot of suicidal people get sympathy. Maybe pity and maybe if you're lucky empathy.
Depressed people get sympathy. Or people early on in their journey's get sympathy. Many people become angry, frustrated and inpatient if they don't see progress.
I probably would be one who would delete your post but I look beyond the words and can see that someone is hurting. You are probably where I was at at some point.
I think that posting on this forum means that your post is safe from being deleted. Talking about suicide isn't tolerated on some of the other forums.
I use to come on here regularly. I guess I was looking for ways to help me feel better or to connect with people who were struggling as I have struggled.
Not posting here can sometimes be a healthy thing, indicating that some people have moved on, or can be a negative thing where people need the distraction from their own internal conflict and pain.
People here have many different experiences and perspectives. There is a lot that we all have in common though. We should learn from our thoughts, feelings and reactions to others. What do they tell us about ourselves and how can we use them to grow?
Probably what we write is only the tip of a very large ice-berg. Sometimes the important stuff is the stuff that you can't see.
This post was so misunderstood, i had a post deleted in BPD forum, some guy put a web address on it and when i opened it was all about how to cope with someone with BPD but not in a good way the stuff that was said was very offensive about how people with BPD were evil and dangerous, all i said on it was that i found it offensive i was very calm and not agressive, he must have reported it and deleted it. On the abuse forum someone said i wasn't looking for advice they said i was looking for sympathy i was very offended and i felt very let down by the forum that was two instances when i had done nothing wrong and i felt like i was being attacked.
If anyone else with BPD had read that site they would have been upset too it was terrible.
I was really suicidal and upset when i wrote that, i felt very misunderstood, i was angry and i really felt like no one cared anyway i didn't mean to offend or hurt anyone but i realize i probably did.
Then i got more upset because some people took the post personally and it wasn't aimed at anyone it was just me being angry.
I am always at this point of being suicidal and have been for a while now, i don't want sympathy or i don't think i have ever got it, usually people are quite harsh and direct about how selfish it is to hurt others by being suicidal, as i am sure you know that doesn't help, you are right empathy would be better but its hard to get as well, my therapist always makes me feel selfish for being suicidal then he would feel responsible if i did something and he would blame himself, how does that help, just more to make me feel guilty about, but in saying that i do think of him alot and his reactions to my behaviour sometimes and it stops me from doing it sometimes, other times i do it but don't tell him.
Sorry if i offended anyone i really didn't mean too.
If you're hurting and need help, ask for help. If you're hurt and angry and looking to vent, this is really not the place to do it.
My point exactly what did i do wrong this time, whats wrong with venting?
Also if you noticed i was replying to a post not just venting, i really can't win on here can i? I am actually offended by that.
It sounds as though the post was deleted because of the link and not because of anything you had to say.
Who says you can't look to others to empathize. A lot of the time people only want an emotional connection which has nothing even to do with the post.
Is it so very hard for others to listen? So who cares if you want sympathy or are playing the role of the victim, isn't that all about learning and growing? How is not saying anything going to benefit you? Maybe the other person just saw parts of you in someone else or some other situation.
I have problems with people saying not to get involved with people with bpd. If the post was very devaluing I expect I would have taken offense to it.
I think the problem was that you weren't getting your needs met. Needs can be so basic.
People try and relate based on their own experiences.
I'm not going to sympathize with you. I think that's a waste of time and space and I too don't think that that is what you want, not deep down anyway. Maybe on a superficial level if people sympathize with you then they would more likely take control away from you. Not very empowering, even if you do want the nurturing.
I feel extremely angry when I hear people say how selfish suicide is. Isn't that also a selfish judgment? They're putting their own thoughts and feelings above those of the suicidal individual. That to me is selfish.
I agree that asking for help when it is needed is the most appropriate course of action. I believe that it is exactly the right place to vent (if it feels safe for you to do so). Although having said that therapy is probably the best place.
If a person can't vent then likely they will be more inclined to bottle stuff up and that would increase the risk for suicide. In my opinion, it's entirely appropriate to vent.
People don't always make good decisions when feeling suicidal and their mental health is compromised. Suicidal individuals can't be expected to communicate their distress as we would when we are feeling OK or are well. It's not always that easy just to ask for help. Venting can sometimes be much safer and can sometimes even help the person get to the point where they can ask for help.
I think that saying that here is not really the place to vent is a little misguided.
Where would you suggest would be a good place?
It's funny that a person can listen to suicidal feelings, etc but not want to listen to what may be driving them.
There's nothing wrong in venting. We all do it (some more than others. I tend to do it a lot. :))
It's your feelings of rejection that are coming through here. These are usually due to other issues, experiences and themes.
Thats exactly it isn't it i feel rejected i know now thats it, and today my partner just walked out because i tried to talk to him he said i was stupid and when was i going to think normally, i doubt he knows how hurtful that is, so the only person i had has walked out. I tried to ask him why would my therapist ask me that question about the guy he said who cares, i care i need to know.
I called my therapist thats what i'm supposed to do before i do something stupid, well as usual i couldn't get him so now i'm struggling to be safe again, i know my partner is right i am stupid when will i ever get over this.
