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Why my husband looses his erection during sex?
My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. He just turned 47 and I am 46. We have I guess to say not had the best sex life. In the beggining it was very nice. Then the kids started coming. We have 3 beautiful girls 26, 23 & 19. And we hardley ever had sex after they were born. We were apart for 2 years ending 7 months ago. You see my husband was transfered and we decided I would stayed back home to let our youngest graduate high school there. So we only saw each ohter on the weekends. When I would come here it was wonderful. We were all alone. The sex was great. Then I moved here and the sex was off and on. More off than on again. So I decided that I wanted us back. I Love my husband so much. And I know he loves me. The problem is he used to want sex all the time. He would raise to attention when I entered the bedroom. Well not any more. He does not seem interested even though we are alone. Now I have gained a few pounds. I am not saying I am obese but I do need to loose about 15 pounds. We both started going to a gym. He needs to loose a few also. I also caught him watching porn one evening. He said someone sent it to him and he don't just watch it. So now I have the feeling he is just not sexually arroused by my body anymore becasue I don't look like the girls in the porn. He says he is but when I get into bed naked and lay on top of him kissing his neck and nothing happens he just says he is tired, then I can't beleive he is. I am not real sure about myself most of the time. I don't usually take charge like that. We talked about that and he says he likes it but most of the times I did he was not interested. So what am I to think. It does nothing for my self confidence at all. So I told him if he wants sex then he needs to let me know. I find myself just thinking of him and getting excited. So what is the problem. I think he only has sex with me most of the time becasue he senses I want to. Why can't he stay hard while we are having sex? I could see if we stopped but that is not the case, we can be in the middle of it. And just to add I am not one to just lay there. I help. If I am giving him oral sex he is fine. And usually while he is giving me oral sex he is hard. But the last few times he is not. I mean if I start on him he does get hard. Then we start having sex and after a bit he just goes soft. He does not ejaculate then go soft just goes soft. And then there are a few times that he can't ejaculate. So what am I to think? I am a horrible wife. I can't even keep my husband interested during sex. Please help. Worriedwife
I had the same thing. It's one of the nasty things that happens with age. Tell him to ask his doctor for the daily dose of Cialis alone and if that doesn't fix it all by itself, add Cialis or Viagra 30 minutes before sex. I would take it and then start foreplay with my wife. By the time we were ready for intercourse my **** was too. As time went on, things got worse and my ED (erectile dysfunction) stopped responding to the medication. Good news though, I had a penile implant put in and it has been great for my sex life. I no longer have PE (premature ejaculation) and I can go all night (or longer) because I decide when to get hard and when to get soft.
Also ive thought about exploring in adventurous sex with others without my girlfriend. That may not solve it or anything but when a man can't achieve a erection to his spouse his mind can drift and think about other sexual fantasies.
Honey honestly it isn't him. I can't get my brain to connect with my penis with my girlfriend or my previous 2. Ive haven't been able to have full sex for over 12 years. Im almost 34 live outside Jacksonville fl. Im trying to find others living close to me so we can maybe help each other.
you just answered the reason he is watching porn too much. this causes ED. talk to him nicely and say what he is doing is extremely wrong and loses his erection during sex.
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Your husband is experiencing porn induced erectile dysfunction. He lost his sensitivity. He get addicted to watching porn that he loose his sensitivity.
Ruling out medical and psychological reasons, try few exercises. Learn abdominal breathing, Do it for 10 minutes twice a day and at any time of the day. Male deer exercises, kegel exercises, sat kriya are also good exercises. Recently some one has suggested Anal Peripheral prostate massage. This is a better exercise than kegel. Google all the phrases to know the details of the exercises.General health and cheerful mind also helps in sexual play.
There are many reasons, for Mens ED.
1.) Lack of libido in men,
2.) Physical health issues.
3.) Mental health.
4.) Porn ED and many more.,
To sought out, this type of issue, Talk to your partner about the issue. If he is suffering from any type of health issues then help him to heal out physically as well as mentally.
Mentally... Yes, mentally. because one's thought, body language etc., plays an important role in making sexual life more entertaining. Moreover, you can also try role play like things to bring back your entertainment in your sexual life.
One more thing, it is very essential that both partners should actively participate in sexual intercourse..
If there is any medical issue, you should also try levitra, cialis, valif like medicines to sustain erection during intercourse.
There are many reasons for men (and women) to experience erectile dysfunction.
The most important thing is not to make your partner feel guilty and not blame yourself if you are not able to reach the "ultimate goal" (climax).
