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Avatar universal

inneedofhelp

Hi
I hope you make it home today and that the therapy is going well.
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Avatar universal
I will try that as well and see what happens. Maybe it will be better and different this time for you.
I get that exhaustion too i really want to do stuff but i barely had enough energy to tidy up this morning. I went to town for a while i had things i had to do.
I didn't get to sleep until 3am but thankfully no nightmares.
I had a panic attack about an hour ago now i'm even more exhausted, i usually don't take them randomly like that during the day, usually it happens when i am away from home or trying to sleep so they really scare me when they happen like that, i had to go outside to try and breathe i was holding my youngest and i was afraid i would pass out and drop him.
I know now i will be even more anxious all night now.
I will look that up and try to join, i hope you can join too.
I hope you had a good day.
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Avatar universal
I know how that is.  Avoiding bed and sleep due to anxiety, etc.

I too, feel exhausted.  Not sure why.  Mood, anxiety, another reason.  ??

Let's do it then.  I don't know if they will accept me because last time I joined I was quite unwell and had some issues with some of the people.  I will try and subscribe and see what happens.  It's free.

I just typed in yahoo health groups and typed in dbtclass.

If you're interested you could try it anyway.  You can unsubscribe at any time.
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Avatar universal
Its ok whatever you decide, let me know what you decide though. Committing to it might not be a bad thing it could only do good, not harm, but if you don't want to thats ok, don't feel that you have to.
I am still tired but then i guess i would be its almost 2am, i had nightmares last night i get scared my partner woke me up from them, he said i was breathing really fast thats how he knows i'm having a nightmare.
I need to go to bed. Take care
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Avatar universal
I'm just thinking about it.  The skills would probably help both of us.  I'm dragging my feet.  I so don't want to commit.
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Avatar universal
Yeah i would be interesting in joining the dbt class with you, if you feel you want to.
I am still really anxious about the outcome of this, if i do have some sort of disorder i wonder what my therapist will do will he pass me onto someone else, which makes me worry about the trauma work will he leave it unfinished. I guess i shouldn't think ahead of myself i need to wait and see.
Yeah someone inexperienced probably wouldn't help at all.
I'm glad my therapist doesn't tell all to my social worker, when he started the therapy he said it would remain between me and him, he knew i was upset that the police had accessed my personal notes before but there was nothing he could do he had to give them to them. The police seemed to be investigating me more than the person who attacked me, but all is quiet with them now i don't know whats happening.
A calmer day today i am glad, i'm too tired to feel anything else, i done some shopping even that was calming for a change.
Let me know about the dbt class i am interested. I hope you have a good day. Take care
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Avatar universal
He hasn't said.  I expect he's waiting for one of the specialists to return.  Talking to someone inexperienced although they are currently available may be worse for me.
The trouble is I'm not prepared or even in a position to shift now.

Which is a good thing.  Your T shouldn't be discussing everything with your SW.
I think there's probably already too much splitting in your treatment.

You too.  I have been thinking about taking my book out and revising some of the dbt skills.  I don't know whether I was wondering if you would be interested in joining that dbt class with me or what.  Not sure if I want to be doing that although I know some of the skills are useful -eventually.
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Avatar universal
U agree that the hospital has treated you badly, maybe you should make a complaint would it help, its hard to know what to do, has your gp heard anything more about the review, do you know why its taking so long? I know you mentioned before the specialist was away, is that still the case?
If you moved to another area, maybe that would speed things up, different doctors and hopefully more help available. Moving would be stressful too though, but maybe a new start would be good for you.
It took about 25 minutes to fill in the form, my social worker knew nothing about it but then my therapist doesn't tell her about our sessions.
Yeah i read it can pick up alot of stuff, but i found alot of the statements hard to answer i didn't know what to put, sometimes i don,t know what i feel. Anyway i guess i will know next week.
I'm very tired today, i went for two walks but it didn't help i was so tired.
At least i am calmer than i was last week. Take care
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Avatar universal
I didn't get a chance to look up the questionnaire.  I did write it in a search bar and see some of the results.  It sounds like it can pick up axis i disorders too (mood, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc).
It's not my intention to try and force a diagnosis on you and it may not even apply.
Suicidal and impulsive stuff can be both mood and/ or bpd.  Or probably a number of any other disorder.

