Aa
Im a **** up at life!!!
My name is Lauren, I am 15 and I have been diagnosed with depression, extreme anxiety, extreme stress and I might be bipolar.
I have been cuting myself for about 6 months now and no matter how hard I try I cant stop. I have lost so so many of my friends because I hurt myself but I cant stop it. I tend to shake alot and I try to make myself throw up, in order to be skinny. I am a dancer and its my life but I feel im not good enough, just like im not good enough at anything and im not good enough for anyone. I feel to fat for anyone. I feel to depressed to make others happy and so I keep to myself but then I get yelled at because I cant open up. I am very vonrable and guys have just used me my whole life. I want to be happy but as soon as I start to smile again something rips it away and makes me depressed again. I cant cope with it anymore. I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now but it doesnt help. I might need medication because yesterday I had a massive anxiety attack at school to the point of the doctor wanting to call the ambulance. I cant do this anymore. No one loves me and no one cares. I hate when people say they will never leave me but then after they find out I hurt myself they go so fast an it kills me even more. I dont know what to do... :'( I dont want to be here anymore.
The photo is when I first started cutting and now its all down my arms and I have scars from my legs.
I have been cuting myself for about 6 months now and no matter how hard I try I cant stop. I have lost so so many of my friends because I hurt myself but I cant stop it. I tend to shake alot and I try to make myself throw up, in order to be skinny. I am a dancer and its my life but I feel im not good enough, just like im not good enough at anything and im not good enough for anyone. I feel to fat for anyone. I feel to depressed to make others happy and so I keep to myself but then I get yelled at because I cant open up. I am very vonrable and guys have just used me my whole life. I want to be happy but as soon as I start to smile again something rips it away and makes me depressed again. I cant cope with it anymore. I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now but it doesnt help. I might need medication because yesterday I had a massive anxiety attack at school to the point of the doctor wanting to call the ambulance. I cant do this anymore. No one loves me and no one cares. I hate when people say they will never leave me but then after they find out I hurt myself they go so fast an it kills me even more. I dont know what to do... :'( I dont want to be here anymore.
The photo is when I first started cutting and now its all down my arms and I have scars from my legs.
You are BEAUTIFUL!!! oh my gosh, i"m so jealous! Anyway, as for the cutting, you can do this. You can stop this. I know you can :) concentrate on your brother and try for him. Message me if you'd like to talk, okay? I"ll be here for you, and I really am not leaving. Not till you send me away or I die. I promise.
I am in class as I am writing this and I am fighting with my boyfriend that is sitting a few seats away from me. His ex is trying to split us up by making him fall for her again. I cant do it. I have to cut now. My anxiety is creeping back in and I dont think I can do it any more. I hate everything, everyone. I am struggling so much and I dont know if I can do it. My parents hate me and so do my friends. i dont know what to do. :(
Hi, I'm 17 and diagnosed with severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and anorexia. I started cutting in March of 2010, and although I've stopped for the most part, I do slip up here and there. It's a hard thing to stop, but it's definitely possible. Both of my arms are covered with scars, and my thighs and stomach have scars as well. I don't know if they'll ever go away. I've sort of learned to hide what I can, but to just let people get over it if they see my scars.
I would definitely suggest getting cuts checked out if they look red and inflamed or infected. And if one looks deep, definitely get it checked out. I've only gotten stitches once, but I know I've needed them at least 10 times. The scarring is much worse if you let them heal wide open like that.
I know what it's like to feel like no one loves you, and I know how it feels to want to disappear and just not exist. I've been there.
But you are loved. People care about you so much, and once you get past this, you're going to see that. You said you didn't take those pills because your little brother is your world. Think about it this way. If he means a ton to you, you probably mean a ton to him as well. And he looks up to you. It's going to tear him apart if he loses you. My being in hospitals tore my brother up, and he's 4 years older.
Recovery is hard. It's possible, but it takes effort and dedication. If you don't WANT to get better, you won't. It's that simple. If you are put on medication, you have to stay on those and follow the doctor's orders. Stopping those suddenly could cause psychological symptoms that worsen your condition.
If you need anything, I'm always here to talk to.
