I'm happy that you got out and felt better. I empathize with your last post. I am super healthy and in my 50's. I was a lifeguard into my forties. I take supplements and vitamins. I walk almost daily. I work a full-time job and I'm the go-to person in my family. It was hard to believe that I just could not "fix" myself. I was taking the Klonopin, but struggling with myself over submitting to a med. Finally I just said I'm tired and I want my life back. I kinda feel like we've walked the same path. Don't be ashamed that you need a med to help you. It's great if there are other things that help, but as a last resort you have to do what's right for you! Good luck and continue with your progress. Let us know how you do.
I am probaly one of the heathiest people around: I swim around 5 times a week with 4000m workouts, do a lot of cycling/mountain biking, I eat healthy natural foods, a lot of fruit, veggies, no sugar, am lean, don't smoke etc. There is not much I can do to increase my health. I haven't even had a cold in years. I also have been going to CBT for a year.
In other words, if I still get severe anxiety, I just need some medication. What elese should I do?
To all: Thank you all for your sincere answers and advice. I just reinstated the Klonopin yesterday and today I was in town all day, not feeling agoraphobic at all. I still need time to feel totally stabilized but compared to Sunday when I couldn't even walk to the supermarket and today when I was walking around in town all day...what a difference!!! I almost feel like my old self.
I wish you the very best. I spent quite awhile taking supplements, exercising etc. I did everything I could to keep my mind busy and off the anxiety I felt. One day I realized my life was passing me by while I struggled to make it through the day without a full-blown panic attack. I finally made the decision to take the Klonopin and quit feeling guilty and weak because I couldn't fight my own battle. Sometimes it just takes a little help.
The phrase "if it isn't broke, don't fix it" came to my mind a lot. Basically I'm in this situation because several doctors and therapists screwed up:/
This morning I decided to take my first dose of Klonopin again. I started out with a small dose of .25mg. Although I feel a bit more relief I still feel anxious. I went to the shop before and have the impression I feel less agoraphobic than yesterday I still felt really tense and slightly panicky. I guess it will take a while to get back my stability. The last few weeks were quite intense.
The phrase "If it's not broke, don't fix it" comes to mind when reading your history. Making the decision to take a med like Klonopin long term certainly isn't an easy one, as it comes with some downsides, however sometimes the benefits much outweigh the risks, and it's pretty obvious to me that your situation is one of those. Your anxiety was well controlled (almost non-existent) while on the Klonopin, and you did well on a low maintenence dose without a lot of tolerance issues. You were mindful of the dose, and you made it work for you.
I feel for all of those people that had bad experiences with these kinds of meds, but I also think that those who fall into the category of extremist opinions as a result of these experiences make it much more difficult for those who need it and do well on it to obtain the med, often having to fight doctors for it, as was your case.
A perfect example are the "anti-benzo" sites out there. It's great to share a personal experience, but in presenting the info in a "fear mongering" manner, all it does is needlessly frighten people from making their own determination about something that may be a life saver for them. Most of these people's intentions are good, as they don't want to see others suffer, but as a result, they make broad generalizations without considering that not everyone will have the same experience. That's why I like this site. We all feel strongly about different things, but the vast majority of posters are respectful of the opposing viewpoint and are mindful to present their info in a way that doesn't scare the crap out of the readers.
I truly think you should pursue restarting the Klonopin. If you're met with resistance from your doctor, I would print this thread and show it to him/her. You're an intelligent, reasonable person...and you understand the pros and cons of the long term use of a medication like Klonopin.
Keep us in the loop, and I wish you the best!
Thanks for your thorough post.
When I started my tapering I was on .5mg in the morning and .25mg in the evening. I dropped a quarter tablet(.125mg) every 3-4 weeks which is quite slow I guess. I first reduced my morning dose to .375mg, then after 3-4 weeks my evening dose to .125mg and so on. My last dose was .125mg in the morning. So it took roughly 6 months. I didn't get any additional medication for upcoming symptoms.
