update on i want a baby he doesnt

[souza123]

i recently posted about my husband telling me he wanted kids when we got engaged and now that were married telling me he never does.
I'm extremely nervous because a few weeks ago i forgot to take my birth control (i promise i didn't do it on purpose i wasn't planning on even trying for a baby for a year). and my period is 2 days late i had spotting for about a day and yesterday and today ive been throwing up. at first i was scared that i would never have a baby and now im scared that i might be pregnant.
and if i am, im scared my husband will leave me.i'm going to take a test tonight after work.
any suggestions?

-Souza

[spratling33411]

that is so great baby, i been praying for u both. im so happy *hugs*

[sparkeler]

Its great to see you have a happy ending!

[oceans3]

PHEW....so glad that it worked out for you! having a baby is stressful enough without all that added man drama!
now you can focus on the pregnancy and ask away! although now you can "advance" over to the maternal forum! you've graduated!

[souza123]

last night was so perfect after i told him he just sat there for a minute or two and out of no where just started crying and then he reached over the table and hugged me. then he started calling everyone he could think of to tell them! we had a amazing night last night! and when i woke up this morning( he had work early and i have the day off).. there was a bunch of light pink and violet flowers next to the bed with a card that said mommy on it! and he went and got me my favorite sourdough and cheese bagel and put it on the counter in the kitchen! im so excited! i told my mom to come over tonight for dinner because i missed her since shes been gone, and im going to give her a sweater that says the world's best grandma!! she is going to be so exciting!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

[mejoje]

CONGRATULATONS !!!!!!

It is ssssooo wonderful to hear that he is excited! Have fun and enjoy the coming months.

[justlittleolme]

Congratulations!!!!!

[oceans3]

just wondering if you were back yet! post tonight!!! never mind tomorrow...although i will be getting off to bed soon. hope it went well.

[souza123]

it went perfect i have never been so happy in my life he starting crying and hugged me i think he totally forgot about saying he didn't want one. he started talking about names. he hasn't stopped smiling hes going to the store right now to get sparkling cider to celebrate im sooooooooooooo happy!!!!!! this is so perfect its like a miracle! thank you all so much! i'll write more in detail tomorow!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox souza

[AnnieBrooke]

Boy, souza, there is no news better than that after so much worry!  Congratulations, you are going to be a mommy and he is going to be a daddy!!!!!

[souza123]

thanks i was craving a 7 up lol! were going to dinner in 30 min. im so nervous hes in the shower i cant stop checking this to see what you all are saying i'll keep you posted either tonight or tomorow!!!!!

[AnnieBrooke]

Souza, about food:  Soda is very laden with sugar; you don't want to drink much of it because of the risk of gestational diabetes.  Did you know that a can of pop has up to 12 teaspoons of sugar if it is not diet?  EEEEW!  And if it is diet, then you have to worry about all the chemicals in it.  Until you get your books, the main things to watch out for are:  no alcohol, no smoke (ciggies yourself or second-hand), immediately do add pre-natal vitamins to your morning routine and if you want to, extra folic acid (I take a lot of it separately from my prenatals), and limit the excess salts, sugars and carbs.  Fats OK only if truly in moderation, but stay away from transfats.  Use olive oil on your salads -- it's wonderful for you!  Snack on fruits as much as you can rather than cookies or chips.  Also move to whole grains instead of white flour products, because of the nutrition aspects and because of difficulty with constipation LOL.  The rest, you will be able to get from your doc and from books.  Good luck again on the big talk with dh, I'm thinking of you!  Annie

Who is this:  Thanks for the very nice compliment!  A.

[souza123]

hey im getting ready for dinner im sooooo nervous thank you all for the advice its made this so much easier! can you drink soda while your pregnant i havent gone and gotten all the books and stuff yet?

[Red_Rose]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Id say firstly just sit back a minute, the thing u wanted the most has happened! You gonna be a mom! If ur not happy how are u gonna reassure him? Dont be scared. I dont know how well u know this guy but Im sure enough to have married him. If he agreed to kids before unless hes a complete lier and someone not worth being with, Im sure theres something behind it. I think maybe before it was a reality maybe he thought yea I could be a dad but then when u were married it became a possibility and maybe he thought what if Im a bad dad what if.... like I think oceans? said above.

I think maybe u could write it in a card if ur that nervous to say, but do something before hand to totally mellow out, like if hes got a day off or weekend maybe breakfast in bed, maybe a massage then a picnic etc romantic dinner. Make the whole day or as much as possible calming and romantic, and then either say, honey I know we didnt plan to, but.... or give the card. Dont sound appologetic, stand ur ground in a nice way. Maybe dont tell him u missed the pill, its not good to lie but maybe if he doesnt ask.. you decide on that one. I cant chat I know if I were u Id be just as worried even tho I know what should be done maybe just as u do. Tell him all the positives, how great it will be for him to have someone who loves him unconditionally who will look up to him, make him realise its something for him to feel proud, its a little him etc. Im sure ul be fine. And I agree with the above that in the worst case senario, if he says he is gonna leave try get it to just be a break rather than forever, maybe even a holiday waway together if u can. You never know if he has that break from you it may make him realise how much he needs you and warm to the idea. And if he does actually leave for good, Im afraid you'll know he just wasnt what he made out to be. And as hard as it may be, I think it would be better to let him walk away than chase im, cos then u would never know if he really wanted to be with you. ( u could chase a bit but not submiss to him(a bit of weak side coming out again!))

