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118225 tn?1278654940

Do other moms feel this way? Or I am just really that crazy?

Well, I guess I should start with saying that I have anxiety.  I take Zoloft for it, but sometimes it doesn't help any my thoughts get the best of me.  Before I had kids, I used to constantly be afraid of death.  I would feel like every time I got sick I would die of cancer, and every time I had sex I would die of AIDS...it was exhausting being that scared all the time.  Well, now I have kids....and the one thing that TERRIFIES me is what if something happened to me now?  How would they cope?  My younger son is so attatched to me, he scares me the most.  Sometimes he will just say "mommy" over and over...will he do that if god forbid something happened to me?  What if something happened before my daughter is old enough to remember me?  When my kids tell me they love me its like bittersweet,..I love to hear it but it also terrifies me because I don't want  to leave them...so I guess I was wondering if other moms feel like this too, or if perhaps its time to talk about new medication for anxiety, lol.
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134578 tn?1642048000
Well, maybe new meds, LOL.  I've also heard that exercise can give you more benefit than Zoloft (it's been tested).  

Seriously, if you are obsessively concerned about your death (worrying about what would happen to your kids if you die seems pretty usual, but that part about not being entirely happy when they say "I love you" seems a little unusual), then it would be a good idea to get to a therapist and talk about it.  Having to cope with such big emotional reactions on top of living a normal life can rob you of the day-to-day pleasures, and cost you a lot of energy in just daily living.
Helpful - 0
184342 tn?1282588750
I wonder from time to time-  think about the what if's-  but I don't dwell on it...  I wouldn't say that I feel as strongly about it as you do...  like annie said,  I think it is normal to think about these things, but it sounds like talking to some one about it would help a bit!  :)
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118225 tn?1278654940
I just wanted to make sure I clarify, lol.  That part about them saying I love yoe....hearing it makes me happy, but it scares me because I feel the more they love me, the more it would hurt them if something happened to me...does that make sense it a wierd way?  I WANT them to love me as I love them with every ounce of my being....

You are right though, I have always felt that my problems with anxiety and what not to rob me from being able to enjoy life.
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Avatar universal
Your Not alone huni, I do it all the time I am scared to death of dying and what would happen to my kids if I die. My hubby I'm sure gets tired of me talking about that to him but he is a good man and listens and other then my mother is my sole support on this issue. I was told when I was younger that I have bi polar but hate that because I dont like to be seen at "crazy"..At least you are getting help.. I am to scared to do that. My biggest fear is that people would look at me and deem me unfit mother just based on the fact that I have these "problems" (I never have any thoughts of hurting my childern) I have had post partum(sp) depression after all my kids but faked my was through it when people were around.. I'm worried since this will be my fourth and My oldest is starting school just as she is being born that it will all be to much for me and I will have a breakdown... O well Im alittle off topic and sorry to ramble.. Its just nice to know that I'm not the only mother going through this.. Get ahold of me if you would like to talk more...
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Avatar universal
A mother is never forgotten, even if that mother was only a mother for a few short hours or years- it is embedded into their memories. Your scent, voice and touch are all things that they would always remember.
Would it help if you came up with a concrete plan for the "what ifs" so that you don't have to wonder what would happen to them or who would care for them? It is reassuring when you know for sure who would be looking after them and even writing a hand-written note to each of your children now that they can open later from you is a wonderful gift. You could write it too in such a way that it tells them your dreams for them, how much you love them and how special they are and it could be something that they could also open on their 18th birthday too (because most likely you'll be around for it:)
I find that inaction makes anxiety worse. What ifs are difficult to deal with, but I am very at peace with the fact that I am certain that if my time is to come then God will provide for my children and that they will just "know" that their mom loved them very much. I am pretty certain too my spouse would remarry (crazy to think about but true) and that my children would be mothered. While my DD is totally attached to me and I am certain it would be very difficult on her, I am just as certain that what is meant to be will be and that fretting over it won't change things and would only serve to take away from the years I do have with them and my kids would pick up on my anxiety and become fearful themselves.
It is possible too you may need a change in meds, though, if you are feeling quite anxious..if it helps, I'd go for it and get the doc to switch you to something else.
All moms worry about leaving their children behind because we are moms and our job is to protect and nurture our children and it seems that it would be impossible for our kids to get along without us...but kids are very resilient and if you raise them to be loving, well-adjusted children, they will shine no matter their circumstances.
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Avatar universal
Hi Ziggy.

I don't have the same thoughts as you, but I do suffer from extreme anxiety sometimes. I have never taken any meds, but after the birth of my 2 kids, I felt as though I could no longer handle much of the stress and anxiety (there are other things too) that came along in my life. SO I $ucked it up and went to a therapist suggested by my OB/GYN. she is excellent, and she deals specifically with stress/anxiety/ pain management. It has been a huge help, and I have only gone twice.

It does not mean you are crazy, it just means you at a point in your life where you need a little boost. Help sorting things out, and to feel happy again. I highly suggest it. What can it hurt?
Helpful - 0
285848 tn?1219092313
Hey Ziggy,

I have had generalized anxiety disorder for about 10 years (diagnosed 6 years ago). I went on zoloft at 50mg a day. Like you I had the same fears about death. Any little pain or twitch I thought I was going to die. I was afraid of everything and indeed it was exhausting! I was a teen going to school at the time too. I had a hard time going to school and doing regular activities. Anyways. After about a year the zolofts affects started to taper off and it seemed like sometimes it didn't work. I was upped to 100mg and I was fine. After a while I stopped taking it just to see if I had somehow been cured. After a month or two I decided I still needed it. Going from 0-100mg of zoloft made me feel like I was on crack and sick to my stomach all the time. I thought about it and figured...100mg is way too much! So I go back to the dr. I got prescribed 10mg of Lexapro a day. The side affects were like nothing compared to the zoloft and it worked just as good. Maybe you can asked to be upped in dosage or change to another medication. I feel your pain and its so much harder to deal with then people think. Constantly battling your mind all day long is tiring...especially when you start to physically feel all the things you feel like youll die of. Like one small stab of pain to the chest, you think oh god heart attack! Then you start breathing heavy, sweating, have more chest pain and heart palpatations...Its horrible. You need some help so that you ca be there for your beautiful babies and dont be afraid to ask for it. Good luck hun!  
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