i am a teenager and extremely depressed

[najaa188]

well for a start I have always been depressed but for a year or so its gotten out of hand. My parents were like monsters when i was like 4 they were always screaming at each other and crying and i found out that the world is a twisted pace ever since i got hold of a laptop. I change my personality according to whomever I'm around,and i'll tell you exactly what you want to hear. not even my parents know the real me. I don't even think I know the real me. Due to knowing and being exposed to the reality I consider myself much more mature than the average teenager. There always on there phone,doing stupid things for attention,stealing and smoking cause they think its so cool or whatever. I have no friends because I'm smart and don't want to be sober at 13 and pregnant by 16.Im beyond the stage of caring about a stupid post on social media or how well known i am.my mind is a powerhouse of negative emotions, the most disturbing things seem comforting to me. ONCE i let my guard down in front of my friend,they one time i thought i could trust someone and show them who i really was they told me i was creepy,dark,evil and twisted and asked me to stay away from them. the next moment she started telling everybody that i was a creep. so yhea i learnt from that , that you can never be yourself (and no crappy line from a fairy tale is going to change that). I used to very sensitive and gullible and got used so much that you could say i have….well,trust issues. After nearly all my "so-called friends" diced me and made me a laughing stock things changed. I used to be the little innocent girl who would buy everyone anything,i would be invited to a parrtiny just to be paltered with pain at the entence, i was treated like a joke i would be the only who would help anybody if they were in trouble but would never be helped. I would wait for everyone and anyone but end up being left behind. I would try to repair fights but would end up being the one talked about behind my back when i did nothing. so i changed, i wasn't going to show them that i was weak or naive. i would mask every emotion because smiling or crying in front of anybody else was showing that you are vulnerable and thats the truth. i would never show that physical or emotional bulling got to me. i would act as if i was immune to pain in any way. my eyes would be only on the destination and would not weaver to avoid people staring and whispering. I would often be left out and not included in anything. i was the girl who sat alone and was considered weird. i convinced myself that i wasn't lonely but the truth be told deep inside me I knew i was so lonely. i made myself get lost in books. my escape from reality where anyone could be anything and every thing was possible. i envied the characters in the books who had real friend that won;d stick up for them,take a bullet for them and wouldn't judge them no matter how weird of unusual they are. to be honest, i considered these fictional characters as the friends i never had.i hate school and people so much it hurts. I have high psychotic tendencies, and extremely high internet addiction. I would tell my mom (i live with her) how i feel but then again i always mask to be the happy-go lucky type girl at home so she wouldn't believe me. i still dont believe I'm doing this but i need help, or else i think i'll brake. I'm scared.

[levyleaf]

I'm 14 and in a similar situation I wake up and tell myself I'm a piece of **** every morning the only thing that makes me get through the day is music and talking online  maybe add Yubo on your phone even though your talking to strangers your still talking to people hope you get better, wish I could.