When I dropped the Klonopin and realized I got more anxious I basically went swimming everyday and cycled into town for distraction. It was hard to get distracted because I kept on thinking about all the horror stories I read. After about 2 weeks I noticed it was difficult to swim because I felt more and more panicky. While on my bike I noticed the same anxious feeling. Day by day I felt more agoraphobic.
I assume that all the stories like: "it takes months or even years to recover" are the reason my condition is getting worse. It totally knocked down my stability.
I definitely think I have to get back on the Klonopin because I can't risk getting worse and worse.
Any time you are off Klonopin or other benzos for a month or so, your tolerance lowers. You probably will need a little less if you start taking it again. I have withdrawn from Klonopin and it was not enjoyable, but certainly not a horror story either. When my Anxiety returned, I didn't hesitate to start taking it again. I was taking 1 mg two times a day when I stopped. I now take 1/2 mg. two times a day with equal results. Being off for awhile was beneficial. I would never struggle when I know there is help for me that is very efficient and in most cases safe for long-term use. Your Doctor should be working WITH you. You know what's best for you and how you really feel.
If you go to the "anti-benzo" sites, then all you're going to hear are the horror stories, the terrifying bad experiences, the "life and death" stuggles to get off the meds, the permanent psychological damage they've caused and one ruined life after another.
Every medication in the known universe has pros and cons and that certainly applies to the benzos. But as with any medication, one must weigh those pro and cons before starting them. Virtually all benzos and antidepressants need to be tapered. If the taper is done wrong, it can be very uncomfortable. Even when its done correctly, you don't get off scott free. There is going to be discomfort either way, it's a matter of degrees.
As we say on this forum, over and over, is that everybody reacts to meds differently. And everybodies taper is different as well. Some have literally no problems while others struggle for weeks, sometimes months...........and there are the rest of us who fall somewhere inbetween those two extremes.
There are hundreds of posts on this forum that relate to peoples experience getting off Klonopin and other benzos. Many of them are negative but bear in mind that those who had little or no trouble usually don't write to the Anxiety Forum, so we have to assume that there are at least as many, if not more, positives than negatives.
(Perhaps the math there is a bit skewed, but I got an F- on a high school algebra test, so feel free to fiddle with the numbers)
What do I feel about the so-called w/d symptoms everybody is having on those sites........
Hmmmmmmm. I think a lot of them probably ARE having a very rough time. The question is why? I also think people are exaggerating, to one extent or another, just how bad it really is. Sometimes I think there's an element of competion to see just who is suffering more. And my own nasty and rather uncompassionate feeling is that they knew going in that they would have to taper/withdraw when the time came, so they should just put on thier big boy and girl underpants and deal with it. I've done it more than once myself and it ***** without a doubt. But if you've got a good doctor walking you through it, they can make a great deal more bearable.
You say you didn't have any problems tapering until you began reading all the negative C*R*A*P, so that should tell you how powerful our minds are. If all those folks were having such a hard time, then you should be, too, right?
I do have a question. When you state "after DROPPING the Klonopin, that made me pretty anxious but I wasn't agoraphobic yet, but two weeks later it is a stuggle to go to the store and with every step I feel like I'm having a heart attack."
I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. When you say you tapered off the Klonopin, how much were you taking and how long did you taper? When you were officially done with your taper, did your doctor perscribe a "rescue" med like Xanax or Valium or Ativan to take on a PRN (as needed) basis if you began to fall into a panic attack? Or were you left empty handed to just wing it?
Since your anxiety seems to be increasing, and not only increasing but morphing into agoraphobia, that you're now having quite a bit of heart anxiety, in my humble and totally non-medical opinion, I think you should get back on the Klonopin, get back with a therapist you like and who knows what they hell they're doing and go from there. If that means staying on the Klonopin for awhile longer and working on your issues in therapy or just getting yourself "settled down" enough to try another taper, but this time maybe do it differently. Personally I don't think you were ready to totally stop the medication, at least, not without a back-up med.
Do I think this is mainly psychological and related to your anxiety? Maybe. Possible. More than likely. I just don't know for sure.
