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Avatar universal

I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt

About my cat dying. It's not just because my cat died. But it's because I realized I didn't spend enough time with her as I should have. And I grew up with this cat. This isn't your ordinary cat, that all she does is eat and sleep and likes to be alone. This cat is people person cat. She doesn't think of herself as a cat, she thinks of herself as a human. And she personally loves me. I had this cat for 19 years. Toward the end of her life, I still pet her and stuff. But when I usually became a private person and I stopped having her in my room. When I grew up, I didn't have a door to my room. When I moved to another home, I still let her in my room and stuff, maybe as not as often. She would paw under the door to get in.

Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?

Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.

And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.

Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.

I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.

She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.

Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.

I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.

I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.

Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.

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Avatar universal
Thank you for posting this. I had my cat for nearly 20 years, getting him as an older teen. When marriage, kids, jobs, and more adult responsibilities came into the picture, I feel like he got less and less of my best. There were many days he’d come to me for a loving pat and I just didn’t have anything more to give anyone and shoo’ed him away. Now I’m in my 30’s, and once our second cat passed last year, I noticed a big change in him. He became depressed and gradually got thinner. It was slow enough of a pace to for it not to be shockingly obvious. This weekend (I’m going to say it’s the Holy Spirit’s work) really brought his weight to my attention. But, he seemed to still be in good spirits and moving around just fine. My husband and I stopped what we were doing, played with him for about 30 minutes, held him, and fed some of his favorite food. He basked and purred in all that loving. Yesterday, after not seeing him waking around our house for most of the day, my heart dropped in my chest and I began to desperately look for him, with my husband on the phone at work.  I found him passed away, curled up in his typical sleeping pose, behind our furnace. I’m so depressed and overwhelmed with grief that I didn’t give him more of my time and that I let life, jobs, etc overwhelm me all the time. I’m taking this as a purification process in what flaws in me need to change. His life is worth letting the suffering and grief I feel transform me for the better. Animals are truly one of the greatest lessons of learning to love unselfishly. There are many times I failed that lesson. I feel like all I can do now is commit to him that I will change that part of myself forever. My heart goes to pet parents that are feeling the same way right now. Grief combined with regret is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
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Avatar universal
I know how you feel. Exactly how you feel. My dog Holly, she's starting to get old. She'll be 9 soon. She's starting to develop arthritis and she's not her usual self. I love that dog to death, she's the best dog in the world. Always sweet and kind to everyone she met. But I feel like I haven't spent enough time with her over the years. I can think of many a time I was doing something unimportant when I could've been playing fetch with Holly. Sometimes when I would get up to go do something else, I'd try not to look back to see Holly staring at me as I left. Now this is all coming back to me. The grieving has already begun. I would always keep telling myself that I was gonna spend more time with Holly but I never tend to fix my mistake. And of course ever since I went to college I wouldn't have nearly as many opportunities to see her. I'm writing this at two in the morning when I should be asleep. The point is, you're not alone.
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You know, these lovely beings, our dogs, imprint on our heart. You are young, feeling guilty is something I swear Holly wouldn't want.  I hope you got some rest.  Take care,
Avatar universal
I thank you for you words, I had to put my cat leo down yesterday after having him 13 years and I have been feeling guilty that I too shooed my cat away too many times and I began to questioned myself.  But like you said just because we can't be the perfect cat mommies doesn't mean that they did not feel loved.  THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Reading this helped a bit with the guilt I feel.
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Avatar universal
i feel terrible right now beacuase my dad sold my kitten i  only had her for a week she was so kind and caring i hardly had time to spend with her..
she was sold yesterday and im still crying everytime i come home i look for her and realise shes not there i blame it my fault my dad sold her beacuase he said she was getting to hard to manage i wish i would of done something about it but i was utterly useless so she got sold her new family are nice but i so want her back :(
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Avatar universal
I understand the pain and guilt except I have more responsibility than you do. My cat was diagnosed hyperthyroid and I only gave her medicine for a couple of weeks and then couldn't be bothered. She died this weekend. She was sick so I took her to the 911 vet and they basically stole $1,000 from me. They kept her for 8 hours overnight then I picked her up the next morning and took her to our regular vet who after brow beating me for not giving her the necessary meds informed me that she was dying and I needed to hurry and give consent to euthanize her. She was 4.5 lbs. She was mouth breathing and really sick. She was probably in renal failure and in a lot of pain. I am disgusted with myself and can't stand to be in my own skin. This cat was indoor at the beginning of her life and then she started going potty inside so she was outside during day and in the garage at night. She wanted to be an inside cat so desperately. I am beyond heart broken at how I treated her. It is hard to believe that I loved her so much but treated her so poorly. Oh how I wish I could reverse time. If only I had let her be indoors more, If only I had petted her more, if I had given her better food and more treats, if only I had given her the necessary meds, if only I had treated her how she would have treated me if our roles were reversed. I understand completely as this pain and guilt and disgust that I have with myself if beyond anything I have experienced. My best friend helped me in telling met that God has Grace for all pets and that she is not suffering anymore and that I was in denial and my plate is too full etc.etc. All we can do is do better next time and try to let everyone we know not make the same mistakes as us and to do things right before it's too late. I plan to use this experience to be a better person for the rest of my life and do things the way "Squeaky would do" - Been crying for 72 hours and counting.......sorry Squeaky I truly am........I hope God and Squeaky can forgive me.
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Avatar universal
better than a long life in prison. Much, much bettter.
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Avatar universal
Just to add... My cat was also the runt of the litter, and had a health problem from kittenhood.
So almost 20 years is pretty amazing really.
Sorry, but I'll never understand the mindset of trapping a cat indoors for it's whole life. I simply cannot see how anyone can justify imprisoning any living creature : We all love to feel the sun and breeze, to smell the flowers and grass. Even to take a walk in the rain on occasion, or play with snow... as my cat frequently did. I'd do the same again, even with the risk of something happening to them. A short life of freedom is better th
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Avatar universal
Completel understand where you're coming from : Lost my almost 20 yr old cat 3 wks ago. Also have the 'I should have petted her then, let her have some of my chicken, known what was wrong and communicated it better to vet, etc, etc' guilty thoughts.