The first step is communication if your partner is not touching your erogenous zones (the parts of the body that send you wild - can be any part of the body).
If there are health problems, use of medications, being anxious and worrying about money matters and other issues, tiredness, too much consumption of alcohol - all these can contribute to erectile dysfunction.
Men as well as women can get hormonal issues. If the problem persists and communication, sexual play with sufficient lubrication does not help, it is worth making an appointment and speaking to your doctor.
The most important thing is not to make your partner feel guilty and not blame yourself if you are not able to reach the "ultimate goal" (climax).
The first step is communication if your partner is not touching your erogenous zones (the parts of the body that send you wild - can be any part of the body).
If there are health problems, use of medications, being anxious and worrying about money matters and other issues, tiredness, too much consumption of alcohol - all these can contribute to erectile dysfunction.
Men as well as women can get hormonal issues. If the problem persists and communication, sexual play with sufficient lubrication does not help, it is worth making an appointment and speaking to your doctor.
Real dialog about this issue is that there is no magic one answer or solution. I believe that one has to really be clear about investigating as to what might be causing a man not to get erected in his relationship and stay there at a time when it's mostly needed. We could pop a pill and maybe make some girlfriend or wifee very happy and hope to maintain our dignity lol. But deep down inside men so much desire to get hard on our own without,meds or porn. When we get accused of erectile dysfunction because we are not titanium hard or maybe you didn't orgasm for the past few times it becomes a bit discouraging to us the next time around.
For us to loose our ability to get extremely erected, yes extremely I said, is like putting a muzzle on a killer junk yard dog.The wind could once breeze across our zipper and we could get hard. Now imagine your guy needing a tsunami to get up. The simple thought of thinking we must think to get up will make us go limb, that's the reality.
We men are visual creatures and I mean visual most of the time to the 10th power. What we think of is what gets us HARD. Men are conquers and we like new and ongoing adventures. As we get older we don't even know at times what adventure might get us off, lol,but we search to find out and we want to know. We want to know if it is ED or is it something we aint getting.
Example: Men can get bored being with the same person over a period of time. It doesn't mean that we love our women any less, or that you are not Super Sexy to us. It just means that we prefer, want and need a variety in sex and we need it sooner and often as we like. I know that sounds a bit selfish, but you asked. I know for a fact that every man desires more than one women and if you ask your guy that question he most likely will ask you why you ask such a question and hell no honey you know I love you.., only to spare your feelings cause we love and respect how you feel. Men want and need to please our women in the most profound of ways imaginable. To be king and ruler. To leave you shaking in the aftermath of what did he just do to me kind of spell.
Women sometime forget to let men chase you. You know, like you did when you first met us. To delay what you already decided you were gonna give us anyway, is a turn on. I not saying deny us, give to us when we wanted of course. We appreciate thinking we talked you out of it ,lol it helps our ego. Planned sex can sometimes be boring, its like a scripted porno, you know what to expect. Get naturally sexy, you know how, not over board unless you know that really turns him on. Almost not completely ignore the expectation of sex with him and go cook, clean, go to bed like that next to him if necessary and see what happens. If you go to work looking sexy it might bother us, so be aware, we might think you are cheating, but if you go to work sexy already then do sexy good,well enough to make us want you at high noon while we at work. Sometimes the thought of another man finding you sexually attractive can rage us, but sometimes it makes us aroused and we have to free ourselves of it and pound you out, if I can say that.
This can be a healthy way of re-affirming for men who's boss and great passionate outer space sex for the both of you. Its a good time for men who are verbal to vent and show you we still got it. To be verbal is to release frustration and stress which can cause men not to maintain an erection. If it turns him on that you act like you're to sexy and don't notice that he notices that you are mouth watering treat he will most likely seek you out.
Lastly, like I mentioned earlier, every man desires more than one women, the only thing that will prevent us from getting another is discipline, opportunity, guilt and or all of the above. It "does not" mean in many cases that our spouses are not Hot to us anymore. It means that men sometimes cheat ourselves of the adventure of outstanding sex opportunities. We live in a society that encourages us to be with one person for the rest of our lives, but the thought of this alone is a suppressive sexual depriving prison for many men sexually.
So if he wants another women in bed with him while he is having sex with you then by all means if it keeps him hard and going like an animal you might want to indulge in supporting him in imaging he is sexing you and his fantasy girl(s). I'm laughing cause I know what your where thinking I was going to say, but to each its owns and choose your level of fantasy and or -vs- reality
Depression, health issues, alcohol, drugs and stress all can play a big part in it as well, but I believe that the dysfunction starts mentally with men because many time we don't really get what we want sexually in a committed long term relationship.
