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Avatar universal

At what age is too old for a daughter to kiss her dad on the lips?

I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His daughter is almost 17 years old. She cuddles with him on the couch, kissing on his shoulder, kissing on his arms, rubbing on his stomach. She was lying on the couch with him, she had her head on his lap and he was rubbing her back. She laid there for hours that day. She kisses him on the lips before she goes to bed at night. She runs around the house in her bra and underwear all time. She is even now starting to run upstairs naked while her dad sits on the couch and can clearly see her running upstairs. She says "Daddy" dont look im naked. And yes she still calls him "Daddy", and talks like a baby around him. It drives me crazy when she does this. I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her. I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now. I raised one daughter of my own and I have never ever saw anything like this. My bf says it is normal for a daughter to kiss and rub all over her "daddy", I told him no its not normal for a daughter at her age to do this. She even came into his bedroom not too long ago and crawled in bed with us. Laying her head on her daddy's shoulder, then she started kissing it. I got up and left the bedroom. I refuse to sit there while this is going on. I cant take it. It freaks me out.  
55 Responses
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Avatar universal
The man is grooming his daughter so that he can molest her. It's Obvious! The gf is selfish to look the other way. This should be addressed and if not dealt with reported to the proper authorities.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
All the others giving opinions seem to be more comfortable with it that you and I. I'd never kiss my father on the mouth. Some people do and it doesn't bother me too much. I just wonder, would they be equally accepting and comfortable with a 17 year old son kissing his dad on the mouth.
I wouldn't stay in a relationship that constantly creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, this is an old post.  if you have a question that you would like the forum to respond to, please go to the above "post a question" link and ask your own question.  good luck
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Avatar universal
The daughter is being overtly sexual with her father.  This is NOT healthy in a sexually developed girl.  The father needs to draw boundaries as lines of appropriateness are clearly being crossed, which goes beyond the child calling him daddy.  She is experimenting with her sexuality on her father.  This is INAPPROPRIATE.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
**  the reason why community leaders often point out when a post is old is because if someone has an issue that they would like post about that pertains to them, they will get more responses if they start their own thread.  Also, people often don't look at the date and begin writing to the poster who has been long gone and they don't even realize it.  And when older, more controversial threads get pulled up, it can disrupt the flow of 'real time' posts that people would like addressed on the forum.  That is the basis for pointing out when a thread is older.  Med Help even has an hourglass symbol to denote that but it is often overlooked.

so, pointing out that a thread is older has some purpose behind it.  Thanks for asking!
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
THIS IS AN OLD POST.  AN OLD POST.  OLD POST OLD POST.  

