Sorry to read of your experience. Your case appears to be a complicated one. I would therefore suggest, as I do with my own patients, to obtain a second opinion. Reading your post, I am not sure why you would have to have an open procedure. It would be beneficial to get a second opinion for a doctor that is a member of one of the following societies:
American Urogynecologic Society AUGS http://www.mypelvichealth.org/
Society of Pelvic Reconstructive Surgeons SRS http://www.sprs.org/
Society of Gynecologic Surgeons SGS http://www.sprs.org/
JKM
Wow I am so sorry to hear about your experience in the O.R. I also am a RN and I find it appauling that the surgeon handled your hysterectomy in that way. I am curious about your age and have you had children yet because surely the MD should have taken that into condsideration and discussed that issue with your husband as well. I also am not sure about the laws for informed consent when a procedure is heading a different direction; I assume the MD was within the bounds of the law by calling your husband? I know personally I would have preferred to have been given the option to decide for myself even if it meant complications and more surgeries later to take out the uterus. So I completely feel for you and your situation. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would persue legal action with the medical board and also civil litigation. Was there no discussion whatsoever during your pre-op consult of the possibility of taking the uterus at the time of procedure if indicated as necessary?
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your experience. I am headed to the doctor today for my surgical consultation.