Is some of it related to withdrawal? Maybe. Possible. Depending on your w/d, likely. I just don't know for sure.
Or, as the benzo forums have told you, it's related to the chemicals. Maybe. Possible. Very highly debated theory. I just don't know for sure.
So there is my final answer.
Tell me what YOU want to do.
Peace
Greenlydia
My therapist himself doesn't prescribe drugs because he isn't a psychiatrist. He only does therapy. The doctor I go to now would actually keeps on prescribing it. It was a different doctor I went to before who suggested to taper off. The doctor I have now is more neutral. She said I can try to taper off but if it doesn't work I could reinstate.
What irritated me were all these conflicting opinions on anti-benzo forums which is why I hesitated to reinstate. That's why I asked here.
What do you think about the so-called withdrawal symptoms everybody is having on those sites? In my case, I didn't have any withdrawals during tapering. Only at the end of my tapering, when I started reading the stories on the internet, is when my "symptoms" started.
Oddly the first two weeks after dropping Klonopin made me pretty anxious but I wasn't agoraphobic yet. Now two weeks later it is even a struggle to go to the supermarket. I feel like I'm getting a heart attack with every step(I know it is based on anxiety). Do you think this is mainly psychological and related to my anxiety or is some of it related to withdrawal or as the benzo-forums tell you, it's related to the chemical?
There was absolutely no reason for you to be told to w/d from the Klonopin. The only reasons that may have been prudent are the ones you mentioned..........if you were having tolerence withdrawal symptoms or frequently having to up the dose. But neither of those were happening and your anxiety was well controlled. You were given very bad medical advice. Period.
Because I don't want to ruffle more feathers than I usually do around here, I will refrain from my usual dissertation on Heather Ashton. But if the terms "eye of newt, wing of bat," and a big black cauldron bring any visuals to mind...................
If you are in a large German city, call the American Consulate and have them refer you to an American therapist. I'm sure there are German therapist who would perscribe Klonopin for you, but you may have found the one bonehead in-country. Or, God forbid, they're ALL like thinkers!
Wishing you the best
Peace
Greenlydia
Thanks for your replies.
What annoys me is that I was doing fine, never had the need to up the dose nor did I experience any negative effects. Why do people think they need you off the medicine if it works for you? If I were experiencing withdrawal or would keep upping my dose I would understand it.
The so-called window when you can reinstate is mentioned on various anti-benzo forums. Heather Ashton who some consider as the "expert" of benzo withdrawal also says it difficult to get back on benzos after you've been off for more than 4 weeks. You have all of these long-.term sufferers on these sites who seem to be going through months of torture and the only advice they get is "hang in there. Your brain is healing". If someone wants to reinstate, they are told not to because it will only make things worse and pospone the healing process:/
That doesn't really give you any confidence.
I agree with lydia 100%!!! What a load of bull some are giving you! Try to find a doc who is on board with the Klonopin and seek out some therapy as well, to help with coping techniques.
There is no "window" whereas Klonpoin should or shouldn't be restarted...another bunch of you know what.
There are people who are on Klonopin long-term and do wonderfully on it.
It's not like you haven't tried other methods...you've minimized the dose of the med and everything.
Please let us know what you find out...hang in there.
First thing I think you should do is run away from the moronic therapist you have who tells you to "just learn to cope." What a freaking CROCK!
Find a therapist who actually lives in THIS century.
You can go back on the Klonopin at any time. The fact that it was so effective for you in the past indicates that it will more than likely be highly effective again. And the doctor who told you that you can take Klonopin for life at least had HIS facts straight.
If I were you, I'd find a new therapist, get back on the Klonopin and work on figuring out why I had anxiety to begin with. The meds are great and allow us to lead "normal" lives, but they only mask the symptoms, they don't cure the problem.
I wish you the best
Peace
Greenlydia
Sorry, I don't know how to edit your post. The final question of my previous post was supposed to be:
does anyone know if that's true or is Klonopin ineffective after you've been off for more than a month?