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Avatar universal
Ok people so she stated there is nothing sexual going on soooo moving on.To me I think it is normal for them to kiss on the lips.just a QUICK PECK.but to me the rubbing and all that is not normal.she's 17,she knows somewhat about sex and I'm pretty sure she gets "feelings" not saying she gets "feelings"with her dad but I just think the rubbing and running around naked ABSOLUTELY needs to be stopped.as well as sleeping with y'all.obviously DADDY does not mind so either you will have to deal witg it OR MOVE ON.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  this is a very old post.  If anyone has a question, please start your own post by going to the top and hitting 'ask a question."  thank you
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow. I wonder where the majority of these comments are coming from. I imagine a peck here there on the fathers lips are not suspect, it didn't occur in my family but I've seen it. There isn't anything wrong with calling your father daddy but what's very concerning is how comfortable they are cuddling together, I mean cuddling with your daughter at 17 is quite weird and her kissing his shoulder and hugging up on him is weird too. Some daughters become in love with their dads in inappropriate ways if the relationship is not checked and boundaries not set, this seems like one that either has or easily can. What's alarming to me though is the amount of people on this thread who only mildly surprised if not all by this behavior.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is an old post.  There all sorts of ways that households are run with some being more casual regarding nudity and affection.  Each family must find the balance for themselves and it would be hard as a new partner to walk into a situation that is the norm for that particular family.  I would talk to the father and see if new boundaries can be set up.  And if anyone suspects that there is child molestation going on, they should call the authorities.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh my goodness. Are you serious she walks around in her bra and underwear in the house naked and kisses her dad on the lips???? That is just gross and nasty. She is seventeen, grow up!!! If the dad doesn't tel her to stop then he must like it. I think the seventeen year old girl must like it too. That is so gross, like human cruelty or something. Call child service, put them in therapy, something!!!! Where is the real mother of this girl. She sleeps next to her "daddy" too, grosser!!! Who knows what she does with her daddy when your not around???!!!?? Leave him, save yourself!!
Helpful - 0
1145691 tn?1291478338
Dear OP
Your stepdaughter is trying to compete with you for your husbands attention. She is taking it a bit too far by running around in the nude.. Maybe have a talk with your husband about the nudity saying it makes you uncomfortable. Honestly I don't think he would be willing to say anything about the cuddling and kissing because he'd be afraid to push her away.
My step daughter did the same thing at that age, although not nearly to that extreme. She toned down once she got a boyfriend,
And now that she's moved out, I finally get the attention lol.
Helpful - 0
4998981 tn?1362108584
I TOTALLY agree........... this is not normal and discusting! That girl should have been giving limitations and bounderies years ago. I hope she was given the life skills to be self reliant and no longer a gaga baby and is able to moves out one day!  I have a step daughter just like this, but thank God moved out or we would not still be married! Granted she lives off the governement has nothing to do with being treated like a "princess" her whole life!HA! She has her own baby boy now and is still looking for that man who reminds her of her "daddy". Tell me this is normal......please
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Avatar universal
no..this is NOT healthy behavior...PERIOD! why should a teenage girl continue straddling dad and caressing him and kissing his limbs laying for hours with him practically nude, if a teenage boy wouldn't ever do that with his dad?! I can pretty much guarantee that NO father would allow his son to behave in such a manner..and any father that is NOT a deviant wouldn't allow his daughter to behave that way, either! Think about it, people!
Helpful - 0
1699742 tn?1413764342
I dont know...i come from a life of being casted out by my parents. I was never close with either one of them when i was a child, but that was only because they were divorced and both liked to use me as a weapon against the other. But i HAVE seen normal families.
I honestly dont think this is okay..especially when the girl is 17 and crawling into bed with her dad and her father's girlfriend...thats just rude. Its okay if its during the day but i think nighttime between couples is sacred and personal time, she's not exactly being respectful towards the privacy.
Its just my opinion
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh.  Please let us not turn this into a debate about what is 'normal' in a home.  Some families are indeed more casual about nudity than others.  

If anyone feels that their partner is inappropriate with their child of any age, I encourage you to try to communicate with them, reach a compromise, and do what is in the best interest of the child.  If someone feels that a parent is being sexual with their child, please contact the authorities.  good luck to all
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Avatar universal
Does you daughter KNOW you watch her naked body walk from her bedroom to the bathroom?

At what point in her life will you think this is NOT okay?  Do you think a boyfriend or a husband would have a problem with this?

I agree. It's just not the norm. I, also, wonder about your daughter's development in this area.  I've known many, many girls and women and I don't know ONE who felt free to walk around their house or hallway naked in front of their fathers.

I would be mortified if my daughter behaved this way and her Dad would, as well.
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
I agree with 4547624, I feel like the daughter may have some issues with you.  It sounds like you both are competing for this man's attention.  Whether or not the daughter's behavior is inappropriate, it is up to your bf to change the situation.  It sounds to me though that he is fine with how it is.  I am a stepmom to a teenager and she used to hug and kiss her dad all the time.  Although the naked thing is a bit odd.  But if they are that type of family then whose to say if its normal or not for them.  My personal opinion though, the daughter wants his love and affection and does things to get his attention.  She may think that you will take him away from her.  I'm looking at this psychologically of course.  Either way, you both seem to be passive aggressive with one another.  Maybe his daughter can sense your animosity towards her.  I really don't know, but it definitely does sound to me like you both have issues with one another.
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480448 tn?1426948538
This seems to be a rather sore subject for you.

The fact of the matter is...society DOES indicate what is considered to be "normal" and what is "abnormal".  You may not like it, you don't have to agree with it...but it is what it is.

