part of my life

[narla]

For the first time in 40 yrs I have finally told my whole story to my doctor my counsellor my daughter and my husband,My doctor and counsellor both explained that the things I did as I grew up were due to the warped introduction I had to sex,When my abuser,(my brother who was 10 years older than me and his friend sexually abused me from the ages of 7 to 10)left home, I tried to have a sexual relationship with my other 2 brothers both older than me,they wouldn't they said brothers and sisters don't do that.I felt hurt because I didn't understand,I felt rejected,at age 12 the worst year of my life I actually touched a much younger boy inappropriately I was babysitting he was upset I thought it would comfort him,after I realised how wrong it was and I thought I was becoming just like my brother who abused me I tried to commit suicide,By the time I was 14 I was drinking heavily I met a woman who was 28 I used to babysit for her (and no I never touched another child again)She introduced me to many men aged between 25 and 55 they all had sex with me including her,often more than one at a time, it was concensual and I felt loved and I was getting attention again.This went on for approx 2 yrs,My therapist believes she was probably getting paid by these men to have sex with me,so at 14 I was a prostitute.Then I met my husband at 16 of course I was going to have sex with him the first time we went out,but he wouldn't,he wanted to get to know me as a person not just someone to have sex with,He said he wanted to love me before we took it to that level.Yes we're still married 30 yrs this year.Partly because of the abuse I became a heavy drinker at 14 was an alcoholic probably the whole time,and I became addicted to codeine by age 26.In the end I was drinking 3 to 4 x 1 litre bottles of bacardi per week and taking 18 to 24 x 10 mg codeine per day.I was sent a post that really pissed me off, they said there's nothing wrong having sex with your siblings that it's only society's attitudes that make us think it's wrong.I am dealing with everything at once,the abuse,the alcohol and the codeine 307days clean.

Denise

[narla]

Talking about what happened makes it easier to deal with,I have had intensive counselling over the last 12 months and I have finally learnt how to keep everything in perspective,I don't judge myself anymore,I used to hate the 7 year old and the 14 year old,and I hated who I had become as an adult,now I realise just how brave that child was and how brave I am as an adult to be able to share my story and maybe if it can help just one other person get the help they need to heal it is worth sharing..I am now 400 days clean and sober and loving life to the full.

Denise

[snookers]

Congrats on the 307 days clean!! and I am really sorry that happened to you, does it feel better to have it out and open with everyone?