14 year old boys masturbating in class

[grinch45]

I am a regular education teacher.  I have two male students, age 14, who have,  masturbated in class.  One more frequently than the other.  They are not diagnosed with anything more serious than ADHD. I want them to get the help they need.  I also know that their behavior is obvious enough to impact the learning environment.  I have been told this is not the case because no parent has complained.  I feel that most 14 year olds find this behavior extremely embarrasing and will not mention it.  I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class.  Please help.

[BadKitten]

I completely agree that it is HIGHLY inappropriate, however you can only approach the principal/headmaster once or twice about student issues & then you have to do what they tell you to, unless you want to run the risk of losing your job. Most heads of hs are very touchy about being questioned, but it does sound like Grinch's case is that the headmaster is hiding their head in the sand. The only thing left is leaving it alone & hoping a parent complains or approaching the superintendent & praying that doesn't backfire. It is just a very tough position to be in.

[margypops]

and I would go as far as to say these boys need some therapy whatever disorder they have .

[margypops]

I stand by what I said..... if my child was in a class where some kids were behaving like this I would want to know why it was allowed and would want it stopped ASAP

[Sandman2]

    Well Lisa - you have probably guaranteed that he will never reply.  If you had read his question carefully he said, " I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class."   I would assume that he meant the administration told him that which was why he was asking for some kind of help.  And, for someone to have told him that - he must have told someone.  In fact there is a lot we don't know about what went on - hence several of my questions.
    Point being is that your last sentence, in my opinion, is uncalled for and certainly not very helpful.

[allmymarbles]

Have you told them that this behavior is forbidden in the classroom? Sometimes that is all it takes. If you do not put a stop to this, then eventually everyone will sit and stare at them as though they were watching animals in a zoo. Or they might just get on the bandwagon and join in.

Altogether an unhealthy, antisocial business....

[lisaob1]

just reading over again...it really is quite very very very wrong...they are 14...it shouldnt even be a question on medhelp..they should of been dealt with... for gods sake they 14..before i was being polite..but my god..suspend them and give the parents a right ticking off for gods sake.. it really is soo sooooo very wrong ther behaviour...hellloooooooooooooo
not exceptable..disgusting behaviour,..think about it...deal with it accordingly..    

[MontanaMan91]

At 14, they are not 'boys.' They are young men who have the innate responsibility of their very powerful male sexuality. No doubt they are rubbing themselves rather than full on masturbating, a distinction most women these days don't understand. Thus by their actions, they prove they both have experienced their respective semenarches and are now responsible for where and how they express their male sex drive. The first issue is not to moralize their actions and condemn their male sexualities, but rather to address these 14 year olds as young men. Once you explain to them that their male sexuality is powerful and critical to the survival of society (ref Camile Paglia), then you will witness a stunning turn around.

It's not like this sort of thing didn't happen in the classroom 50 years ago. It's just that women teachers knew how to handle it, for they understood that being born male was a huge responsibility that they would never fully understand, but demanded it be honored, and honored by the very ones who were, in fact, born male.

[MontanaMan91]

I should also say that I recognize that the teacher is a man, the breadwinner of his family, and probably knows why these young men are rubbing themselves for attention, but is hamstrung by the administration to the point that he is ordered not to even address the subject with their parents. Amazing, but is the sad state of our society reflected in the education system where men are fearful for their jobs rather than boldly leading young men into their own manhoods. That's what these young men are desperate for: men who will lead them.

[AnnieBrooke]

Handy35, we all agree that it is gross and inappropriate, and it probably does make the school district vulnerable to a lawsuit from some girl's parents.  But saying things like "who knows what one of them might try on a girl in class during the heat of the moment!" is not going to assist in the problem-solving intent of this conversation.  A kid with who is masturbating [apparently by the way he is sitting and moving, not by exposing his penis] is not the same as someone who intends to commit rape.  Rape has its roots in an impulse to harm, it is an act of violence that uses the most personally insulting and degrading method.  It is not an act of stress relief or habit.  Please don't stir things by adding such imputations, it is hard enough for the people who have been writing on this thread to keep their calm.  We all agree it is outrageous, and all are having difficulty understanding how grinch is in such an impossible position, and it is hard to discuss, but going off into tangents won't help grinch solve his problem.

[lisaob1]

hi..this post has been so long and so on going that i too have racked my brains with it...i look over it and understand how people feel and how the teacher feels..i sympathize to an extent..but i too feel,that if my daughter was in this classroom..i would cause the utmost uproar..it most definitely is unacceptable..no question! and i then try to put myself in the teachers point of view...and as harsh as it sounds..if that kind of behaviour was going on in my classroom..i wouldnt wait for the educational system.or parents to intervene..i would kick off,i just couldnt let it happen under my nose and wait for others to tell me it was wrong...no job in the world is worth letting behaviour like that happen

[Handy35]

i apologize for all the typos in my comments.  I am using a new laptop and i hate the keyboard it has and am still getting use to it!  :{

[Handy35]

To risk the proper education of 30 other children for the sake of allowing 2 children to continue masturbating in class is unacceptable and thats how i wod look at the overall picture!  It simply is a matter of principle, and apparently the school has none, and its a disgrace to the education system and all those allowng it to continue shold be ashamed and frankly fired!  If i were a parent of one of the other childre, i wold file a lawsuit agaist the school district for knowingly and delibritely puttng my child in quite frankly what is an unsafe environment.  Oed of these boys masturbating in class and have an erection gong on, who knows what one of them might try on a girl in class during the "heat of the moment"!  It's shameful that this is even going on and it makes me so mad i cant begin to say how i really feel!