All the best, and remember try to not stress u know ur pregnant now try and be happy! It may not of been how u wanted it but I believe it was meant to be!

[who_is_this]

I totally and completely agree with Annie.  It's unfortunate that the baby issue was settled without his knowledge or apparent consent at this time.  But the horse is out of the barn now, and Annies excellent advice should be given careful attention.  Hopefully, he'll come around.  

Best wishes.

[souza123]

thank you all so much im taking my husband out to his favorite resturuant tonight to tell him...i know this might sound kinda weird but last night i had a dream that  when i tell him hes gonna be ok with it and hes gonna be happy! i really hope my dream comes true. im also not as scared because my moms getting home from her cruize tomorow and i know shes going to be extremely happy!
thank you again,i'll keep you posted im sure i'll have lots of questions about pregnancy!

[lorriep]

Two of my 5 pregnancies were "accidents" (my second and my fifth pregnancies).  It took my husband 3-4 months to get
over his anger.  One I was kind of trying to get pregnant
and the other was a total surprise.  Now he can't imagine
his life without our little "accidents".  (One son is 14
the other is a boy, too - he's 6.)  I pray everything
will go okay tonight.  Please keep us posted.

[oceans3]

good idea taking him out so he cant really "blow up"
in MY opinion, i think he will be angry (initially!!) and then like i said, "come around" once the idea sets in. so just be prepared for anything!
just to analyze your dream a bit because i love that...when you dream of people, they are all aspects of you. both male/masculine and female/feminine qualities that we all hold. so when you were dreaming of your husband/dream character,he represents your own personality. for example, if a friend of yours is in your dream, look at what she is doing/saying in your dream and see if that is how you feel, or something you would say. its "funny" because dreaming of your husband means you are in alliance with your feminine side of emotions and logical masculine side. hmmmm? okay, that will be .5 cents please..LOL
best of luck and do not forget to post. we will be waiting!

[sparkeler]

Good Luck.

[AnnieBrooke]

The other thing I keep coming back to, is that he knew that having a baby meant the world to you from well before you were married.  I hope to heaven I'm wrong but his knowing this and suddenly giving you this "not cut out to be a father" stuff suggests to me that he has changed his mind not about fatherhood but about the marriage, and is trying to manipulate you into leaving him so he won't have to be the "at fault" party.  Like I said, I really, really hope this isn't the case, but maybe it's best to be prepared.  You are well off without someone like that, if it comes to it.  Good luck, honey.

[sparkeler]

I think he tricked you in to thinking he wanted kids before you got married so you wouldnt leave him.  Now all of a sudden after you two married he doesn't want kids?  If you are pregnant, don't be scared that he will leave you.  You are giving him way to much power. It sounds like you are fearful of your husband and it is not healthy.

[asher01]

hi, seems to me that maybe since your late you could actually be pregnant. also if your husband were to leave you because you got pregnant then he really isn't right for you. he would stand beside you no matter what if he loves you. you never know though maybe if you are pregnant he'll be happy and no matter what his feelings are at first he'll eventually be happy. esp when he sees his child for the first time. let us know how your test goes, good luck... i hope all goes very well for you!!!

[AnnieBrooke]

I sure hope he is not furious thinking you did it "accidentally on purpose."  You guys have some talking to do.  Good luck!!!!!  Annie

[Red_Rose]

I think the first thing to do is relax. Maybe the stress of the whole preg thing is making u a bit ill, and periods go funny. But if it turns out u are pregnant, (sounds like u have a couple of symtoms) just talk to him about it. Be prepared for him to over react but dont give up on him, if u keep letting him know u love him if he truely loves u Im sure he'll come round. Like I said before maybe hes scared he wont be good enough etc. Maybe if u find out u are try and find out why he doesnt want to to try and put him at ease if there is a real reason.

Good luck

[oceans3]

i just cant believe all of this! its sounds like a whirlwind! ya know what, you will just need to tell him. plain and simple! let him know you are scared and excited. get a card or something and write it in there.  he will most likely be shocked and upset but i really feel in my heart he will "come around" you know guys, they need "time" to digest it all. they are different than us gals and worry about different thing. we worry about what to buy the baby, if its a boy/girl, the birth and men worry about money, time (or lack of it) if they will be a good father, college... i cannot believe its positive! i am shocked myself!