TTC after loss and not thrilled

[BabyG2011]

Hi there, I know I should be so thrilled about trying again but I'm not. I have already had three losses (2 second trimester losses and 1 chemical pregnancy) My latest was the early miscarriage on June 26 so we'll be doing another IUI cycle once AF arrives. This will be my third iui and my two previous were successful as far as pregnancy is concerned but I still have not brought a baby home. My RE thinks I have ic and is recommending a cerclage and 17p shot to prevent preterm labor. In addition I'll be taking prometrium suppositories after ovulation/iui procedure and once pregnancy is confirmed I'll be getting a weekly progesterone supplement until week 17 then I'll start the 17p weekly injections. I'm not sure if the injections are the same... The doctors say they serve two different purposes....early to support the pregnancy later to prevent preterm labor. The cerclage will be placed at about 12 weeks. My doctor already has said that they need to leave my vagina alone when pregnant- no suppositories, sex, orgasms etc...and my perinatologist wants to watch me like a hawk. The only exception would probably be the early ultrasounds. Most likely I will be placed on strict bed rest if not by the doctors I'll probably put myself on it.

I know I should be grateful about my docs being proactive but all this does not sound very pleasant. After going through the first loss, infertility, more losses.... I'm just not thrilled anymore. I loved being pregnant with my daughter (2nd pregnancy) but it hurt so much to lose her. My first loss was also devastating but I just thought I was too young and naive. With my second pregnancy I did not allow my first loss to rob me of the enjoyment of expecting again. Now I don't know what to think or how to act. I was so disheartened when I broke the news of the third pregnancy to my fiancé because the joy is no longer there. I know he's afraid of being disappointed again but why couldn't he just enjoy the moment or at least fake it. Sometimes I think that's probably why I lost my third so early....negative vibes. Sometimes I fantasize about going through the iui with an annomynous donor that way I can be as happy about the pregnancy as much as I want to be without being disappointed that dad isn't happy for us.
I know I'm being hormonal because AF is due.... btw MIL is here from out of state to "help out" that isn't fun either. She's so noisy and still talks to my fiance's ex. I don't know what to think about her and she doesn't know how to cook so really no help....just interruptions. I work from home but now I think about going to the office.

So discouraged....no question just venting.  

[StephRox13]

No doubt good riddance! Your Monster in law is nothing but the Spoon stirring the pot. Not supportive at all!  I'm glad you & your man are back in sync. Keep your spirits up! I am enjoying my pregnancy! I got to see & hear my baby on Friday, 1st time in 4 pregnancies. Now I'm riding high & enjoying every high & low of my pregnancy.

Keep in touch! Good luck!  

[BabyG2011]

Thanks for your replies, ladies.
AF finally came and we do an iui at the end of the week once the follicles are mature enough. I'm exited and nervous.

MIL finally left...yay... Although I appreciate the gesture of trying to help she was useless and no
help. She actually thought that she could come and reunite us with her family who still carries on a very close friendship with fiance's ex. The ex goes to all the family gatherings in town so my fiance does not go. It's been over 11 years since they've been together. The ex is pushing 60 and my fiance is 38. So not only is she nasty old cougar she (tries) to stalk my fiance. She's as old as his mom and still calls all his aunts and mom to gossip. I really don't want anything to do with the old bags. MIL is just stirring up **** by trying to reunite everyone. So I sent her home real quick I will not put up with her BS. She was supposed to help me cook and clean but we were catering to her. Fiance was pissed because she had to go but she's been gone 4 days and we're in love again. I know he's afraid of another loss but she was not making things better she was stressing me out. She knew what she was doing. Good riddance, MIL or should I say monster in law.

Stephrox13, I am so excited for you. Please try to enjoy your pregnancy. This is a very special time for you and your family. Don't let fear and disappointment rob you from this special time . It's hard I know but please try. I am so glad I was able to share some precious moments with my daughter while she was in my womb a short time. Even though I miss her terribly I am grateful to have been able to love her.

[StephRox13]

All my losses have been early, 6 weeks or less. But as for excitement or lack there of I'm right there with you. When I did HPT & it came back positive both husband & I were how long is this one going to last, vs. Yay! We're expecting!  

We have a 10yr old, I have PCOS, & been ttc for 6 yrs no luck. Now with no drugs or help I can get pregnant I just can't stay pregnant.  I'm prego again 4th time in 14 months, 1st Dr visit not til 16th, no sense of urgency or worry on Drs end (kinda frustratin) but I feel great & "should be" at the end of 8th week. Due date of last pregnancy coming up at end of the month. Lots of conflicting emotions flying around.

Good luck! Hang in there.  

[ttc3since0908]

I don't know exactly how you feel but I understand a little.
I am so sorry that you have gone through what you have. Praying for you that everything gets better