I agree venting helps me i'm not asking for miracles just putting it down maybe helps me sort it in my head.
Anyway my therapist called just now and makes it all sound so sensible as usual then i feel even more stupid for calling him.
You are right i don't want sympathy i just want someone to understand, that i am hurting and i'm not being awkward or causing trouble i just don't know what to do to be right.
Rejection is my biggest fear and the fact that i feel i never fit anywhere or that i'm not accepted anywhere really doesn't help.
I really need to try and sort myself out don't i, things are just getting so out of control.
Perhaps because it feels as though he is attacking you personally. Thoughts or personality take a long time to change. It's not just like turning a switch no matter how much you see or can intellectualize that. Your partner sounds frustrated. Just give him some time and space.
I always felt that I had to know the specifics for every decision, etc. What was the motivation behind that? Why did they ask or say that? What does it mean?
People don't always have motives though. They don't think about it like you or I. They don't over-analyze everything that is said or done. Hence why we are much more sensitive.
I think on some level he asked because he wants the issue resolved. He perhaps doesn't want it to continue affecting you as it has.
You're not stupid, you're just struggling. It takes as long as it takes. Months, years??
I found that writing helped me to process stuff. I use to do this heaps with one of the experts. I knew that he read my posts even if he only responded to the original question. Usually he would turn it around and ask what I would advise. We can advise others, why not ourselves?
Everything that you do is right. You don't have to be any different to how you are now. That doesn't mean that you can't change it though and improve.
With therapy these thoughts can change, become less intense.
Maybe look at things that help you to regain a sense of control. What has worked for you previously?
My therapist says its a slow process but i just feel worse this year than i did last year so i'm not improving but then again i only found out i had BPD late last year.
I don't hold much hope of ever feeling better i can't remember the last time i felt happy or even slightly positive.
My therapist said if i done anything stupid it would affect our relationship and therapy i hate that emotional blackmail.
I need to try to remind myself that not everyone thinks like i do most people don't care or obsess over things like i do.
I also have OCD which has entered a world of its own it totally controls me now i have had it for years but it has got worse this last few months.
My mood would usually have improved slightly by now but nothing 6 weeks of total depression now it never lasted that long before.
I don't know what has worked before maybe feeling secure and safe like with my old social worker i felt safe and secure she was there for me, she knew me and understood me, now i have my therapist who is there and does help but i needed the both and it worked well, now i feel alone, insecure abandoned by her although i know it wasn't her fault.
The social worker is nice but she doesn't understand me the same i guess she doesn't know me the same, she said the way the police treated me was terrible and at the next interview she will be there, she is trained in that area where she is there for vulnerable adults in police interviews so she knows how they work.
I have struggled all day and now i am exhausted i am tempted to call the out of hours tomorrow and tell them i can't cope they might be more likely to do something but who knows.
I found the time after a diagnosis was the most difficult.
Feeling worse may just mean that material has come to the surface and then once that is worked through you may feel better.
You will feel better.
What's he going to do? Not treat you? That's very professional of him.
You shouldn't hurt yourself though. You need to learn to ask for help when you need it.
ocd is related to the anxiety. Anxiety is a huge component of bpd.
Maybe it wasn't true depression before. People with bpd can feel depressed but it is just due to reactions from relationships. It is called a depressive transference.
That will be good if your sw can be there for you.
How about taking responsibility for what you want and need. I need respite, ... Or, I need someone to talk too, etc. It helps you to feel empowered that way.
Thats a good point and thats why my therapist has been encouraging me to do he wants me to ask for help and to ring him when i need him instead of hurting myself.
I would be scared he wouldn't treat me but thats probably me being paranoid.
I don't know what made me so depressed i think the fallout with my mother and my social worker had a big impact on me, strangely though i miss my social worker more than my mother.
I find it hard to ask for what i want, i feel uncomfortable with it.
I went to my partners aunts today, panicked driving there its far away, panicked there, lost my temper with the children and just wanted to cry so not a good day.
Maybe because i am getting used to having BPD thats why i feel so bad, i just can't understand why i am getting worse all the time instead of better.
Still so depressed but tired and glad to be home.
It's a lot for anyone to have to take in plus with all the other stuff going on, it's understandable that things will be difficult.
With bpd you will be looking to change and that can sometimes be hard too.
Maybe next time you go you can practice other skills to help you manage.
Don't beat yourself up over what happened. Perhaps apologize to your kids and start afresh.
I am trying to calmer today, i went to church and took a panic attack so that wasn't a good start, my granddaughter started screaming through it and my 7yr olds phone started rinigng i wonder why i bother sometimes, little things like that cause such a reaction in me now, i used to be alot calmer with only the occasional outburst but now its all the time.
I am feeling very hyper and agitated today not as depressed but i don't like this feeling either my head is buzzing and i panic all the time, there is never no inbetween.
I have my social worker tomorrow i will see how that goes and rehersals tomorrow night for a pantomine that my daughter is in and i got asked to help with the singing, i thought the distraction would be good if i can cope with the anxiety of standing on stage three nights in a row.
I am trying to take my therapists advice and mix more with people but its so hard but i am trying.