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Emotional Shutdown

Well, i basically suffer form emotional Shutdowns, i grew up in a real hectic setting.  By the time i was 14 i had already lived with 10 different families been in 5 different schools, had been taken away from my parents in between each family.  Everyone i talk to about this simply says i need to realize it wasn't my fault, and accept it.  I knew from the start it wasn't my fault, when i was a kid i would find all the beer and drugs in the house and throw ti all away, i dont think thats my problem, i've come to accept most of what happened in my life, and taken as much as i can from it and learned a lot.  Being 21, most ppl take me for being30 years old in maturity.  What i can't do is open myself up to people, it scares the crap outta me, all i knew as a kid was that who ever i spoke to 1 day most likely wont be there the next, so getting attached was just a trap.  Now i can't get close to anyone, friends, family, potential lovers, i just completely shutdown, no thought, no feeling, i become blank.   The real me is locked in a cage, i have absolutely no thought when asked a question i don't think i just blurt w/e they want to hear, so they no longer talk to me.  I have gotten better over the years, i can joke around and be myself around ppl i really don't care about, but when it comes to ppl that i do, like my family, or potential friends/lovers, not even a thought can come to mind.  But when im by my self, or with ppl i dont care about i feel like i come out, and im screaming 'hey, im a good guy inside and i am willing to bet that we could get along GREAT'  I think of everything that we could do together, how much fun we could have, how much i admire certain ppl for certain things.

I think its just a Fear of Abandonment, or fear of being hurt again.  I just want to get rid of this Purgatory i sit in day in and day out around ppl that i want nothing more than to be myself around,  Is there anyway to overcome this self defense mechanism?
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Avatar universal
Welcome.

Yeah I know how you feel. I get that way too. i have really bad trust issues and its hard for me to open up to people. Its hard to get close. I think my reason is because some things that happened in my past as well that made me be scared of what people will do i and being hurt agian. Maybe past has a lot to do with it, Stuff like that can effect a person for life. The only thing I know is maybe to get theropy for it or something. Me I dont see one cuz I dont have insurance but Im sure I need one. I dont really know how to overcome it. I think its just I would have to decide if I should risk putting myself out there and see if they will stay and if they are a true friend or not. Still the fear makes it hard to overcome. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
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1530171 tn?1448129593
Hey Zeal14.
Welcome to the mental health chat.
I fully understand** what you are going through, however,  what you are looking for
in your life is a doable thing.
Chances are that alone it's harder to get it done, so you need some
help in the form of facilitation, as you still have the spark inside you.
It may also take some time.  After all what's the rush?
The entire life of ours is like this big school, where we learn lessons from
suffering, facing obstacles and moving on.
There are reasons, why your circumstances where such.
Everything that happens around has a reason. There's nothing random about
anything, like there's nothing random about being here and "talking' about it.

So, your Spirit wants you to open up and get closer to people, develop relationships,
have fun, enjoy life and yet, you have this protective shield around you that does not
allow you to take that chance. However, what Spirit desires is what Spirit gets.
Just need to get rid of some things from the past. Really, that is all.
By changing the past, you get rid of those things, and that completely reshapes your     present.

Should this sound a little too simplistic, it is not. It is as simple as You want to make it.
The biggest difficulty is usually making that first  step. And I think you've just done this.
Please consider to do the "dialogue with Illness" exercise (posted earlier here) and post it.
  This could  be the "kick off" of your Quest for _____. (I will let you fill out the blanc)

So please post again soon.
  **I truly understand or rather sense what you're feeling. It's not an intellectual thing.
    More on this another time.
    Blessings
   Nikodicreta



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