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Do I have a UTI or STD
So I am married for the last 2 years and just found out that my husband cheated on me recently. He says that he used protection but I am unsure if he just said that to make me feel better. I now have burning down there with urination and without. pain in my lower belly and also under my rib areas (this pain is not constant in either area). It is presenting like my typical uti symptoms except for the constant burning I have down there. We have had lots of unprotected sex since his affair. I am worried about maybe having an std and not knowing it. I am trying to take cranberry pills and drink lots of water to flush out but this has not been very helpful. I am very busy and it is hard to get to a doctor that is only open the hours I work. any insight would be helpful. I am thinking that it is just a uti because of all the sex we have been having lately (he's trying to prove he loves me I guess) but there is always that thought in the back of my head about him being unfaithful and the possibility of him contacting something and bringing it back to me. Also, is it possible for him to have no symptoms and still have something? because he is not complaining about anything different. wouldn't it be painful for him to continue to have sex if he had an std?
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is VERY IMPORTANT that anyone who suspects they have an STI or UTI to get themselves checked out. Especially given the recent infidelity. Your husband should also be required to get a complete sti panel done and show you the results before resuming sexual relations. HPV, herpes, gardinella, bacterial vaginitis and others can all be transmitted by a male with no symptoms. In fact, men typically do not display symptoms.
For your own piece of mind, I would go to urgent care and get all the testing done.
For your own piece of mind, I would go to urgent care and get all the testing done.
11 Comments
I went today, definitely have a uti and all other testing will be back in a few days
Glad to read you went. In today’s environment, we can not afford to risk exposure to stds, or other diseases. I still strongly suggest you insist your husband be tested and provide you with proof he is clean. After he risked your health and his, you have every right to insist on his proving he is free from risk of exposing you.
I'm glad you went, too.
I totally agree with backhurtz - your husband should be tested and provide you with proof that he doesn't have any STDs.
Keep in mind that there are some window periods for certain infections.
Gonorrhea/chlamydia/NGU - he can test for these at about 5 days. He'd be at risk for these if he had unprotected sex (vaginal or anal) or received unprotected oral sex (though chlamydia isn't spread via oral).
Syphilis - he can test for this at 6 weeks, and it could take 3 weeks to 90 days to see symptoms. Syphilis is pretty uncommon, though, and unless he gets symptoms, a 6 week test is usually fine.
HIV - if he gets a 4th generation DUO test, this is conclusive at 28 days. If it's a standard antibody test, it's conclusive at 3 months.
Herpes - If he doesn't already have hsv1 orally (think cold sores), then he could get genital hsv1 from receiving oral sex. He is at risk for genital hsv2 from unprotected genital or anal sex, or grinding or rubbing while unclothed. This test can take up to 4 months to be conclusive, and he should ask for a type specific IgG blood test. (Note - it's not easy to get this test in some areas, like Canada and the UK, and some others. Also, if he tests positive for hsv1, and has no genital symptoms, it's probably an existing hsv1 infection, which he got as a child, like up to half the adult population who has it already. 90% never get a cold sore, so they never know they have it.)
The Heps -
Hepatitis A - mostly from contaminated food, and I wouldn't overly worry about this one.
Hep B - if he hasn't been vaccinated, he should test. This is in the same bodily fluids as HIV. The test will be conclusive at 90 days, though the average is 4 weeks.
Hep C - this is rarely spread sexually, and when it is, it's almost always via anal sex. If he didn't have unprotected anal, he doesn't really need to worry about this. If he's ever used needles for drug use, he should test.
Lots of sex doesn't prove he loves you. It proves that he likes having sex with you, and not much else. Getting tested and providing you copies of these tests is a good start in proving that he respects you. Having unprotected sex with you when he isn't sure he has been infected isn't a sign of respect, though. And even if your tests now are negative, it doesn't mean he doesn't have anything, so your negative tests aren't good enough for him to prove he's not infected. He needs his own tests.
I think marriages can recover from infidelity, but it takes a lot of work. Make sure you aren't the only one doing it. Don't hesitate to see a marriage counselor.
I totally agree with backhurtz - your husband should be tested and provide you with proof that he doesn't have any STDs.
Keep in mind that there are some window periods for certain infections.
Gonorrhea/chlamydia/NGU - he can test for these at about 5 days. He'd be at risk for these if he had unprotected sex (vaginal or anal) or received unprotected oral sex (though chlamydia isn't spread via oral).
Syphilis - he can test for this at 6 weeks, and it could take 3 weeks to 90 days to see symptoms. Syphilis is pretty uncommon, though, and unless he gets symptoms, a 6 week test is usually fine.
HIV - if he gets a 4th generation DUO test, this is conclusive at 28 days. If it's a standard antibody test, it's conclusive at 3 months.
Herpes - If he doesn't already have hsv1 orally (think cold sores), then he could get genital hsv1 from receiving oral sex. He is at risk for genital hsv2 from unprotected genital or anal sex, or grinding or rubbing while unclothed. This test can take up to 4 months to be conclusive, and he should ask for a type specific IgG blood test. (Note - it's not easy to get this test in some areas, like Canada and the UK, and some others. Also, if he tests positive for hsv1, and has no genital symptoms, it's probably an existing hsv1 infection, which he got as a child, like up to half the adult population who has it already. 90% never get a cold sore, so they never know they have it.)