But unlike some posters, I also have regrets of fussing over her TOO MUCH at times!! Her life had become frequent trips to the vet and alot of meds / grooming attention - which I know she didn't like being messed with too much.

She went up and down and seemed fed up/tired at times over the last year or so, and I can't help feeling I should have let her go earlier (or at least not had the opinion that her fed up/tired looking phases were just normal old cat behaviour). I did go on what the vet advised about her levels of comfort at every step of the way, so all I can do is hope I provided the correct information to support his professional opinion.

So, as you can see: You cannot win, whatever you do!

I wish so much that I could have just another few minutes with her, just to to adore, cuddle and spoil her as I wish I had

We'll always find regrets. Sadly, we couldn't discuss what they really wanted with them. And so we can't be sure we delivered it...

Just to dispell a seemingly American myth : My cat had a cat flap, and until the last 2 years (only allowed out when I was around as too old and vulnerable / didn't need the stress of chasing other cat visitors away anymore), she had the freedom of the great outdoors and lived to 19yrs and 10 months. This is one thing I will never regret, she had her freedom to go wherever she pleased, whenever it suited her. Mostly, she chose hanging around with us at home / in her garden :)

She was out in the garden when I made the decision to take her to vet as an emergency (a few issues),knowing what he was likely to advise :(

Albeit a stumbling, weak probably uncomfortable final roam: She had her freedom til her very last hour.

It's been some time, so I hope you're feeling better now. It is a good life lesson to learn though : We can only do what we think is ok at the time. Hindsight would be a wonderful thing, if only we could turn back time.
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Avatar universal
"When your cat was in its final moments she wasn't thinking that you should've spent more time with her, she was thinking of all the good times you had together and that made her happy she had a good life and will be waiting for you. I learnt from my other cat, animals are not immortal and neither are we but either way they will always have a good life.