No, not much.  Mum has sore eyes so I have been helping feed the animals.
I'm not doing anything constructive.  I am thinking about making a formal complaint against the hospital about how they have and are treating me.
I think I might commit to staying here for a bit and then look at moving.  My life just isn't working here.

At least your appointment is earlier next week.  I guess it would have been too time consuming to have marked everything off on the form during your session.  I hate it when T's take up my therapy time with questionnaires.
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Avatar universal
I left the form back today and i meet with him on Tuesday so maybe i will know more then. It was all statements and i had to say whether i thought they were true or false relating to how i think about myself, like one of them was, i like to flirt with the opposite sex, or i am fearful and inhibited person another one i find it easy to make and keep friends, i have no close friends apart from family, i feel very depressed and sad all the time, i have tried to commit suicide, thats just a few i had to write true of false beside them. Some of them weren't really relevant to me like i don't think i am superior to other people and i don't see things that aren't there.
I think the ptsd disorder comes from what happened about 8 months ago, then the intensive therapy brought up a lot of past issues. The suicidal part i don't get or the impulsiveness or the strange ideas. I don't know how i feel about all of this i will have to wait and see what he says, maybe it will be ok and he was just checking.
I was with my social worker today trying to put into words how i feel instead of saying ok she wants me to describe how i feel.
The gym is quite affordable here, i just went for a short walk today as its quite warm and i don't like walking when its warm, i'm still sore from the gym so i didn't go there, maybe tomorrow.
You are right feeling suicidal and driving reckless is extreme, i guess i don't understand how bpd works.
I am trying to focus on anything that will help me at the minute no matter what it is, i can't let things go as far as they did on Friday again.
I am feeling just like hiding these days.
Have you been doing much these days?
I need to try and not worry about this. Hope all is well with you.
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Avatar universal
I don't think it has to be extreme.  But isn't feeling suicidal and driving fast reckless and extreme?
I didn't think I had it either.  My relationships aren't unstable (because I don't have any).  I don't get angry, etc, etc.
I have learnt that the experience of having it is somewhat different to reading the dsm-iv.
Sometimes it just means being anxious, being depressed, feeling suicidal, feeling hurt or angry or upset.

It probably means that you, like most people, have traits of some of the disorders.
For example, people, besides those with bpd, get angry.  It is when something affects your ability to function that it becomes a problem.  There is a definition somewhere for personality disorder too.  I think to be diagnosed it has to be long standing and interfere with your functioning.

How you just described your mood.  That is one of the criteria for bpd.  Labile moods.

Good idea.  Allowing your body time to recover is probably a good idea.  I'm jealous of you going to the gym.  I wish I could afford to go and afford to buy new clothes to wear.

You're probably right.  If I were to write a list and to plan out my day.  I guess it would work better than just doing nothing.  Or watching TV that doesn't help me achieve anything much.  I should stop writing to people and sort out my own problems.

I saw my GP yesterday.  I guess I mentioned it briefly to others who have been messaging me.  You might be able to check out my notes, my comments might be there.  Notes?  Messages??  Not sure.
I got absolutely scrambled when I spoke to him yesterday.  Not sure why that was.  He had to attend a funeral in the morning so my appointment was changed to his last appointment of the day.  It was ... interesting.  I guess he was looking at different ways to address my problems.

Procrastinating on something rarely helps.  You should just fill it in or if you can't mark them and discuss them with your T.

I wonder what PD they think you could have?  Out of all of them I would think that bpd fits the best.  It will be interesting to see how this pans out.  I wonder where the ptsd fits into all this?  I know it can be secondary like mood, anxiety and ED's.
Maybe that is why some of our experiences seem similar.  I hope you don't have bpd.