The Heps -
Hepatitis A - mostly from contaminated food, and I wouldn't overly worry about this one.
Hep B - if he hasn't been vaccinated, he should test. This is in the same bodily fluids as HIV. The test will be conclusive at 90 days, though the average is 4 weeks.
Hep C - this is rarely spread sexually, and when it is, it's almost always via anal sex. If he didn't have unprotected anal, he doesn't really need to worry about this. If he's ever used needles for drug use, he should test.
Lots of sex doesn't prove he loves you. It proves that he likes having sex with you, and not much else. Getting tested and providing you copies of these tests is a good start in proving that he respects you. Having unprotected sex with you when he isn't sure he has been infected isn't a sign of respect, though. And even if your tests now are negative, it doesn't mean he doesn't have anything, so your negative tests aren't good enough for him to prove he's not infected. He needs his own tests.
I think marriages can recover from infidelity, but it takes a lot of work. Make sure you aren't the only one doing it. Don't hesitate to see a marriage counselor.
Oh and I completely forgot - if he gave oral, he needs oral testing for gonorrhea. This is a throat swab and can be done at 5 days. If you gave him oral after, and he tests positive for gonorrhea, you'll need treatment, too. The antibiotics you're on now for the UTI will likely mess up any further testing for you for a few weeks, and won't cure gonorrhea.
I hope you're feeling better from the UTI. :)
I hope you're feeling better from the UTI. :)
I definitely am and i was assured there was no oral given on his part
I'm glad you're feeling better. :)
So all my test came back normal no stds as of now. We both have the herpes virus already with little to no breakouts. He doesn't have a PCP so getting testing done could be hard. He assured me he used protection with her and no oral was given by him to her. I am unsure if I believe that or not (about the protection part). I am definitely going to ask him to get tested tho. He does not know I was tested just that I have a uti. We do have a lot of work, him more than me but I believe we will get through this. Thank you guys so much for your input.
He can go to the county health Dept for free testing, done anonymously. While I understand wanting to believe your spouse, he lied in order to carry on an affair in the first place, and he likely lied to both you and the affair partner during the affair.
Unfortunately, I am way too familiar with the depths of lies of a cheating spouse, and their ability to lie right to our faces, then twist it claiming they didn’t want to hurt us, or they used condoms, it only happened once... etc.
You did nothing to cause him to make the choice to cheat. Never allow that excuse to be laid at your feet. He could have chosen to leave, to insist on counseling, talk to you, separate or a million other choices than to choose to start a relationship while married to you, with someone else. I suggest survivinginfidelity.com
Unfortunately, I am way too familiar with the depths of lies of a cheating spouse, and their ability to lie right to our faces, then twist it claiming they didn’t want to hurt us, or they used condoms, it only happened once... etc.
You did nothing to cause him to make the choice to cheat. Never allow that excuse to be laid at your feet. He could have chosen to leave, to insist on counseling, talk to you, separate or a million other choices than to choose to start a relationship while married to you, with someone else. I suggest survivinginfidelity.com
backhurtz, I am giving you a standing ovation. :)
If you are in the US, you can google "your city and STD clinic", and find local ones, or "your county health department" to find them. If you live in New York City, you'd google STD clinics NYC, for example, or maybe free std clinics NYC.
He can go to a Planned Parenthood, an urgent care, or find a PCP. If he respects you, he will do this, and it's not even hard to do. He will go pee in a cup and get some blood drawn. At this point, his trustworthiness is nothing, and I'd have to double check if it was true when he said the sky was blue.
Maybe he used protection, maybe he didn't. Maybe there was oral, maybe there wasn't. At this point, it doesn't matter. He needs to test because he has proven himself to be untrustworthy and has shown he doesn't have your best interests at heart. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
Hang in there. :)
If you are in the US, you can google "your city and STD clinic", and find local ones, or "your county health department" to find them. If you live in New York City, you'd google STD clinics NYC, for example, or maybe free std clinics NYC.
He can go to a Planned Parenthood, an urgent care, or find a PCP. If he respects you, he will do this, and it's not even hard to do. He will go pee in a cup and get some blood drawn. At this point, his trustworthiness is nothing, and I'd have to double check if it was true when he said the sky was blue.
Maybe he used protection, maybe he didn't. Maybe there was oral, maybe there wasn't. At this point, it doesn't matter. He needs to test because he has proven himself to be untrustworthy and has shown he doesn't have your best interests at heart. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
Hang in there. :)
Oh and if you are outside the US, you can google your location and STD clinics, too. In the UK, they are called GUM clinics.
Thank you both, you are very helpful.
Can you go to an urgent care after work? They can easily test for a UTI and STDs.
An STD won't give you pain up near your rib cage, but it could certainly cause burning and urgency. I think at this point, you need to be seen no matter what the cause, because it isn't likely to get better.
An STD won't give you pain up near your rib cage, but it could certainly cause burning and urgency. I think at this point, you need to be seen no matter what the cause, because it isn't likely to get better.
1 Comments
Thank you, I am going to call my doctor in the morning as they do have Saturday hours
I have no idea whether it is SDT or UTI. Sounds like UTI to me, having had lots of those with all the burning and running to the toilet, but if it hasn't cleared up with all the usual treatment, it is time to do something about it. I am afraid you will need to find the time to go to the doctor.
1 Comments
Thank you
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