Sorry my reply wasn't well organized or anything. I'm sort of distracted haha.
Goodnight ♥
I would definitely suggest getting cuts checked out if they look red and inflamed or infected. And if one looks deep, definitely get it checked out. I've only gotten stitches once, but I know I've needed them at least 10 times. The scarring is much worse if you let them heal wide open like that.
I know what it's like to feel like no one loves you, and I know how it feels to want to disappear and just not exist. I've been there.
But you are loved. People care about you so much, and once you get past this, you're going to see that. You said you didn't take those pills because your little brother is your world. Think about it this way. If he means a ton to you, you probably mean a ton to him as well. And he looks up to you. It's going to tear him apart if he loses you. My being in hospitals tore my brother up, and he's 4 years older.
Recovery is hard. It's possible, but it takes effort and dedication. If you don't WANT to get better, you won't. It's that simple. If you are put on medication, you have to stay on those and follow the doctor's orders. Stopping those suddenly could cause psychological symptoms that worsen your condition.
If you need anything, I'm always here to talk to.
Sorry my reply wasn't well organized or anything. I'm sort of distracted haha.
Goodnight ♥
Thank you for replying, you had me concerned there.
You can do this, but you have to fight for it, life is one hurdle after the other but we all find our way. What meds do you take?
I was exactly like you at 15, I hated myself. I starved myself and made myself sick. I'd been self harming since I was 11. I still struggle to this very day and it is hard. This is all down to YOU. You are the only person who can accept help from your mum and people on here. You are the only person who can open up to your therapist, in fact, you are VERY lucky to get a therapist, as here in the UK they are very hard to get. You are loved very much by your mother by the sounds of things, but it is down to you to accept the love and help and stop questioning your self worth. You deserve to get better, and never think that you don't. Recovery is a hard long process, but don't make it any harder than it has to be.
I have seen your pics, you are a very beautiful young girl and you certainly do not need to lose weight, although having suffered with disordered eating myself I know that the person you are is not the person you see in the mirror.
You are in my thoughts, I'm always here if you need advice! When you feel the urge to cut, PLEASE PLEASE get in contact!
You can do this, but you have to fight for it, life is one hurdle after the other but we all find our way. What meds do you take?
I was exactly like you at 15, I hated myself. I starved myself and made myself sick. I'd been self harming since I was 11. I still struggle to this very day and it is hard. This is all down to YOU. You are the only person who can accept help from your mum and people on here. You are the only person who can open up to your therapist, in fact, you are VERY lucky to get a therapist, as here in the UK they are very hard to get. You are loved very much by your mother by the sounds of things, but it is down to you to accept the love and help and stop questioning your self worth. You deserve to get better, and never think that you don't. Recovery is a hard long process, but don't make it any harder than it has to be.
I have seen your pics, you are a very beautiful young girl and you certainly do not need to lose weight, although having suffered with disordered eating myself I know that the person you are is not the person you see in the mirror.
You are in my thoughts, I'm always here if you need advice! When you feel the urge to cut, PLEASE PLEASE get in contact!
THank you both but I cant do it.