I wish they had a copy of that questionnaire online.  It would be interesting to fill it out.
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Avatar universal
I did look up bpd and i although i agree i do have some of those traits, i don't feel that extreme do you know what i mean, but then again i could be wrong.
Its 175 questions and i have to fill in true or false about how i feel the question relates to me. I googled it because i wanted to know why and it said its a test used to assess for personailty disorders. The way i feel applies to alot of the different types of personaility disorder so i don't know what that means. I do remember you mentioning it to me before, i am afraid to fill it in, i don't know how to answer some of them.
If you google this its the name of the questionaire, Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory-III
if you look that up it tells you what its used for.
I was panicky all evening i blame it on the fact that he asked me to fill that out. I have my social worker tomorrow she wants to talk more about my relationship with my partner, the support worker i see from womans aid called them and said they needed to start taking me seriously. I am glad she agrees with me about my partner. My social worker told her that my partner was good to me and that i perceived his concern as abuse, its obvious they don't listen, i'm not stupid, stuff he says and does is wrong, anyway they are having a meeting about how they can help but i can't be there, i don't like that.
My moods are mad i'm like the weather.
I gave the gym a miss today but i hope to go back tomorrow.
A list sounds good then you know what you need to do.
Have you been seeing your GP lately?
I hope all is well with you, i need to go to bed but its 1am and i am anxious about the questionaire, i have to fill it in and take it to his office tomorrow. Take care
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Avatar universal
Oh dear.  I guess like everything exercise is good in moderation.  Just remember like with most other things you need to start out slowly.  Pulling all your muscles in the first week won't help much, or be very pleasant.
Having a list is good.  Talking does help.  That is what has made the biggest difference for me.  My next step is to act on some of the things I need to do.

What is the questionnaire.  I would be interested in looking at that.
Just been honest when filling out the questionnaire.  Tick the box that you feel is most appropriate.  If it's one of those.  Most of the psych ones I have done are about circling numbers or letters or ticking boxes.

I would be feeling stressed and anxious too.  I expect he may have given it to you because he suspects something else and maybe he didn't want to worry you or cause you to answer it differently to what you would.

I have already suggested to you that I feel that you could have bpd (or complex-ptsd).
Have you tried looking up the dsm-iv for bpd?

I think that you don't like to be alone.  That fits abandonment issues.
I think that you are impulsive.  You have said that you feel suicidal.  I think your mood changes.  You feel OK for a bit, then feel down again.  To me the bpd stuff seems to fit.
It can't be diagnosed though if your symptoms are better accounted for by another disorder or is caused by a medical condition, etc.
Have a look and see what you think.  This is going to be hard for you.
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Avatar universal
I have just googled the questionaire he gave me and its to assess for a personaility disorder, he never told me that he just asked me to fill it out, i don't know what to think now i don't know what he is thinking about me, i don't even know how to answer some of the questions because i have thought too much about them beforehand. I wonder does he think thats what he's missing. I'm feeling very anxious about it all now.
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Avatar universal
I have just come home from therapy and he always manages to upset me, the trauma work is on hold, i have questionaire's to fill out, he still feel's like he is missing something, he said being impulsive isn't a symptom of depression, and because my partner told him i was driving very fast on Friday he is concerned at my risk taking behaviour. I'm as confused as he is. I had no intention of hurting other people but he said i could have killed someone else, i was angry at him i wasn't anywhere near anyone else. They still justify my partners behaviour by saying he was angry.
I tried the exercise yesterday and i hope to walk more today i went to the gym yesterday and i over done it and my body aches today.
I don't tell my partner how i feel because he gets angry.
I am trying to keep everything calm and i think i have realised there isn't much anyone can do to help, i can talk to them but thats all. I am to call anyone i can get when i feel my worst, i have a list of numbers to call.
I am going to look at that website so thanks for that, i need to try all i can.
I am waiting on a call from the support worker at woman's aid today she was angry that my therapist didn't call the police on my partner, so she was going to call him to talk to him about it.
I'm feeling slightly better today just hope it stays a while.
I hope all is well with. Take care
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Avatar universal
It's hard to comment on what helped me when I'm not in that situation at the moment.
I'm not sure anything helped but getting through each moment there was eventually a break in the storm.  Stuff that did help.  My GP validating my feelings.  Exercise, getting adequate sleep, dealing with any physical issues that arose, a healthy diet, etc.  Just real basic stuff to start with.  When I started to feel better I did more.
Taking the car with you to the gym sounds like a reasonable thing.  And they would let him keep the kids when he is violent?  If you're stable they should stay with you.
Your partner should respect your privacy.  But then shouldn't you also be telling him how you feel?  ??

Sometimes things can take a while to settle after something stressful has happened.  Do more of what helps and less of what doesn't.  Don't make your situation worse no matter what you do.

