1999441 tn?1589741765

Breasts no sexual feeling

My wife says that playing with or touching her breasts does nothing for her.  She gets nothing out of me playing with them or touching them or sucking on them.  She calls them her worthless lumps of fat.  She says she has never ever had anyone give her a sexual feeling playing with her breasts when she has sex.  She started when she was 14 and by the time she met me she had almost 200 lovers and none of them ever turned her on touching or playing with her breasts.  She also cannot have an orgasm unless she does it herself manually.  She says none of the lovers have ever given her an orgasm including me.
Any idea what the problem is?
2 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
Sounds like more than the breasts. Does she have access to a counselor or therapist? 200 lovers is a lot in the time between age 14 and getting married, and it suggests she's not getting much out of sex in general. The question would be why, and she could unpack that with the help of a good therapist.
I would love to get her to go but trying to get her to do anything she doesn't want to is next to impossible.
I wasn't suggesting you "get her to go." A lot of people who write in are not in the position where therapy could be an option, either due to lack of access to a therapist, or because of the cost. So I was wondering if she even had access if she wanted to see someone.

This wouldn't be you getting her to go or even suggesting it. (When a loved one suggests therapy, it's like saying "I think you are mentally imbalanced," and of course that doesn't do anything good for the relationship.) It would be for her, so she can figure out what's going on with herself. A side effect might be that you would be also benefit, but the main point would be that she would understand herself better if she doesn't know where the antipathy to sex comes from.

I would assume because of so many sexual encounters, that at least some of the relations that she had with men were painful to her, or simply not desirable. If that had happened to me, I might not like to have my body played with, either, even by a man who loves me.
She says that the only thing even close to trauma was when she was about 18 and two guys drugged her and she woke up on the bed naked with cum running out of her.  She says she doesn't remember it and claims it didn't affect her other than having her infant son removed from her care by the state because she had locked him in his room. (He had a tendency to get out and start fires, he was 4 years old and has mental problems).   Someone found her naked on the bed unconscious and called the cops. By then she had already had a bunch of sex encounters from 14 years old and she says she had about 50 by the time she was 18.  
Having been drugged and used sexually by two guys and then losing your child as a result is pretty much a definition of  traumatic. Even having had 50 sexual encounters between age 14 and 18 would be my idea of sexual trauma, since at age 14, you're only just beginning to figure out yourself as a growing female with a body that is past puberty. You don't need any horndog guy to tell you that your value is just as someone to go to bed with, let alone 50 of them. But, as you say, you aren't the one to tell her this, she's the one to wonder what it did to her.

If she isn't interested in figuring out where her antipathy to sex comes from, then you have to decide how much it distresses you to be in a relationship with her. My husband tells me that a woman being willing to go to bed with a guy is the greatest feeling of confirmation in the world. If this is also true for you, and if your wife's indifference is enough to trouble you, then you might have to re-think being with her. I think she has reasons to feel the way she does, not having to do with you but to do with how she feels about herself and probably reinforced by her past experiences. But if she isn't willing to dig (and a lot of people aren't emotionally ready to dig into things like this) you can't dig for her, and you can't make her. I'm sorry.
13167 tn?1327194124
That she had 200 lovers suggests childhood sexual abuse.  And so does inability to orgasm with a partner,  for women who have the ability to orgasm by themselves.
I told her what was said here in the comments and she claims that she was never molested, she just like the feel of a **** inside her.  She says the closes the ever came to being molested was once when her drunken dad tried to kiss her and she pushed him away and ran.  Her younger sister was molested once by an uncle and once by a cousin.  To this day she hates both.  So no molestation.  
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