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I think there's something wrong with me

I love my mom she was my everything but ever since pandemic I was depressed or even before pandemic happened I was already depressed but constantly deny it. During pandemic we've been through hell but I supported my mom with all that I can everything that can help ease the stress I do it.I was like her personal diary but this takes a toll on my mental health that turns to the point that whenever I see her no matter how happy I am I would just be sad. Earlier this day my mom says she's tired of me and pent up with all my sudden outburst  me and that she wants to leave me. I was so sad I feel so betrayed I was so hurt it feels like my only rock my only source of warmth in this dark cruel world is gone.I was devastated when she told me that I didn't respect her because though I lose my temper I never not once in my life scream at her I do talk back sometimes but I still have my limit. She was my world all the dreams I have were for her, I'm lost. I did everything that she wants I tried to change myself so many times just to be her perfect daughter so that she can be proud of me. Whenever people do something to her it hurts me a hundred times more I love her I really do love her. Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I want to die but suicide is a sin that can't be forgiven I know that life is a gift but I don't know how much longer I can hold on I'm not strong enough. To be honest I'm tired of my life when can it just end.

What should I do? Should I just die? Should I just leave? Should I just pretend that it didn't hurt me? Am I just being too sensitive? Is it all really my fault?
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3191940 tn?1447268717
Hi there.  I'm SO sorry you are going through this rough time.  The pandemic has really put a strain on a lot of relationships.  We've experienced a lot more time together with close family, and less time with friends our own age and less time doing activities that we used to enjoy.  Keep in mind that this has probably been hard on you AND on your mom, and you're not alone.

As a parent, I can tell you that there is often a LOT of stress between mothers and daughters during the teenage years.  Even though we love each other very much, it's a stressful time of growth, and it is not uncommon to see a lot of conflict.  What I can also tell you is that it usually gets MUCH better as you grow older.  There were times when I thought my daughter and I would never, ever have a good relationship again, but now that she's not a teenager and is out on her own, we have a wonderful relationship.

I don't know how old you are, but please don't give up.  You know in your heart that death is not the answer - it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.   Do you have access to a counselor? It sounds like you would both benefit from family counseling.  If you don't have access, have you discussed your problems with a trusted teacher or adult friend?
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