There's nothing wrong with you and your daughter kissing on the lips.  However, there are a lot of people who would not agree with being complacent about your 16 year old daughter walking around the house naked in front of her father.  That's NOT because it makes you sexually inappropriate, it's more about privacy, modesty, and teaching your daughter about having respect for her body...not just freely showing it to anyone.  She's growing into a young woman, and again, whether you like it or not, society dictates it's just not appropriate for a father to be seeing his grown daughter naked...especially on a regular basis.

Her coming to you to discuss boys and sex is fine.  Great in fact.  It's lovely to know that a young woman is comfortable enough with her Daddy to have those kinds of discussions.  

No one has said, or even insinuated that, because of the way you act in your home, that you're not a good Dad.  And, you keep getting so caught up with this idea that society's rule are the way they are (about the nudity issue) ONLY because of sexual predators.  That's not at all the way I see it...there's a lot more to it than that.  No one is telling you to change your ways...just trying to explain that it is not the "norm".  Plenty of people stray from the "norm".  If your set up is working for you...then great, but I think it would behoove you to sort of accept that because you're going against the "norm", people are going to have reactions to that.  

I know for myself...I teach my daughter that her body is a temple.  She's 14.  She has a beautiful figure and has blossomed into a young lady already.  When we go on family vacations, with my father, and her uncle, I stress the need for her to NOT wear the skimpiest bikini she can find, because I feel it is inappropriate around those male family members.  Ive taught her to be proud of her looks, her body, etc...but to respect it. I've told her that there are some parts of her body that shouldn't be revealed, and that when she is older and enters into a relationship, she needs to take the decision of showing her body to someone very seriously.  She's not at all prudish, and she understands what I've taught her.  Sometimes, at home, I think her shorts are a tad bit short...or a top may be a bit too tight...and while I'm not overly strict, I will sometimes tell her she needs to change.  Not even so much because she is around her Dad, but because we have company over frequently that includes adult male friends.  I just don't approve of her showing so much of her body.

Cultures vary all over the world.  Look at some of the middle eastern countries, where it is actually a CRIME for women to show more than their eyes and nose.  They wear burkas to cover literally everything.  As Americans, we think that's extreme.  That's kind of what I'm trying to say...there are different comfort levels with these kinds of things...and you may not like it...but you're just NOT going to change the societal views about stuff like that.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I don't think it is the whole of society but rather when a new partner enters the picture stoney.  We all have our own way of living life in our own home.  I will say that I probably wouldn't love my kids just waltzing through the house naked at the age of 16 nor would I do that myself as I do believe in privacy and modesty but that is my opinion on that only.  I too hope to be affectionate with my children even when they are older.  I have boys and see nothing wrong with kissing, cuddling and hugging them forever even though we are of the opposite sex.  good luck
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Avatar universal
i am  curious , do you think it is not right for you , or that it is not right for them ?  if you think it is not right for them , i would say .. shouldnt they be the ones to decide what is right for them ?  
you said you dont think there is anything sexual going on . so what exactly is it that you think is wrong ? is it wrong for a father / daughter to have an affectionate , secure , loving , non sexual relationship ?
my daughter is 16 . she is comfortable being naked around me , and routinely walks from her bedroom to the bathroom naked . she almost always kisses me on the lips when she kisses me . we say i love you to each other every day . we frequently hug each other . she prefers to talk to me when she has questions about sex or boys .
it is a very good thing when a father / daughter , despite our societies disturbing views regarding sexuality , are able to have an open , loving , affectionate ,relationship .
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Avatar universal
She does come first bc she is his daughter
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Avatar universal
I am 25 n at 17 I would never get in bed with my dad kissing his shoulder that's what lovers do or run around my house nude that's just sick! N 4 u 2 even feel its not right is not a good sign I'm sure your a clever lady to no its not normal at all She is not a child n her father is not right in the head to be acting like this with his own daughter none of my friend or family would ever agree with it. It sound to me like something wired has been going on here n yes u should call child services I would not let my child be around these strange people...
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Avatar universal
To me it seems like the daughter wants attention from her father, and that she might have her father rapped around her finger and will do whatever it takes to get his attention. At the same time her father needs to step up and say you need to cover yourself up and respect for everyone wishes in the house, and not let it to continue to go on. I feel the father needs to be the parent here.
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