I don't know how to do it anymore

[confusedalways]

Ive posted about the same issues before and at first it started well. I'm now 17 years old, and a year ago I finally opened up and told my mom about the sexual abuse I went through as a kid. Apparently  it's been classified as rape...and as I have started to remember some suppressed memories I can see why. My problem is that it all started off well, I started seeing a therapist, went to the police with my mom and told my story. Moved out of my dad's place. I started to feel better.
But it's now one year later and I can't even bare it anymore. The issues are still,I have a huge fear of touching people, or whenever someone touches me I can't stop myself to flinch. And many don't know why I do that so they punish me with hurtful words or with jokes that really aren't that funny. But I can't help it, I'm really trying to change. I'm so scared to have a relationship and the expectations of one. The crying and anxiety is back, every morning at school I have to rush to the bathroom and sit there for 15 minutes before I can calm myself down. And I've stopped caring, i dont care what people or teachers require from me anymore...I'm so exhausted! This heavy weight of whatever on my chest won't go.
What's wrong with me? I'm seriously considering anti depressants.

[freddie8605]

I know life can be so hard and words can't describe the pain that abuse of any kind can cause. Do you still see your psychologist? I would suggest continuing seeing a therapist and maybe talking to a doctor about possible medication or other treatment options.  
....and if you ever want someone to talk to i am always here.

I really wish you all the best.

[islandgrl47]

Hi Dear;
There is a book called "beauty for ashes" by J Meyers.She writes how God healed her of what you are going through. She is now a world famous preacher. Search the internet and you will find her. I pray for your healing. God Bless

[freenikita]

Hello confusedalways,

Before anything else, I am not a professional so please take my feedback as it really is and confirm with your medical providers and other professionals. We are all different and what may work for someone, may not for someone else. Now that said, I believe that what you are feeling these days is quite "normal" considering what you went through as a child. If you stopped seeing a therapist, I would highly recommend that you start again. If you feel like you were not getting anything out from the first one you saw, I would recommend you "shop" for a new one until you find someone of your liking. The abuse you experienced left imprints that will take years to undo and reshape into healthy ones. Expect at least five years of therapy (of your choice) before feeling as strong as you could have before the abuse. What you have lived is more damaging than most people want to believe. Also, in regards to the people who are bullying you: as much as you can: ignore them. Not only are they ignorant, but they are idiots. In regards to anti-depressants, I would say that anything that could work towards your healing, do it. As long as you are being followed by professional and sane people and as long as you especially feel comfortable. again, if you are taking the road of antidepressants, my advise is that you also continue a psycho-therapy (there are new and great techniques to choose from including EMDR which you can google). A good psychiatrist in my opinion is one who will request that you see a therapist at the same time that you are taking anti-depressants (by the way, you might have to try a few different before finally finding the one right for you). As far as I understand, anti-depressants do not work on their own especially not in a post-traumatic stress disorder such as sexual child abuse. Doing this work now will allow you to avoid years and years of not feeling right, depressed, which often lead young women such as yourself to start abusing drugs and alcohol among other things. It is very brave of you to have come forward. You are a very strong young woman. Wishing you all the very best,


nikita