I try so hard to stop but I cant.. Its all down my legs now and Im going so deep.. :'( My mum wants me to go to the hospital to get checked out. But that makes me feel even worse. I cut everyday sometimes more then once. I dont want to be like this but somehow it has gotten to the point where this is all I have. I have been put on medication which does help alittle bit but what no one realises is that no matter what anyone says or pus me on I will always hate myself and everything about me. No one gets that. I have to see my therapist tomorrow but I dont want to. I dont like going. I just want to be loved and live a normal life. I am going to these theme parks in september and I dont want to wear my bikini because you will see all my cuts. Im so scared but I cant stop. I get some sort of relese from cutting that nothing else besides dancing does to me. I just want someone to love me for me and not leave me like everyone else does. I just want to be normal. I want to be skinny and not so friggen messed up. I have the worst thoughts but when im with friends they dont notice my problems because im always smiling. I cant take it anymore. I had all these different medications out the other day so I could over dose but my little brother was home alone with me and I couldnt do that to him. He is my world. I cant leave because im not strong enough but im not strong enough to stay. I dont know what to do.. :(
I try so hard to stop but I cant.. Its all down my legs now and Im going so deep.. :'( My mum wants me to go to the hospital to get checked out. But that makes me feel even worse. I cut everyday sometimes more then once. I dont want to be like this but somehow it has gotten to the point where this is all I have. I have been put on medication which does help alittle bit but what no one realises is that no matter what anyone says or pus me on I will always hate myself and everything about me. No one gets that. I have to see my therapist tomorrow but I dont want to. I dont like going. I just want to be loved and live a normal life. I am going to these theme parks in september and I dont want to wear my bikini because you will see all my cuts. Im so scared but I cant stop. I get some sort of relese from cutting that nothing else besides dancing does to me. I just want someone to love me for me and not leave me like everyone else does. I just want to be normal. I want to be skinny and not so friggen messed up. I have the worst thoughts but when im with friends they dont notice my problems because im always smiling. I cant take it anymore. I had all these different medications out the other day so I could over dose but my little brother was home alone with me and I couldnt do that to him. He is my world. I cant leave because im not strong enough but im not strong enough to stay. I dont know what to do.. :(
Hi Lauren, I'm Angie. I completely understand how you feel. Everyone feels the pressure of life sometimes. Don't be so hard on yourself. Message me anytime if you need someone to listen or are just bored :)
Hello Lauren, I'm suprised that it's taken this long for someone to reply to your post as it's such a blatant cry for help, I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad and waiting for a reply for so long.
I too have depression and anxiety. I also self harm but not consistently, only when I'm at my lowest, so my heart really does go out to you on how you're feeling.
I honestly have to tell you that really have to stop cutting, I regret doing it so much. Do you self harm as a form of release or due to such self loathing, or both? You have a lot of the same problems I do, especially with regards to self esteem issues and panic attacks.
There are a lot of people on MedHelp who will be willing to help you and will not abandon you in times of need, that's exactly what this place is for. I'm sorry you feel so much pressure to be thin, especially as dancing is one of those industries where weight is a big issue.
We all understand, you're going through a horrible time, it all started for me at 13 and here I am still at 18 with some improvements but I still struggle. It's a long process, which needs a lot of dedication from you. Urge yourself to get better and open up at therapy. Express your concerns to us here, no one will turn you away.
Maybe you do need meds, my meds address depression and anxiety but as youre 15 some docs might be reluctant to put you on meds as it seems younger people are more vulnerable to the nasty side effects.
One day you will smile and be happy again, it's just so hard to see past the fog of depression hanging over you at the minute. Take refuge here and learn from the vast experience of others who have been battling similar things for years and are still here!
I'm sorry things are so bad for you at the minute, sometimes there are no right words to say but know that I'm here for you if you ever need to chat! You are not alone and it's a hard journey to feel happy again but we're all here to get you through this!
I too have depression and anxiety. I also self harm but not consistently, only when I'm at my lowest, so my heart really does go out to you on how you're feeling.
I honestly have to tell you that really have to stop cutting, I regret doing it so much. Do you self harm as a form of release or due to such self loathing, or both? You have a lot of the same problems I do, especially with regards to self esteem issues and panic attacks.
There are a lot of people on MedHelp who will be willing to help you and will not abandon you in times of need, that's exactly what this place is for. I'm sorry you feel so much pressure to be thin, especially as dancing is one of those industries where weight is a big issue.
We all understand, you're going through a horrible time, it all started for me at 13 and here I am still at 18 with some improvements but I still struggle. It's a long process, which needs a lot of dedication from you. Urge yourself to get better and open up at therapy. Express your concerns to us here, no one will turn you away.
Maybe you do need meds, my meds address depression and anxiety but as youre 15 some docs might be reluctant to put you on meds as it seems younger people are more vulnerable to the nasty side effects.
One day you will smile and be happy again, it's just so hard to see past the fog of depression hanging over you at the minute. Take refuge here and learn from the vast experience of others who have been battling similar things for years and are still here!
I'm sorry things are so bad for you at the minute, sometimes there are no right words to say but know that I'm here for you if you ever need to chat! You are not alone and it's a hard journey to feel happy again but we're all here to get you through this!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Teen Mental Health Issues Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
