Aa
I'm going through a period of questioning my sexuality and depression. Help me
So I'm thirteen. I'm a boy and for the past few years I'm getting bullied for "being gay" (I'm not) and I've been watching gay porn (no one knows), even though i like girls too. I want to be straight, but I think i might be BI. I'm getting bullied so I don't want to do things like that. Today my classmate asked if I wanted to make a LGBTQ flag with the caption "all lives matter" and I don't know what to do, cause they have never gotten this kind of ideas and I think they might be hinting that they think I am gay. I deffinitely don't want to tell my parents, so What should I do. I also have Persistent Depressive Disorder, which means I have depression (but in episodes. I'm fine and like 5 min later I'll be crying, cause I want to kill myself)
You cannot stop being who you are - you can't stop having the color of eyes or skin that you have, and you can't stop being homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or whatever your sexuality may be.
Having said that, you are young. Many people your age, and even people of any age, can have questions about their sexual orientation. This is not a great time in your life to focus a lot of thoughts on what your sexual orientation may be. This IS a great time to focus on accepting whoever you may become - it's a great time to be kind to yourself, and learn to love yourself. It is also a great time to focus on the future that you want for yourself. You should be focusing on your education and your goals in life, and put your mind and effort toward those goasl.
Please stop watching the videos. Pornography videos are NOT a realistic representation of sex. Also, spending your time watching those videos is not a good use of your time, and should not be the focus of your life at this age.
Be good to yourself, and focus on the important things in your life.
Having said that, you are young. Many people your age, and even people of any age, can have questions about their sexual orientation. This is not a great time in your life to focus a lot of thoughts on what your sexual orientation may be. This IS a great time to focus on accepting whoever you may become - it's a great time to be kind to yourself, and learn to love yourself. It is also a great time to focus on the future that you want for yourself. You should be focusing on your education and your goals in life, and put your mind and effort toward those goasl.
Please stop watching the videos. Pornography videos are NOT a realistic representation of sex. Also, spending your time watching those videos is not a good use of your time, and should not be the focus of your life at this age.
Be good to yourself, and focus on the important things in your life.
1 Comments
Thank you!
Ah buddy, you are at a tough age of your life. I have a sons trying to discover who they are around the same age as you and I will tell you, wherever you land in terms of your true you? You will be great. Loving and accepting yourself is a work on item for you. And don't expect to have all the answers right now. Growing up is a process. I agree that porn is not real in terms of real life. And just know that a lot of people watch porn for things that are exciting that they may never actually do themselves. If that makes sense. As time goes on, you will get a clearer picture of who you are and want to be. I heard an interesting take on that the other day that I shared with my sons which was also to think about who you DO NOT want to be. :>)
I'm concerned about your depression though. That it is to the point you have thoughts of killing yourself is worrying. Do your parents know you have depression? I know that is hard because as a parent myself, I know we can get 10 shades of scared when our kids are hurting. But you need some adult support in your life if you are having these drastic back and forth mood swings with the lows being so low. It is very normal to have periods of sadness or the blues and with fluctuating hormonal changes and the hard part of the teen years (discovering who you are, the awkwardness at times, all the questioning of self that we do at that age, etc.). But sincerely, if you are having suicidal thoughts associated with this, you really need to talk to your parents. Do they have counselors where you live? My own son who is 16 has had depression and a psychologist is helpful. They can talk about things and have strategies. Right now it is easier than ever as well as virtual therapy is happening very frequently with the pandemic. You just have to find a private place like your room with door closed to talk. And if it is to the point that is required, there are psychiatrists. They take care to the next level to keep you safe. It's very hard to function under the cloud of depression. And if you get to the point that you are going to possibly act on the suicidal thought, PLEASE use resources such as a suicide hotline to talk to someone immediately. Please. You matter and we want you safe.
I'm concerned about your depression though. That it is to the point you have thoughts of killing yourself is worrying. Do your parents know you have depression? I know that is hard because as a parent myself, I know we can get 10 shades of scared when our kids are hurting. But you need some adult support in your life if you are having these drastic back and forth mood swings with the lows being so low. It is very normal to have periods of sadness or the blues and with fluctuating hormonal changes and the hard part of the teen years (discovering who you are, the awkwardness at times, all the questioning of self that we do at that age, etc.). But sincerely, if you are having suicidal thoughts associated with this, you really need to talk to your parents. Do they have counselors where you live? My own son who is 16 has had depression and a psychologist is helpful. They can talk about things and have strategies. Right now it is easier than ever as well as virtual therapy is happening very frequently with the pandemic. You just have to find a private place like your room with door closed to talk. And if it is to the point that is required, there are psychiatrists. They take care to the next level to keep you safe. It's very hard to function under the cloud of depression. And if you get to the point that you are going to possibly act on the suicidal thought, PLEASE use resources such as a suicide hotline to talk to someone immediately. Please. You matter and we want you safe.
