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Avatar universal

A little about me

I decided to post a little about me and my family. 1st of all I have anxiety. I have phobias and social fears. I freak out when I have to talk on the phone. I'm on meds for anxiety allthough I take it everyday I don't always write it down. All my life I thought I had depression until about two months ago when I was diagnosised with bipolar disorder. I don't have any friends in real life. My family and I are on the outs. The only person I have is my Mom. We live together but we tend to argue a lot. I admit sometimes I start it but not always. She has mental problems too at 1st she was told she was paranoid schitzophrania and recently found out she was labled schitzoaffective. We are stuck at home a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone. That's why I came on here to just be able to talk about it without feeling judged by the world. To talk to people who can relate to someone who is like me sorta. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know why I feel this way and have since I was in my teens. Well anyway you can post something to me or you can talk about you if you want or your life or whatever. I guess that's all for now.
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Avatar universal
As for the anxiety I know it may be the reason. I'm not sure. I could have something else too. I don't know. And I don't mind that you posted it here. I'm just glad someone noticed my post. As for the meds I know it's not that because I've always been behind in maturity my whole life. Way before I started the meds. I know I was good in school so unless I'm ADD or have aspergers or something I don't kinow what else would fit. I haven't been tested for any of those things. I've read about bpd but not sure if I fit in the catagory. But it's still posible. By the way if I didn't want anyone to know my buisiness I wouldn't have posted that I don't have friends. I have had friends but only a few. When I was in school people didn't like me. They called me weird and stuff. Being made fun of caused me to be shy as a kid, I think but who knows could have been a mental problem even back then. When I was in 5th grade until high school started I was in counciling. It was a phycologist that was provided by the school so it stopped after that. She only said I was behind in maturity and may be depressed, but it wasn't until I saw my new phyciatrist 2 months ago just by one visit decided I was bipolar. I really do want to be able to take care of myself so if I have to be able to live on my own. Sometimes I admit I get mad at my Mom and wish I could move out. Most of the time I want to live with my Mom, but even if I wanted to move out I still don't have a choice. I can't take care of myself plus I have no money and won't have any probably never becuase of certain problems in my life that I'm not sure I want to talk about at this time but may in the future. Anyway my Mom wants to check out some places that maybe if we ever get transportation could teach me life skills. She thinks I couldn't learn from her because she is impatiant. I hope it works but I do have a lot of self doubt. I'll try it though. So I can only wait and see.
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Avatar universal
That's emotional development, right?
For me I kind of feel stuck at age 18.  Not sure about why that is or why then.  Maybe it was due to some life transition.  More likely it is due to anxiety and lack of integration.  My issues stem from very early childhood.
I did OK in school too but then faltered afterwards.  I expect on a deeper level it is due to anxiety.  The structure of school, etc provides quite a good container.
You could just have traits of an illness.  I pathologize too much though.  People suggest we should just look at our deficits as life symptoms.  As least this way our energy is focused on improving our health and well-being and making our life work for us.
I know what you mean about friends.  I also know you have friends here.  I consider most people I talk to at medhelp friends.
Maybe you were bullied because of others perspective of your mother.  That can be filtered through families.  It would also be easier to attack a defenseless child.
It's always difficult to pinpoint what came first.  For me, I would assume my mh issues were present from a very young age.  I think they would have affected my consequent behavior, etc.
If your mother was unwell perhaps you would be at increased risk of developing depression, etc.  My mother has severe head injuries and sometimes her behavior wears me down.  It can be enough to drive any sane person up the wall.
Either your doctor is very good or very, very bad.
Moving out can be a difficult decision.  I'm still stuck at home.  I think my mh issues also limit my ability to leave and make progress.  I expect moving out would be the best thing for me.  Home creates heaps and heaps of stress and doesn't offer the structure that I need.  The constant chaos here makes me feel extremely disorganized.
Organizations may be able to offer some service if you're unable to meet your own needs.  Finances can be a huge problem.  More complex than many people understand.  I feel many people oversimplify the ease of applying for jobs, etc.  That's just one thing out of a whole list of obstacles too.
You don't need to disclose anything you don't want too or don't feel comfortable sharing.  I sometimes (often) have problems with money.  I think because I am so restricted that puts heaps of pressure on me which then adversely affects my mh (so I binge eat or buy lottery tickets in the hope that I'll win).
Maybe if you're an impulsive spender that could be a symptom of bipolar.  ??
Your mother is probably right.  It could also be that she doesn't have the life skills herself.
The expert on the mh expert forum would probably recommend working on those self-doubts you have.  They affect us and and lives in multiple ways.
I'm sorry this has gotten so personal.  I hope it doesn't leave you feeling exposed or vulnerable.
If you have anything you'd like to ask me, feel free.  I've posted a lot about myself on other forums.
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Avatar universal
No I wanted to talk, so this personal stuff don't bother me. As for my other issues I'm just afraid someone will judge me. I know I feel kinda silly. I'm sure I'll feel up to discussing it in the near future. As for anxiety it could have a lot to do with why I didn't grow up. A doctor responded to my post and told me to ask myself why I'm afraid to do these things. What am I afraid would happen. And I've been pondering about it ever since. The only thing I can think of is maybe I'm afraid that I'm not able to grow up. That I'll fail at it. I don't know. Maybe some of it has to do with my childhood. It wasn't the best. I only had two friends and I felt alone when they weren't around. My Mom was suffering from severe depression most of my life. So maybe that has a lot to do with it. And I believe it was me they mostly thought was weird. Most of my classmates didn't know my Mom until after they made fun of me. But I do remember once in 2nd grade some boy called my Mom ugly. But other than that no one ever made fun of my Mom. In 6th grade was the worst for me. People were really mean then even before they met Mom so I know they ment me as the wierd person. Actually I feel like this is the best place to talk about personal issues. It's nice to get things out actually to people who may be able to relate and/or have their own issues. I did read some of the posts you made like you suggested. I guess we all have our own anxieties to overcome.