If we watch porn we a criticized for it. If we ask you for a threesome we are scolded. I understand ladies love and need adventure as well but I am not a lady I am a man so I give you a peak at this point how men think and what we want. I don't know what he wants, but he does and you'll know if you have some real sincere discussion about it. Just be clear about sexual creativity as to whatever it will be or not be. At the least you'll be able to make a educated decision as to how to get his hard back in addition to some super bad a"" sex..
Thanks for your conversation and I hope that I said something that will help
Mr.H
Thanks for
For us to loose our ability to get extremely erected, yes extremely I said, is like putting a muzzle on a killer junk yard dog.The wind could once breeze across our zipper and we could get hard. Now imagine your guy needing a tsunami to get up. The simple thought of thinking we must think to get up will make us go limb, that's the reality.
We men are visual creatures and I mean visual most of the time to the 10th power. What we think of is what gets us HARD. Men are conquers and we like new and ongoing adventures. As we get older we don't even know at times what adventure might get us off, lol,but we search to find out and we want to know. We want to know if it is ED or is it something we aint getting.
Example: Men can get bored being with the same person over a period of time. It doesn't mean that we love our women any less, or that you are not Super Sexy to us. It just means that we prefer, want and need a variety in sex and we need it sooner and often as we like. I know that sounds a bit selfish, but you asked. I know for a fact that every man desires more than one women and if you ask your guy that question he most likely will ask you why you ask such a question and hell no honey you know I love you.., only to spare your feelings cause we love and respect how you feel. Men want and need to please our women in the most profound of ways imaginable. To be king and ruler. To leave you shaking in the aftermath of what did he just do to me kind of spell.
Women sometime forget to let men chase you. You know, like you did when you first met us. To delay what you already decided you were gonna give us anyway, is a turn on. I not saying deny us, give to us when we wanted of course. We appreciate thinking we talked you out of it ,lol it helps our ego. Planned sex can sometimes be boring, its like a scripted porno, you know what to expect. Get naturally sexy, you know how, not over board unless you know that really turns him on. Almost not completely ignore the expectation of sex with him and go cook, clean, go to bed like that next to him if necessary and see what happens. If you go to work looking sexy it might bother us, so be aware, we might think you are cheating, but if you go to work sexy already then do sexy good,well enough to make us want you at high noon while we at work. Sometimes the thought of another man finding you sexually attractive can rage us, but sometimes it makes us aroused and we have to free ourselves of it and pound you out, if I can say that.
This can be a healthy way of re-affirming for men who's boss and great passionate outer space sex for the both of you. Its a good time for men who are verbal to vent and show you we still got it. To be verbal is to release frustration and stress which can cause men not to maintain an erection. If it turns him on that you act like you're to sexy and don't notice that he notices that you are mouth watering treat he will most likely seek you out.
Lastly, like I mentioned earlier, every man desires more than one women, the only thing that will prevent us from getting another is discipline, opportunity, guilt and or all of the above. It "does not" mean in many cases that our spouses are not Hot to us anymore. It means that men sometimes cheat ourselves of the adventure of outstanding sex opportunities. We live in a society that encourages us to be with one person for the rest of our lives, but the thought of this alone is a suppressive sexual depriving prison for many men sexually.
So if he wants another women in bed with him while he is having sex with you then by all means if it keeps him hard and going like an animal you might want to indulge in supporting him in imaging he is sexing you and his fantasy girl(s). I'm laughing cause I know what your where thinking I was going to say, but to each its owns and choose your level of fantasy and or -vs- reality
Depression, health issues, alcohol, drugs and stress all can play a big part in it as well, but I believe that the dysfunction starts mentally with men because many time we don't really get what we want sexually in a committed long term relationship.
If we watch porn we a criticized for it. If we ask you for a threesome we are scolded. I understand ladies love and need adventure as well but I am not a lady I am a man so I give you a peak at this point how men think and what we want. I don't know what he wants, but he does and you'll know if you have some real sincere discussion about it. Just be clear about sexual creativity as to whatever it will be or not be. At the least you'll be able to make a educated decision as to how to get his hard back in addition to some super bad a"" sex..