I'm BI too, and I get bullied for it. Just know that you are strong, and a wonderful person! Don't listen to the other kids, and be who you wanna be no matter what sexuality you are!!
Hi im 13 and im bi and i have came out to my mom but not my dad and i started like you and i was scared to think that i like girls and boys but i just told everyone and my friends that love me stay there and i did get bullied but i didnt care anymore but its ok fyi im a girl
If you're getting bullied at school, tell the principal -that's part of his job. WHO you are is YOUR business - not anyone else's. Tell ALL your classmates - individually is the best way, and yes, it will be embarrassing but you will get over it ) that you haven't really "come to grips" with who you are just yet, and you'd appreciate them giving you the time and space to find out. And find SOMEONE you trust to talk about your feelings. Talk to your doctor about your depression episodes. (My doctors called it "chronic depression" - same thing just different terminology.)
Find out if your school has a mental health counselor and, if so, make an appointment to see him/her. (I believe it might be better to talk with a complete stranger than talk with someone who knows you.)
Find the inner strength to be WHOEVER YOU are! And be that person unabashedly - unreservedly - unhesitatingly - ALL THE TIME!
When you start to have one of your "depression cycles", go for a run, take a walk, ride a bike, work out with weights - do something physical to allow your own body to produce endorphins which will help you feel better. And make it a regular part of your life to do every day - that will shorten the episodes and improve how you feel about yourself.
I can't tell you how to approach your parents - I don't know their opinions about bisexuals or homosexuals. I can tell you that mothers are often more sympathetic to their children than fathers are but I leave that up to you. And I can tell you that it will be a struggle for some time to come - you're going through a lot of changes right now BUT IT WILL GET BETTER!
Find a friend with whom you can talk about all of this - someone you trust not to tell everybody else and someone who won't judge you or tell you you're "sick" or "disgusting" in the first sentence from their mouths.
Think of sexuality as a straight line - heterosexuality is one end and homosexuality is the other end - and true bisexuality is in the exact middle. You are somewhere on that line - and I'm sorry but YOU are going to have to figure that out for yourself!
And I ASK you to stop watching porn - of any type - at least until the end of school. Read a book - watch a mainstream movie or two or three - watch some television - do something other than watch porn for that amount of time - give your mind something else to think about for that length of time. Use this time to improve your grades - improve your body - improve your outlook on life.
Find the inner strength to be WHOEVER YOU are! And be that person unabashedly - unreservedly - unhesitatingly - ALL THE TIME!
When you start to have one of your "depression cycles", go for a run, take a walk, ride a bike, work out with weights - do something physical to allow your own body to produce endorphins which will help you feel better. And make it a regular part of your life to do every day - that will shorten the episodes and improve how you feel about yourself.
I can't tell you how to approach your parents - I don't know their opinions about bisexuals or homosexuals. I can tell you that mothers are often more sympathetic to their children than fathers are but I leave that up to you. And I can tell you that it will be a struggle for some time to come - you're going through a lot of changes right now BUT IT WILL GET BETTER!
Find a friend with whom you can talk about all of this - someone you trust not to tell everybody else and someone who won't judge you or tell you you're "sick" or "disgusting" in the first sentence from their mouths.
Think of sexuality as a straight line - heterosexuality is one end and homosexuality is the other end - and true bisexuality is in the exact middle. You are somewhere on that line - and I'm sorry but YOU are going to have to figure that out for yourself!
And I ASK you to stop watching porn - of any type - at least until the end of school. Read a book - watch a mainstream movie or two or three - watch some television - do something other than watch porn for that amount of time - give your mind something else to think about for that length of time. Use this time to improve your grades - improve your body - improve your outlook on life.
Okay I am so sorry, but I want you to know that as a thirteen year old girl who is figuring out boyfriends girlfriends and whatever else in life, you are not alone. Unfortunately I am quite aggressive towards bullies, and this whole era where even if you have a best friend of the same gender people automatically assume you are LGBTQ. I don't trust my self to give you too much advice on that subject. You can be whoever you want to be. However, I would advise you to stay away from porn. If it is an addiction, please try to seek help in any way you can. It is much easier said than done, but you don't have to be perfect right away.
I don't quite understand being gay but it seems as if you should tell your school principal and maybe you should talk to your parents about the last thing because even though it was two years ago I still miss my friend Jacob Groenenboom who committed suicide, please don't do the same.
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