Also if you have ideas on new post topics feel free to post. Also we can always continue this discussion as well. That goes for anyone who has something to say.

By the way it's nice talking to you. I hope we chat more.
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Avatar universal
I've learned from personal experience that the biggest failure is not trying.
Children are young and naive though.  Many don't know any better.
I'm left wondering which ones you read but basically I'm a mess.  I have some significant issues.  Many of which are repetitive.  Do you ever get that?  Just going round and round without making any real progress.  Feeling frustrated with yourself because you're stuck or stuck again as the case may be.

It's nice talking to you too.  I don't know how ready I am to commit to another forum.  There are a lot of good ones available to choose from.  I come on quite regularly though so it should be OK.  I actually post to distract from my torturous life.
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Avatar universal
I know what you mean about getting frustrated with myself. I feel like I'm just chasing my tail if I had one. I feel like I'm living at a dead end. Can't get anywhere. I just feel trapped in the same mess never ending and won't go away. I am stressed out all the time. I get tired of things and don't really know how to change my life. I feel like there is no way out of the mess I call my life. I do get really mad at myself a lot. Sometimes I think I must be a bad person to end up with this type of life. Other time I just want to scream and yell. I guess failure scares me so much because of the way things always go. Everytime I try to do something with my life or to change things something happens. I always crash and burn. Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed. I know maybe I'm just being silly. It's just seems like only bad things happen to me and no good things. I know I'm a mess. So I get it. I come on here all the time. Clearly I have no life. I'm always viewing forums or checking up on things I post or something. So I'm on here alot unless I'm sleeping. Well I do other things too but lately I've been into the computure a lot. I know people are thinking this girl needs a life. And they are right. Unfortantly without a car there is nothing to do except be at home talking on the internet. So that's all I pretty much do. I know sad huh. That's my life. I usually read anxiety and bipolar forms. Also schizophrania. Oh I spend time on the autism form as well. Once in awhile sleep, but I'm only member to the anxiety and bipolar forms. But I still read.
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Avatar universal
Oh I also go to the other mental health rooms. I forgot to add that. You may here the words I forgot a lot. Cuz I'm very forgetful. I pretty much stay on mental and emotional health sites. If I forgot other sites then... augh! Can't remember. Also if they had a schizoaffective community I would probably be a member on that site.
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