moving on..

[keeks88]

Hello!
Is anyone having a hard time simply moving on?

When I found out I was pregnant, I was absolutely shocked. My husband and I have only been married for 3 months, he has three amazing kids from a previous marriage. We did not want them to feel like they were getting pushed aside, so we made to choice for me go on birth control until our family adjusted to our marriage. We should have decided sooner..

I went to the doctor and to our surprise, pregnant. We were pregnant. This made is all so happy, and suddenly our mindset had changed. We wanted our baby, and we were falling in love. The kids were too..heck..even the ex wife was excited. Especially me though. I was in love with my little baby. 8 weeks pregnant, the bleeding started. I called my doctor, they told me not to worry. It just felt in my heart something was wrong. I kept telling my husband I knew something wasn't right. We changed doctors. Immediately they did an ultrasound, my 8 weeks sac was only measuring 5 weeks. I insisted ae give it more time, one week later, same results. My body wasn't naturally miscarrying, so I ended up having to take Cytotec. I felt horrible, like I was forcing this baby out of me. It breaks my heart. I know I have to trust God, but I am heartbroken. I feel like I am the only one who's hurting. It kills me. My husband is so supportive, but I am the one who carried and lost, so I feel my hurt is different.

Everyone keeps telling me to try again, but I am not sure, honestly. I don't want to face to hurt again.

[AnnieBrooke]

When I miscarried my twins, my doctor mentioned to me that if I wanted, I could have a funeral director get them at the lab (where they had been held for a surprising length of time, three weeks at that point), and could have them cremated and even have a ceremony.  I did arrange for the funeral director and the cremation, and took the ashes and spread them in the daffodil bed at home.  I didn't want my babies to be left behind at the hospital, I wanted to do this one last thing that I could do, for them.  The memorial place also had a ceremony once a year for all the miscarried babies, which was nice that they do but I didn't need to go.  I felt the completion from getting my babies properly handled and taking their ashes home.  Every February when the daffodils bloom, I walk in the flowers and feel the twins are there.

Nobody knows why God lets some of the stars shine for us for such a small time, and bring so much joy, and then they leave.  Maybe it's to bring us the joy they brought.  

I'm sorry for your loss, possibly a ceremony or service (if it is too late to arrange for the remains, just holding a ceremony or planting a tree or blooming shrub) might help.

[AnnieBrooke]

ps - They were 7 weeks.  Meaning, your baby is not too small.