[Handy35]

These children having add or adhd is not a reason or excuse for masturbating in the classroom!  Having add doesnt prevent a child from knowing right and wrong behavior.  Your posting which comes across as saying add excuses their behavior is disturbing! If thats not what you meant to do, it is indeed what you have done!  There is no room for even a hint of excusing their behavior!  Even f the kids did have mental health issues, this behavor IS NOT excusable in a REGULAR CLASSROOM SETTING, which the original poster has said this is!  End of story!

[Handy35]

i am appalled at what ive read from grinch45.  Not appalled at grinch45 but rather at whatever school he is employed at!  For the previous years teachers to not have handled it before reaching you is appalling in itself.  Second, for the school's administrators to brush this under the rug so to speak is even more apalling!  What the two boys are doing is NEVER acceptable in a classroom environment and without question, needs to stop!  I can't elieve your school isnt stepping up to help you deal with this and is asking you to allow it to continue as if nothing wrong is going on?  If it were me, I would prepare myself of the possibility of being fired because I would go above whomever i had to in order to find someone who is willing to do the right thing and bring this issue to an end for good!  I would go as high as i had to in order t get it dealt with, even if it meant going to the state level to find resolution!  Just what i would do because this is about right and wrong and these boys are starting to get into manhood and this CANNOT CONTINUE for another day!

[Sandman2]

       Hi Annie.  He did say that they were both ADHD.  And it is very common to have special ed kids mainstreamed.  
     I am reading between the lines, but I would assume that since he was instructed not to raise the issue to the parents that there is "history" from prior years and at least one of the kids does have an IEP.  Also guessing that the district is really frightened of a law suit.  But as I said, I am only guessing and going on what I have seen happen in my own district.
     And I agree completely that it would be very easy for a girl to file sexual harassment charges.   I've got a feeling that since that apparently has not been done, that the action is more bothersome to the teacher than to the kids.  But who knows?

[AnnieBrooke]

I am wondering where the teacher's union is in all of this.  A teacher should not be fired for making a legitimate complaint.  A masturbating student (that is not identified as special needs -- he said it is a regular classroom) that the administration will not deal with and instead threatens the teacher with job loss over, is a problem, and a bombshell from a legal point of view.  I am amazed that if the school is so fearful of a lawsuit from some special-education lawyer, it hasn't occurred to them that the parents of other students like Mary and Allie and Erin won't sue for sexual harassment or hostile classroom environment.  No judge would agree that as a condition of going to school, a girl has to sit near a boy who is masturbating.  There is also the question of how many teachers (one each year since this kid hit puberty) have been intimidated into silence by the administration -- they could ALL sue the school.  Even if it is a private school and there is no union representation, teachers do not leave their right to a non-hostile work environment at the door when they come to work.  No matter where they work.  I would certainly talk to an employment lawyer before just giving up.  It's hard on the teacher, but I can imagine it is even harder on the students, especially the girls.

[lisaob1]

grinch..you have had remarkable response from your previous post...and it has provoked some debation between others also...what concerns me is your lack of interest and opinion..,how is the situation now? has it been resolved? have any steps been taken?

[aheart]

   I think the administration is totally wrong in trying to swept this under the rug. When a child goes home upset because she or he has figured out what is going on all h*ll will break loose. This could be emotionally scarring to a child that is sensitive and when the parents put their heads together on this, well the administration better be ready for a battle. Right is right and wrong is wrong. When not making waves comes before the rights and care of each student, shame on them! I hope they learn a lesson from this.
Sorry for your posistion in the whole thing Grinch, but you tried.

[lisaob1]

thanks...,for understanding...x

[specialmom]

Yes, I agree!!

[lisaob1]

to be honest i think it was figuratively speaking and frustration all in one....it was never intended to be personal...eg..your friends kid scrawls all over you wall with a crayon...the little sh-t.....lol...,so hence the little pair of sh-ts...they were naughty etc...it was never intended in the offensive way it come across....
i would just be being a bully and that i dont agree with one little bit...
i didnt mean it....your right.,maybe to much focus is on the teacher also..although he is in an awful position....maybe the kids need some kind of guidance...hope they get it and i hope all involved do to

[specialmom]

Anyway, I do think that your first sentence said you didn't mean to call them that name and that is good.  Otherwise, we are in agreement. :>)

[specialmom]

Adhd is a neurological issue and these boys have IEP's if I read correctly placing them in the category of atypical students.  If you like to call kids little s&its, more power to you.  

anyway, hope that the teacher is able to get some support at some point to help with this situation.  I do feel for the teacher who has their hands tied.  

[lisaob1]

i do agree..it was very unfair of me to resort to name calling in that manner,and i was wrong...i say im wrong..,it was never intended to offend although it came across that way..
these boys in question do not however have special needs.they were just two naughty boys that were not dealt with appropriately..,
And Demonizing is quite harsh,maybe the way i come across was worded wrongly..,i see your in agreement though regarding the behaviour of these boys..but the lecture of calling me inappropriate and unappreciated...that i wont apologise for...but like you said...its your opinion

[margypops]

I agree with what you have said here lisa...I dont believe its normal for children of 14 to behave like this and I would think that parents would remove their children  from this environment ...