Thanks for your conversation and I hope that I said something that will help
Mr.H
Thanks for
My name is angel.im a 47 year old woman.ive now been married to the same man for 28 years.hes fifty two.my kids are all grown up.im writing this post cause I'm heart broken.it seems like every time we are alone in bed.my husband rushes to have sex.or he cant hold an erection.he has an excuse for every thing.this morning I tryed climbing on top of him.well that was a disaster.his excuse was I don't think I'm in deep enough.or im getting a cramp in my leg.he makes me feel like im not good enough in bed.he rushes thru having sex.which doesn't please me at all.ive now gotten to the point where I don't care .i feel so hurt by what he's doing.hes even lost erection while I've performed oral.i really feel like I'm not good enough.or pretty enough.im not over wight I excercise every day .i do take care of my self.what should I do.i even started making him take a herbal sulpment called horny goat weed.thanks for listing
I am so sorry you are going through this sad situation that we find ourselves in. I don't have any answers for you. Maybe it is because he is afraid to hurt the baby. Maybe after your child is born he will change.
Please start a new thread of your own because this is a very old one and I don't think many people answer on here anymore. If you start your own you will get more advice and help. You are in my prayers.
Please start a new thread of your own because this is a very old one and I don't think many people answer on here anymore. If you start your own you will get more advice and help. You are in my prayers.
I read your original post. My husband and I have been together for almost two years. He is 43 and I am 33. In the beginning we couldn't get enough of each other. He was always wanting me. He used to always text me and call me through out the day. That has all stopped. I am almost nine months pregnant with our son. I know he watches porn it's on his company phone and on our laptop at home, yet seems completely uninterested in me. I know I'm about 20 lbs. heavier than we when we first met but that's only because I'm carrying his child. I'm 5'7" tall and weigh about 110 lbs. normally. I work a full time job and contribute equally to the relationship when it comes to finances. I love him so much but he can't see that its hurting me. I've also noticed that he has wondering eyes when we together out in public as well. I am so confused. Please help....
Littlelea79. I am sorry I have no answer for you. And this post is a very old one. You may want to read all the advice but also start your own post. That way you will get more attention. I don't know how much attention gets anymore.
Good luck.
Good luck.
I have a similar problem. I have only been married a couple of months and these last three weeks any thing i try with my husband he goes limp and can only get an erection when he masturbates which I am happy with him doing but just feel that our relationship is having big problems already. I have tried many different things and all that used to work and keep him erect like sucking and playing with him. We had this problem a year after we got together and then I found out he was cheating as he was seeing different women strangers from the internet which he finally admitted to but we got passed this and got married. I am so scared that it is happening again, I really believe that he isn't actually having sex with anyone but maybe sex texting or sex messaging and this is possible affecting our sex. I have tried talking to him but we always end up arguing and he gets really defensive. Please help, some advice would be great
If your husband is in the habit of watching porn, then we already have the answer to your problem! He masturbates, it's just that simple. After he does THAT, how can he have some left for you? I'm sorry for you, and i think you should talk to him and tell him that THAT is very disrespectful toward you, looking at other women right in front of you. At least hide!
It may very well be PIED. I have not idea. I have not seen where he has looked since our 2 future son-in-laws were in a very bad ATV accident on Good Friday. Something changed in him then. But that is not to say we have had any kind of intimacy in a little over 8 months. He does not excite me anymore. He has tried kinda a few times. But I know it is only because while I was with my kids in another state after the accident worried out of my mind that our youngest future son-in-law would not survive and our oldest would be paralyzed I lost 10 pounds. I don't see where it went from. But I told him and then he made a few moves for sex. Also he told me SEX not make love or intimacy. Just SEX. Did not work for me. I just brushed it off. Not doing that again. Not giving him sex just because he wants it. So if he is having sex with someone else it does not matter to me. As long as if he gets some disease that it is not transferred by other means than sex. I don't care. I never did not want to face it. It was always on my mind even though I did not know the name for it. Always thought he had sex with someone else but can't prove it. He says no but that don't mean I believe it. My heart can't take anymore. Literally. I had a scare after the accident and having to let one of my fur-babies go then another. So it is sad to say, if I care then I hurt. So I just don't care anymore. My heart has turned to stone. The only time it feels is when I am with my girls. They are the ONLY reason I am still here. Anyway I don't need sex or anything like that anymore. That is gone. Thanks to all who have tried to help. And I hope all the advise helps someone else with this problem. Please don't let my situation and results be yours, so everyone remember. This is my path to travel. You each have your own path. You can choose your path so don't choose this one. It is a hard, lonely, hurting path. God Bless you all.
