i'm 17, male. I've never done drugs or drank. I've rarely been to any type of social gatherings and i don't really hang out with anyone anymore. i use to hang out with one of my friends along time ago when i was younger, but then he moved away. I don't have a job, because i don't want to work at all the fast food and retail stores in my area because i know i'd hate it. I very much appreciate and live a quiet, reclusive lifestyle. I mostly like to play video games to pass time or watch youtube videos. I sometimes go out and walk around when i feel down as it helps get my mind of things . I've don't have a girlfriend, i've only really dated a girl once, and i'm not really the kinda guy to chase after girls(i'm not homosexual, i'm straight). I'm just really shy, for some reason. I'm about 5'9 ,pretty skinny and I don't have a job. My family is middle class, nothing special (but I'm definitely blessed). If i'm getting something new it's usually get that or this, and then i have to wait a few months.I just finished my first year as a college student and that was to me, and without a doubt, the most mentally and physically challenging time in my entire life. The people there were difficult to relate to in any way and for some reason I feel that most of them are against me. I never really stayed in one place for than twenty minutes so I was always on the move (that's probably why I went from being moderately overweight to mildly underweight). And worst of all my routine was pretty much the same for everyday i spent there. Even though i do get frequent tantrums ,I don't think i'm a bad person, and i'm not really sure about the world right now. It seems to be chaos everywhere, people are rebelling against their governments. There is racism still, money is running out, or money is all people care about, people say stupid things, i say stupid things, i dunno. I don't pray often , and my faith is near hitting rockbottom. Life just seems like a big lie nowadays, and i don't get it. I'm just a coward and weak. I try & try but i cant seem to find any way out. I know we have to move on and there is lot's of things i should just do, but for some reason i keep thinking "A life- changing event will happen and i will know what to do", but at the same time i think about if nothing happens and where will I be after a few years from now. People should do what makes them feel the best. You really like a place and it makes you feel good? Move there! Pack up and move there. That gets boring, you find a new thing that makes you happy and you do that. I know i'm just ranting on and speaking to the crowd, but i just think all the time, What is my purpose? I don't really know what to tell myself, other than why don't i just go away now. I'm really lost and i'm not sure, i guess so what i'm looking for is "The Answer to Life" but i'll never find that because the human mind could never think that far.