Could I be pregnant?? Please help (I don’t want to be pregnant)

[Amy_stough]

Am I pregnant? I know I am crazy before I go any further I am just looking for some reassurance. A month and a half ago (May 21st) I had sex with a condom. It broke half way through and we stopped. The thing is I ran out of my birth control so I was 3 days late starting my new pack and was only 3 days into the new pack the day of sexual intercourse. Technically I probably wasn’t covered by birth control since I was off active pills for a week (4 placebo days and 3 off due to lack of a pack). He didn’t finish so the chance something got me would be precum. The next day I took 3 birth control pills as I was told it was equivalent to plan B. Now I have taken several home pregnancy tests, all negative. The latest one was 2 days ago which by now I calculated I would be 8/9 weeks pregnant, so it would have to come out positive right? After having sex I got my normal period on the placebo week of the pack. I’ve been having a ton of spotting/breakthrough bleeding the past 2 months. I think this is because I’m only finishing my 3rd pack of the birth control therefore I’m still getting regulated and it’s a low dose so that could have a factor. This past week (the week before placebo week) I got what seemed like a period. I had heavier bleeding with clots and cramping, it seems I’ve been getting this even before having sex. I haven’t had any nausea or vomiting, breasts were a little tender one day but other than that normal. My breasts are a bit bigger and veiny but I think that’s because they have been growing from the birth control. I have also been having a weird fluttering/twitching in my lower abdomen and sides which feels like it could be my uterus/ovaries but read it could be my colon? It kind of moves around from my ovaries to uterus to even sides into back and close to rectum. I was told I have a slowing moving large intestine which maybe it’s that (I have a history of gastrointestinal issues)? I also went to the doctor 3 weeks back to get STD tested (negative) just to be safe in which she did a pelvic exam. Would she be able to tell if I was pregnant again? I saw her 3 weeks previous to the STD testing and she told me the chances were super super low and to test 2 weeks after intercourse in which I did. During the exam on the STD testing she asked about my period that month due to taking then 3 birth control pills and everything was pretty much normal and she didn’t have a concern about pregnancy. I just have felt so weird lately and I just think it could be my stress levels since I literally convince myself I have all these medical diagnoses. If you can see I’ve been a nervous wreck which can be the cause to my bleeding too. Please don’t hate on me, I have realized after that I am not ready to be active. I am seeing my doctor next week for my annual, but I just want opinions before.

[AnnieBrooke]

If your doctor cannot reassure you (who went to medical school for many years and has been in practice quite some time and was looking at your body, your test results, and your medical record), what chance do you have to be reassured by an anonymous person on the Internet that probably does not have a medical degree?

My suggestion is to go to the Dollar Store and stock up on pregnancy tests and take one every morning for a week or two weeks. If this idea strikes you as a silly waste of money, it probably means you know in your heart that you are not pregnant.

Don't transfer anxiety about having sex into an OCD-like obsession on worst-case scenarios.

[Amy_stough]

I know Annie! At times I feel completely insane and am like why am I doing this I know I’m not pregnant. I think I regret having sexual intercourse with the particular person in which is why I’m having a hard time letting go to the thought of being pregnant along with all the side effects I’ve been having from either my birth control and/or stress added into it I just relate it to pregnancy! I think it’s time to move on! Thanks for your reply!

[AnnieBrooke]

Sweetheart, regret about sleeping with the wrong person can be a real witches' brew. For some women, the anxiety it produces can be very hard to face directly, especially if what she did is contrary to the person she wants to be. The thing happened, it can't be wished away or gotten out of, and some women don't like to face that they are the kind of person who could do what she did undeniably do. This produces anxiety that is really hard to process because it is so contrary to identity, so it gets transferred by the brain to something easier to face and more cut-and-dried, such as "Could I be pregnant?"  Unfortunately, that is not so useful of a strategy, because answering the easier-to-face question does not really solve the anxiety (which was not really about that question in the first place). So the woman obsesses and obsesses, even in the face of clear medical evidence. This will probably keep occurring until you are able to face what you did or what you think it says about you.

(We see this phenomenon all the time in DNA/Paternity over the question of who the father of a pregnant woman's baby might be. Even when the dates do not suggest it, a woman who feels bad about herself for sleeping with the wrong guy, will often transfer her worry to an obsession that the baby might be from him, and won't be convinced all the way up to DNA tests that her worries are groundless. Only when she processes the fact that she is ashamed that she had the sex with the wrong guy, do her worries about paternity go away.)

Anyway, all I can say is, whatever your recent action makes you think about yourself, stop letting your brain shunt the worry to whether you are pregnant. If the idea that you had the sex with the guy makes you squirm, see a counselor and talk it over. We all do things in life we wish we hadn't, and can't make go away. But part of life is learning to live with ourself in all our blemishes as well as all our good parts -- being an adult is learning to stand up and walk on, even though imperfect, and learning to love ourselves the way we are.

Annie

[Amy_stough]

Wow, you totally enlightened me! This is completely true about all I’m feeling! Thank you so much Annie, you were of much needed help!