Listen honey, I know you DONT want to hear it, but what your husband has and what you need to face that he has is called porn induced erectile dysfunction. You say he has erectile dysfunction, but we know that is not true because he can masturbate himself to orgasm just fine. A man with age related ed cannot masturbate himself any better than he can have sex with this partner. However a man with PIED (porn induced ed) can masturbate just fine, but has erectile dysfunction when trying to be with their partner. I can see that you don't want to believe this, but I am telling you the truth here. This is factual stuff, backed up by scientific studies, and it is a worldwide epidemic right now. There are 16 year old boys out there with pied now. Everybody has to stop sticking their heads in the sand and look at this for what it really is. The good news, this CAN be fixed. In order for him to be cured, you are going to have to get on board, he's going to have to get real honest. It's going to hurt, it's going to get tough. If you love each other enough, you have a chance to make it. If you let the relationship continue like it is, divorce will be in your future. Men who look at porn are 100 times more likely to have sex with a real woman outside of their marriage. Porn eventually leads to acting out and full out sex addiction. They may act out by meeting up with prostitutes. You may end up with a disease. The worst thing you can do is to keep denying what is going on here. If you don't believe me, install some spyware on his computer to see what he does.. Don't tell him, just install it and make sure it is one that records everything he does. You will have your answer really fast. It hurts, but you will need to confront him, and you will need to come up with a plan of action. There are tons of treatment options for this now. If he will go off porn and stay off porn for good, his erections will come back. Right now, his brain circuitry is all messed up. He is wired to have self sex, (masturbation) while getting hits of dopamine and other hormones and neurotransmitters. These are very powerful drugs to the brain, which is why porn addiction is now formally recognized as a drug addiction. Trust me, this goes way way deeper than you think. If you don't wise up, something worse will happen. This is the time to intervene. The time is now.
Boy I have been searching the internet and your story matches my very close I caught my husband masterbating after asking him for sex the night before. I was and still am beside myself but this does help A LITTLE. Just wondering if anything changed since your post? christine
It is common to lose erection hardness while changing position or giving oral. When doing either of these, make sure you are switching your attention back to enjoying the feelings in your penis.
Once a man has had one instance of losing his erection hardness, it can become something he becomes paranoid about. The more he thinks about it, the more frequently it occurs. If your husband is worried about his ability to perform sexually, he will avoid having sex with you.
Here is my story. I have been with my wife for 18 years now, 12 of them married. My wife is pretty attractive and I Iove her dearly. She is 38 now. About 7 years ago she had cancer and the medication she was taking put her in menopause, so she is dry almost all the time and we have to use lubricants that I hate. I have a high sex drive, unlike her. I keep begging for sex and she blows me off. Either tired, doesn't feel like it or whatever excuse she comes up with. We came to arrangement that we have sex 3 times a week. When I approach her she says, get it up and get inside me, finish and let me go to sleep. It feels like she's doing me a favor just to get me off her back. Her vagina isn't naturally wet and doesn't feel as nice. Sometime it hurts me during intercourse. I see the look on her face when we have sex, its like the last thing she wants but does it just for me. She keeps saying make it quick, *** and let me go to sleep. The minute I ***, she pushes me off her, jumps out of bed, goes to the bathroom , comes back to the room and says don't touch me now, you got what you wanted, let me go to sleep. She hates that I touch her breasts, butt and vagina. She says it doesn't make her aroused. On the other hand, touching her in those places makes me very horny. So I have to manipulate between don't touch here, don't touch there, trying to get aroused enough to be able to ***. Its just passionless sex. Purely mechanical. Recently she is complaining that I am erection is not as hard as I used to be, Sometime I am very hard, but shortly after I penetrate her, I get soft and she gets pissed and starts to ***** and insult me. She says come back tomorrow and leave me alone now, go to the doctor to get checked. She also says she not attracted to me anymore and doesn't get aroused by me since I am not hard as I used to be and that I need to lose weight( i could use losing weight, but I;m not obese or that fat) . She always goes to bed around 7:30, after the little kids are in bed. she sometime falls asleep at 8-8:30 and never waits for me (who goes to bed at 8 ?). She doesnt work, only takes care of the kids that go to school or day care. When i come to bed and touch her, she yells at me not to wake her up. I am at a point that when do manage to get her to sleep with me, I worry how to *** as soon as i can, so she doesnt start bitching. or insulting me. I am getting tired of it and thinking about separating. I need someone to show affection and desire, not do me a favor. I can do myself a favor watching porn or go to a hooker, and save the bitching and insulting. Your toughts would be appreciated.
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