With my due date quickly approaching (2/2/11).... it's getting harder to accept my loss in August this year.
My periods appeared to have gone back to normal... so I thought UNTIL this current cycle! I thought I was on a 29 day cycle and thought I was a week late for AF, even thought maybe I could be..... UNTIL AF reared her ugly red head @ 35 DPO. && OMG the cramps and backache that accompanied her!!!! Like I didn't have enough evidence already! Seriously, I would compare the pain to post D&C. I took a Vicodin that didn't even touch it = (
So, I'm trying to stay positive. Originally, hubby didn't want to try again. He was ok w/letting whatever will be will be which meant "not preventing". I know he was protecting me. He was afraid I'd suffer another loss b/c I was so sad that I was literally crying in my sleep. I'm sure he didn't want me to suffer disappointment if/when it didn't happen for us too. More recently, I started using FF to chart and I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating so that's a good thing... it means it's possible anyway. Hubby has even decided that he wouldn't mind trying, as long as I was ready. I just don't know how long I'm willing to try. It was ok at first. I was fine w/ giving it to God. I wasn't obsessing or anything BUT now I'm a self-admitted POAS-addict. I used 10 HPT test strips over the past week or so. My first couple of cycles, I was just happy to know my body was getting back to normal which meant it was preparing for baby-making mode!
Now, after one month of charting and cycle #3, I'm starting to worry. I mean, I'm no spring chicken! And w/my EDD nearing, I'm finding it more difficult to stay positive. I would love to hear some advice from those of you who are in the same boat as I am or maybe encouraging success stories would give me hope???
All I want for Christmas is a BFP!!!!!
Sorry that this post is closer to a journal entry than a forum question but I just needed to vent today.