I'm scared.

[rainbowsprinkle]

when I was 9, my dad sexually abused me for the first time. For about a year he continued to hurt me. at least once a week he would come in and touch me, and get me to touch him. When he was angry or drunk he would get rough and also beat me up. The worst time was a few weeks before my 10th birthday when he took my virginity. At the same time he would both physically and mentally abuse me, my sister and my mum. He would bash us up. Including my 7 year old sister, even though my mum and I would try our best to not let that happen. He would play mind games, call me a worthless ***** and stuff. I became depressed. I am now 13 and they have finally split. I am sad all the time. I cry myself to sleep often and have flashbacks. Lots of people just think I'm a freak because I'm paranoid. I think I have a sleeping disorder as I usually don't sleep for days at a time, and when I do sleep I get horrific nightmares. I do self harm and have suicidal thoughts but I know I couldn't as I have a duty to protect my family. I'm just so scared he's going to come back, that he's going to take my sister, or me. I couldn't bare to let her get hurt. I get stomach pains often, and I don't know what they are. Sort of like cramps cross food poisoning. I'm not sure. But they become so terrible I end up on the floor screaming. Please help me. I'm so scared.

[Joy1a]

Call your local police department an see if they can refer a family shelter or google some government resources or call a Catholic church to see if they are able to assist?

[ria223]

If the bruises were healed...n no significant physical trauma to the genitalia or contraction of an std, it comes down to cooraborating evidence. Unless he congresses which normally they don't.  A statement is no longer good enough, but wish it was. I know they have child sexual abuse support groups run by most child protection centers in us if u didn't feel therapy helped. They are great kids talking through their emotions associated w the sexual abuse trauma. I'm sorry he did this to you but u need to seek help, normally not something one can deal w on their own!

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. I take it you have talked to your mother about your nightmares and sleep disorder? What does she say about this?

[allmymarbles]

You have to find a new therapist. Without help it will be very difficult to put these experiences behind you. I am not sure how this is accomplished, but your school counselor should know

[rainbowsprinkle]

I know my story sounds a bit skepty (?) but I'm trying y best to explain it. When my mum found out she took me straight to the police where I went to one of the interview room. They asked me a whole bunch of questions then left to speak with mum. When they returned they said that they believed me (obviously in a more professional way) and that it was my desicion whether I press charges or not. I was just scared that once I saw him I would freak out, or he'd have a knife. I know it sounds stupid and pathetic but I am just so afraid. So that's why he never went to jail. He wasn't really the best guy anyway. He was a pot smoker, didn't have a license, abusive and everyone in the neighborhood new it

[rainbowsprinkle]

PTSD*

[rainbowsprinkle]

It wasn't that the police didn't believe me, they did. It was my choice whether to press charges or not. And I stupidly said no. I just don't want to see him again. I know you'll think it's a stupid mistake but i don't know. I have been diagnosed with anxiety/depressionand PSTD. I really don't know with the meds. She confused me. They all do. That's all that happened is she took me off them and I never saw her again. Mums trying to get me help. With everything. But it's expensive so I'm nt sure. With my nightmares they just get worse and worse. But it's generally the same nightmare with other stuff to make it worse. Me and my father were close. I don't know what I did to make him so upset

[specialmom]

It is awful to think of a 13 year old going through a situation like this and perhaps details are misunderstood by such a young person.  If the courts were involved, one can only hope he'd be prosecuted. Sexual battery by a parent or rape even are taken much more seriously in this day and age than they were in past year, even in small towns.  I don't know. Maybe there is a court system somewhere that is willing to brush things under the carpet still or her mother didn't go along with her story in court.   And perhaps her mother also didn't continue to help herin terms of her emotional health but with such things going on . . . this child would be under some watchful eyes.  School counselor and CPS would probably be involved with this family at this point.  

Well, you do hope that anyone going through this is able to get help.  Sadly, a thirteen year old needs the backing of her mother in this case to guide her and advocate for her. As maybe mom isn't doing that job efficiently, the support people at school and CPS would hopefully provide some direction.   She can ask her mom to see another therapist and to continue working on the emotional trauma.  

but I do think there are a few pieces to this story missing.  I wish the poster lots of luck and peace

[allmymarbles]

.What you say is possible, but you can't conceal the bruises from beatings, and drunken brawls make a lot of noise.

[RockRose]

I don't know what Rainbow's story is all about,  but I could see what she's saying happening.

If the dad is an upstanding member of the community and there is no one to corroborate her story,  he could get away with it.  And medication for depression or anxiety often cause an increase in nightmares - so an MD could conceivably have thought meds were doing more harm than good, and took her off them.  And then no one followed up on getting her any other kind of help she needed - like psychotherapy.

But again I don't know.

[allmymarbles]

Your story is very strange.

[specialmom]

Yes, in this day and age, they do prosecute a parent for a sexual assault with jail time.  Did he go to jail?  

And most therapists delve further into care for someone if their emotional health worsens.  I agree with Allmymarbles that some more information would be helpful to reconcile that.  

Were you diagnosed with anything?

[allmymarbles]

I am having a bit of a problem. If the authorities knew that your father abused you sexually, why did nothing come of it? And a therapist abandoning you because you got worse is something I don't understand. Maybe you should tell us more about the situation. We want to be able to give helpful advice, but for that we need a fuller understanding.

[RockRose]

I agree with the others.

It sounds like you have all the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  

Here is a link that explains that,  and offers some self-help strategies that you can start to do yourself while getting therapy lined up.

Best wishes.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

[specialmom]

Ya know, I'd ask to see someone else.  Talk therapy is really important.  They will talk about how sick your dad is and awful.  That none of that was your fault.  That you will now need to try to get a new image to internalize about what men are and who they can be so that you don't carry this with you and into every relationship you have from here on out with men.  

Molestation, rape, physical abuse and mental abuse in a child can have life long affects if you don't stop that process.  Maybe you can do this on your own but so very often, a professional can help guide you.  Pills will work for depression but the best combination to help a person get over traumatic events is medication for any psychological effects or post traumatic stress disorder but also talk therapy to discuss all of it in depth.  Discuss it now so you can put it behind you and go on living.  

What has happened is criminal.  It is truly awful and the worst life has to offer.  But it does not define you.  Don't let it.  Move on from this abuse with the wisdom that the people in our life are to love and cherish, not hurt.  And that not all people possess the evil your dad did.  

Wishing you peace and encouraging the hard work of healing.  All the best for you dear

[rainbowsprinkle]

yess yes, they were. Nothing really happened. He was never charged. I've already seen someone and they didn't help at all. they pretty much just put me on some pills that knocked me out. But the nightmares got to bad so they gave up

[allmymarbles]

This was a case for the police. Were they ever called? I would speak to your school counselor. She should be able to arrange help for you. Your sister and your mother need help as well.