Hi. My name is Mike. I'm an addict. My drug of choice? Oxycontin. Years of being an addict? 15 years. Years in recovery from addiction? 9 years. Days clean out of 15 years? Zero! Age? 35 years old.
Now, I had only given rehab 1 chance in my whole career as a bonafide Master in the art of Drug overuse and serious abuse. I believe it was the new year of 2002. It was a blizzard Winter-scape, at any rate. One hopeless morning I called my City prosecutor on the telephone, introduced myself and told him I was addicted to Oxycontin and in need of help- bad. He gave me 2 options; Jail or rehab. "Well, that's a no-brainer", I proclaimed. "Send me to the Jail, I hear rehab is for alcoholics".
Nah, of course I am a good liar, but I chose the rehab. Gotcha? Oh well. Anyways, moving on...
My Woman drove me up that very evening, was solemn to see me go and slid me about 15 to 20 Valium 10's and said, "hide them in the lining of your baseball cap, they'll help you sleep". I felt so loved at that moment, yet so determined to become a better Man for her and our Babies. So, I check in and they ask me about my insurance, I felt so special saying, "The Prosecutor sent me, he had told me you were awaiting my arrival?". "Oh yes, Mr. SoNso, please fill out this paperwork and we'll lead you to your room to unpack", the nurse said as she prepared me a combination of Benadryl and Seroquil. Got to my room, instantly felt alone and hopeless. I pulled out valium after valium and finished them all off that night, even though I entered the facility extremely dosed out on my OC's.
I slept Hard that night, real hard and was awoken the next morning, earlier than an addict ever gets up, by some Woman that looked drugged out herself and intensely reeked of cigarette smoke. She demanded I get up, I demanded I stay in bed. I woke up 2 hours later and went to the nurse's station and she tells me, "We've never let someone stay in bed until Noon here, you should feel very good this morning!". I'm like, "well I don't. That Woman tugging on me this morning reeked of cigarette smoke BAD and I don't get up that early". She tells me I need to get ready because in 15 minutes I gotta go see a counselor. I'm like okay, but I'm feeling a little nervous about seeing a counselor that soon. I mean, I just woke up and I hadn't even had any meals yet.
[I'm gonna make this brief, leave out a lot of details, sorta just summarize my visit, then dwell on the aftermath of my addiction and what may be the root of the disaster I currently find myself swelled up inside.]
Now, that "Smoke reeking, over eating excuse of a Woman" that woke me up in the early morning just happened to be the counselor. And when I walked into her little disaster of an office, only 4' X 8', my first reaction was, "Geez, you stink like smoke". She was highly offended as her brows raised to her scalp. She then scowled at me for insulting her insinuating that I'm basically in no position to "judge". Hey, honesty is not judgment, rude or nice.
So, she asks me how long I've used, my dosage, etc. and abruptly cuts me off within seconds declaring that I need to be transferred to another facility. A rehabilitation center called "The DiNofrio Home", for a 6 month stay. I exhorted her absurdness directly and howled, "You're nuts"! Because People, I ain't got 6 months to spend in no "Hotel" across town from My Family. Then she interjected that as soon as our session was over, I was to attend Immediately, an NA meeting being held in the center. Again, I denoted the idea as I did not feel very comfortable at this time, "I've been here less than 12 hours and you already expect me to go tell my story to group of strangers I know nothing about?" She says, "That's part of my recovery and I ''have'' to go". So, go I do and I just sit there for 20 minutes, get up and leave. It was ridiculous. It was no NA meeting, it was crack heads and Alcoholics who I could not relate with- Sorry!
That pretty much spoiled my day. I went and purchased some vending food, ate some fruits and then I went to the Nurse. "Nurse, help me, I'm getting sick... what can you do for me?" She replies, "Vitamin B-12, Motrin and Seroquil (which none of the above, in any dose does anything to stave off opiate withdrawal). I take the pills and ask if there's a bath tub. Their showers were filthy, and luckily, she directed me to the room and there it was. It appeared as though it had been installed in 1972 and never used. In an ordinary bathroom, I stayed all day submerged in hot water.
Around supper time, the girl who led the morning meeting was showboating and I could tell by visual cues that she didn't like my attitude. Suddenly, the administration comes and gets me from the cafeteria to inspect while they go through my baggage and check the room for "drugs". They claimed that I told someone I had drugs and wanted me to tell them where they were. Now, mind you, when I entered the previous night, I had 15-20 valium 10's, but I ate them all that night. So, I had nothing and told nobody anything about any "drugs". This action was just something that demeaned me even more, as if I wasn't already insulted and hopeless just being inside those walls. After finding NOTHING, I tell them, "Hey, you forgot to check my baseball cap, maybe I stuffed some drugs under the lining", just to be a smart alec. They never thought about that, "Well, at least we both learned something new here", I gloated.
Let's cut to that evening. Around 9:00, the staff has everyone shuffled like cards into their decks. By 10:00pm No One is "allowed" to leave their room. Mind you, they give you Benadryl to sleep. Well, I kept kicking and couldn't get comfy so I go out there for the 1st try to get some assistance but to no avail. I'm ordered back to my room. 5 min. later, I open the door and a BIG BAD Security orderly yells at me like I'm in a Prison, "Get back to your room and DON'T come out". Well, I didn't take it so seriously. I turned on the light and realized I wasn't going to sleep that night. So, I open the door again and BIG BAD Security orderly is yelling and jabbing his finger into my chest to go to bed. My reaction? Oh, I go to my room, pack my bag and walk past BIG BAD *** motherfucking ***** and try to walk out the front door. It's locked. I order them to unlock the door, I Ain't staying!!!!
It's a cold Blizzard outside, it's around 11:30pm and I'm walking in a bad neighborhood on a Saturday night looking for a phone.
Knowing I have Kids, by the time I find a phone I'm at an all black Tavern at 1:30am. I'm the only white boy in town and was not willing to call my Woman to pick me up loading loading Our Children. I called my Dad. He's there quick, takes me home and I come through the door to be smothered with hugs, kisses and "I Love You's" and "I'm so glad you came back to me" and "I missed you so much, my heart hurts". My Woman was happy to see me. So happy in fact, I hadn't paid enough attention. I was too busy ranting about the rehab to My Dad and not relating the story to my Woman. Looking back, I can see why she felt like 2nd place.