Can I recommend a yahoo health group you might like to check out.
The skills are for bpd but they can also be used for people who self-harm, etc.  They're just basic life skills that anyone can use.  They might help.
it's dbtclass and that is at yahoohealthgroups.com.  I can't write it all together or it won't come through.  I don't think this place accepts e-mail addresses.
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Avatar universal
I know its torture and i am struggling, but i also don't think anyone knows how to help. I rang my therapist today i feel like i am losing control i told him that and he said i just need to let it pass, doesn't he listen. I wanted to go the gym but my partner won't let me, he wants to drop  me of but i panic and i need the car there to leave when i want. He said if i leave him he will take my children because no one would let me keep them when i have been suicidal and in hospital, he is really stressing me out. I understand he is worried but controlling me is not the answer he is making me so angry and anger is not good for me.
What worked for you at your worst times? I feel everything just gets worse my therapist said its a delayed reaction to the therapy. Did i tell you i write a diary when i am feeling suicidal, well my partner read it, that didn't help.
I need to regain control of this situation, but i don't know how.
I am trying to listen to them but i don't feel they are helping, maybe its my fault i'm not doing enough.
I need some sort of relief from this.
I hope all is well with you.
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Avatar universal
I'm OK.
Ask for respite or to be hospitalized then.  If you can't cope then go there and get the support.  Don't keep doing this to yourself.  It's torture and it's not worth it.  I've been there.  It is best just to accept you need help and allow it to happen.  Stop fighting everybody all the time.  Work with them.  You don't have to be afraid of them.  It doesn't sound like they're going to do anything drastic to you.
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Avatar universal
You are probably right but i am home now and is till don't feel good, my social worker was going to admit me to hospital today but i panicked and told her i would be ok, i wouldn't commit to her safety plan so she was going to admit me but i got scared.
My partner is still angry and my therapist basically agreed with him saying he had every right to be angry, maybe so but not to that extreme.
I hope all is well with you. I have therapy again on Wednesday and i feel bad for stressing my therapist again but i am glad he was there otherwise i don't know what would have happened, my partner did not help at all.
I wish someone could help more instead of leaving it to me all the time, i know its mostly up to me but can't they see i can't cope anymore. I actually liked being away from home.
How are things with you?
Take care
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Avatar universal
I'm fine.  Your partner could get into big trouble for doing that even if it was only intended to shock you.  It was a very dumb thing for him to do and say.
I think you should be in hospital.  I think that your partner should be in therapy and anger management, if not jail.  I think your children should probably be in care (maybe even with your parents on a short-term basis).
I don't think what any or you is currently doing is working.

Not that my life's working for me either.

I hope respite goes well.  I hope they do hospitalize you (I think -not sure).  I wish life were easy to reform.

Take care and best wishes.
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Avatar universal
I am back in that place i stayed only i am in as an alternative to hospital, i wanted to kill myself yesterday and my partner found me he was supposed to call the police but he didn't, i rang my therapist and social worker and they were busy so i just left, my therapist rang looking for me and told my partner to ring the police. Anyway long story short, my partner tried to kill me he drove into me and put me of the road then he threatened to kill me and then he drove really fast saying he was going to kill both of us.
My therapist was going to admit me to hospital against my will, but then he said i could go to the other place, if they hadn't had a bed i would have had to go to hospital, not good but the staff have been very nice and i have come home for while to shower and get clothes and see my children. My partner is so angry at me.
How are you? I have to stay there until Monday then my therapist will decide what to do next. I hope all is well with you. Take care
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Avatar universal
Things do improve then you can feel like you have gone backwards and then you move forward again.  Sometimes progress is slow, sometimes it is faster.
It's just like weight lose sometimes.  You lose weight, you plateau, you can even put on weight.  It's all part of the process.
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Avatar universal
I am so going mad, my mood had dropped again, now i am struggling i feel i need to get away, i thought ok i had a few good days i am improving moving forward but no, obviously not. I am thinking of getting in the car and going but i don't know, i need to be sure because if it doesn't go right i have to come back to this.
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Avatar universal
You too.  I'm glad therapy went OK.
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Avatar universal
Yeah i was up until 3am i was so anxious. Therapy went ok i was alot more open and told him things i never have about certain thoughts i have. I also told him i keep a diary when i am feeling suicidal he asked could he see it, i don't know its very personal and it says some stuff about him. I got my certificate tonight for the course i was doing and i passed it, i felt sad saying goodbye to everyone. I am very anxious and panicky today which disappoints me, when my mood lifts then i panic more, one is as bad as the other. I walked today again and it was warm which wasn't good but i enjoyed it anyway.
I am glad the medication is working and i hope you feel alot better soon. Have a good day. Take care
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