My 6 year old is stealing and lying...

[Jwicker2]

I have a very bright 6 year old daughter that does not seem to get the seriousness of lying and stealing. She has recently tried hard to cover up her stealing candy from her grandmother by spitting out nothing but lies to me and I believed her because I can normally tell when she is lying. I found the candy the next day in my car and asked her if it was hers and where she got it, all she did was pout and cry. I told her that she had to apologize and give it back to her grandma and she was ok with it until we got there and she just through a fit. I don't understand why it is so hard for her to apologize for stealing things from other people but she will apologize to me for bad behavior when she acts out. She knows the consequences of stealing and lying because I have constantly told her about getting in trouble with the police, hurting people's feelings, disrespecting other people's things and punishments. Which include time out, no play time with friends, no tv, etc. I don't k ow what else to do... I'm lost!

[hangman1951]

It's a question of power - she threw the fit because she didn't believe you were actually going to take her back to her grandmother's house.  Maybe you can request a tour of the local jail - NOT A PRISON - from the local police department and have the tour guide tell her that this is where thieves are put.

[dhunter0304]

I would interpret this more as  a 'sign' that your daughter needs to learn to respect boundaries.   I would devote myself to being diligent is observing and disciplining boundary issues.  I would, over time,  demonstrate the value of others respecting her things; and from that perspective point out that respect for others, and their property, is important in the same way as she would expect others to value her autonomy.  This isn't so much about 'things' as about respect -  an essential part of growing up.  She is learning and you are her mentor.  Best wishes...

[cat_cons]

You have a point, but there are far better ways to express it.

[RockRose]

Well,  I've heard that children who steal at that age are trying to plug up holes in their hearts with the stolen stuff.  

Children who steal and horde food are often very anxious and unsure about where their next meal is coming from/lack a feeling of continuity and security in their lives,  but I don't sense she usually steals and hordes food - she did this time - but it doesn't sound from your description that's a pattern.

I went to your profile and your status caught my eye.  "...A 25 year old single mother of one 6 year old daughter. I work full time and go to school full time and manage to still have mother/daughter time, because I know how she will get if I don't."   It's hard to believe there's much time at all for her - if you work full time AND go to school full time.  

Is it possible that you can put some of that busyness on hold for a little while and spend more time with your daughter?

[Jwicker2]

It was closed candy that she knew not to get into. It's the point in her taking things that don't belong to her without asking first. My mom doesn't normally give her candy.

[RockRose]

I'm a little confused about your family dynamic.  Usually,  grandmas put out candy for the children to take,  of their own free will.  "Stealing" candy from Grandma isn't usually an option - they can just freely eat it at Grandma's home.  

I just don't get it.  I would be surprised if the police,  as you say,   would be interested in a child taking candy from Grandma's house.