Do I Have Depression?

[Swazziland]

*Sorry for bad English, it isn't my mother tongue*

Since the last 9 months or so, I have not been feeling very good. I always feel really sad and almost nothing makes me happy. The things I use to love doing (like playing piano, going out with my friends, watching movies, etc.) became uninteresting. I feel like everything is more difficult and I can't do anything the right way (like piano or school). I can't always manage to fall asleep, but when I do, it's because I'm exhausted from crying so much. That makes me worn out all day. I always have bad headaches and sometimes heartache.  I've grown to hate school, and my grades are dropping (I use to have very good grades). Every day before I leave for school, I always get really nervous and I get bad stomach aches. I'd really like to drop out, but I know it's not a good idea and I know  my parents won't ever let me. I feel like I have no hope of a good future...

I've recently started cutting myself, It kind of feels "good", it "relieves" stress. I also think of suicide. I'd like to do it, but, for now, I know I don't have the courage. But I feel like the more time passes, the more I might get this courage.

I'm wondering if I have depression, because no one will take me seriously when I talk about it. They think, since I'm a teen, I'm only going through a phase or something like that. So I started wondering myself if it was really "just a phase".

Sorry for the long text, I just had to let it all out as I have no one to talk to. My "friends" (I don't really talk to them anymore) noticed I wasn't feeling very good, but they don't do anything about it. But I guess I can understand since no one likes to be around someone as negative as me...

By the way, I don't know if this is useful, but my family has a history of depression and suicide. I read biological factors could make you more at risk of having depression, but I don't know if this is true.

Thanks for reading and/or answering

[Cary12345]

You are suffering from depression and your symptoms warrants treatment . Best  non drug treatment options for you are tvns and rtms

[Bellatrix55]

You are depressed and if your parents aren't taking you seriously then call a hotline/ doctor on your own. It doesn't take "courage" to kill yourself. It means giving up on everything... Yeah family history plays a huge role (depression is a physical problem involving hormonal imbalance and brain chemistry, all things heavily influenced by genetics). Cutting really doesn't help anything, the reason it feels good has to do with a release of endorphins but you can get that in plenty of less destructive ways, such as exercise. I know that sometimes adults don't get that the fact that depression does eventually pass doesn't mean it can be dismissed as a "phase". School is really stressful and if you can't sleep it can become pretty awful, but if you visit a doctor they can give you things to help you sleep and make you feel better, they also would probably recommend someone to talk to which I think would help you a lot. Please get help, feel free to message me if you wanna talk.