Why do i keep doing this? =[

[mandivarri]

I just turned 16 and i recieved amazing gifts and spent time around my amazing family. but still i just wanted to cry everytime i saw someone esle happy. and its not because i am just that bitchy. its because i know i will never ever be able to feel like that. i have dealt with depression almost my entire life and never knew it. my father used to just yell at me and tell me that i was just making up excuses so i didnt have to do anything and my mom just said to stop complaining and act normal for once. this has hurt me my entire life. i have been through treatment and been put on drugs and no matter what nothing seems to help. i dont know how to be a teenager. and right now i am dealing with this huge self esteem thing where i dont feel happy when im alone because i feel like im such a loser that even if i wanted to i couldnt get anybody to hang out with me and when im with people i want nothing to do with being out. its a loose loose situation. my parents arent helping. my mother wants nothing to do with giving me any kind of freedom what so ever and i just cant help but get extremely pissed off and freeze up everytime she finds some completely rediculous and unrelated excuse for why i cant do something. even when im happy im not happy. and i can never make up my mind. i always want what i cant have but i dont ever want to be like that. i cant control what i feel and what i do anymore its like i have some kind of other soul inside me ruining the life i didnt have anyways. just making it worse. i dont want to go back to treatment. its the last thing i would ever want. but how do i feel confident and happy when the people i want to be around more than anything know nothing of my existence and even if they did i would have no idea how to behave around people since i am so used to being alone by choice. its simply easier. but not anymore when my mom has her eye on me 24/7 and i cant just cry when i want to b/c somebody will be up my *** about it and i dont have a reason to give them.

[untitledforher]

Like most, you'll have to let time pass. But with action. if you just sit there, and not do anything about it, then time will keep getting ahead of you. Dreams without actions stay dreams. So with that said, being at home, find a new hobby or something. I have never gone to a single birthday party in my whole life. I don't get to go anywhere without my parents, other than school and a relative's house. I feel confined and isolated, and in addition to that, I have an ugly protruding bone sticking out of my private place, so I can not even wear what I want. I do not feel beautiful at all. My parents also fight a lot, and scream at my brother an I about each others' mistakes. So the only thing I'm left with at home is to sing, and study. The studying helps me academically, and that's about the only thing good about it, since all the isolation is terrible for my social skills. So study or find a new hobby, is what I suggest.

[Judy246]

sorry...I didn't finish my comment and pressed the wrong button...anyway..You are not a looser, so stop thinking too much or your going to make yourself crazy.

If you want to star to feel confident, you must begin by accepting yourself for who you are and not what anyone else want you to be. Be yourself, accept what you can change and what you can't.  There is no such thing as perfection. Surround youself with people who like you just the way you are. They won't change you and your comfortable around them for who they are. Surround yourself with good people a good environment that doesn't have to be the "click" cool group and you will be just fine.  Life is hard and remember there is no such thing as perfection and happiness is what you make it out to be, so go out there, respect your parents and show they you are trustworth and they won't be so overly protective. Stay in school and seek out the people that will accept you for you! ....your going to be fine...just hang in there and one day at a time.

[Judy246]

Wow do have a lot going on. It seems like your mom is being a little over protective and I will tell you why?  You are at an age where it's down right dangerous to even be outside just hanging out.  She doesn't want anything to happend to you.  She mean well and loves you very much, but prove to her that your are trustworthy with your decisions and she will loosen up.

One reason your not happy is because your father yells at you and your mom tell you to stop complaining and act normal. There is no such thing as being happy all the time in life.  You are in an age that is transitional and will be going thru "growin pains".  That is how you are going to grow and mature, throught lifes experiences, so don't be so
hard on yourself.  

You are not a looser,