Sorry this was late, but at least it's something. " -ElliottCopter

I don't know what she was thinking before she died. I do know the cat would love me unconditionally. And she wanted to be by me when she was sick. God took care of Jesus when Jesus was suffering on the cross. And Jesus wasn't mad at us. I just don't know what a cat thinks. But when she sees me, she remembers me, and loves me. So I do know her mind remembers who I am. So she must remember incidents in the past like as you say. So it is definitely possible she thinks that. But I do wonder if we suffer, all we can think about is pain, because pain becomes a distraction. I heard of World War 2 prisoners being starved, and when you are starved all you can think about is food. The more pain and suffering the less happy thoughts.


"I am so sorry for you. I have a loving cat as well and spend a lot of time with her. Occasionally I think about her dying and actually hope that I die first.
There is a greater lesson to be learned from this. Don't make the same mistake with the humans in your life.
I have lost family members and am very blessed that I always took the time to be with them and love them. One day before my mother died, I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked at her lovingly, and said "You are the best person in the whole world." I think about that a lot. How happy I am that I told her when I still could.

So.  learn a from your sorrow. Share your time and love with everything important in your life before it is too late.

And I agree. Find yourself a new kitten. " -MaryWilson001


I had trouble finding words to say when my grandpa died. Like 4 hours before he died. He was really struggling. I do think it's a lie when people say people or pets die peacefully (they said it in the obituary). It seems like they are suffering. Maybe there is peace knowing they had a full life and didn't suffer through their entire life, just near the end.

But I must love cats more (I was sadder about my cat dying than my grandpa), or maybe it's because I lived in the same house. If I live in the same house as the people or cats I live with, I will feel sad. I would feel 1,000 more times sad if my parents die.

Anyways an update. I'm not feeling as depressed or guilty as I was before. I suppose because of what nursegirl6572 said about the mind just burying it. Although sometimes if I do bring it up in my mind, and I focus on it and think about it deeply. I still go into that depressed state.

I don't think it was a coincidence that God gave me a new cat, coincidentally 1 week after my cat died. There was a ad in the paper for the same looking Calico cat as my dead cat. And her personality is 100% identical. That's not a coincidence. That's God's way of saying love this new cat and don't worry I am taking care of your cat in heaven. She is waiting for you. And no, I don't believe I'm making this up in my head just to deal with grief. I don't like it when people say oh people just made up God/Heaven so they can deal with people/cats dying. If I didn't have the bible, I still would believe in God. But further belief in the bible, I understood what true love is. And you can't just make that stuff up. People's morals differ from God's. That's testament to what I believe. Of course there are those people that will just take the bible out of context and just make it look bad. That's another topic.

Thanks for your support so far, everyone.
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry for you. I have a loving cat as well and spend a lot of time with her. Occasionally I think about her dying and actually hope that I die first.
There is a greater lesson to be learned from this. Don't make the same mistake with the humans in your life.
I have lost family members and am very blessed that I always took the time to be with them and love them. One day before my mother died, I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked at her lovingly, and said "You are the best person in the whole world." I think about that a lot. How happy I am that I told her when I still could.

So.  learn a from your sorrow. Share your time and love with everything important in your life before it is too late.

And I agree. Find yourself a new kitten.
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480448 tn?1426948538
Sorry for the loss of your kitty.  It really is so hard, isn't it?  They become a member of the family.  In time, maybe you can rescue a new kitten who needs a forever home.  

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Pets certainly can be members of one's family.  I feel sorry for your loss.   It was your cat's time.   I suggest to try to remember the good times.   I know personally when I was in my late teens when I lost my FoxterrierPoo.   Sammy .  Decades later I still miss him.
Avatar universal
I feel your pain my cat had just passed away four days ago, and I never knew I loved her so much and how long I had her for I guess I fooled myself into thinking she would live forever and I took that for granted. My point is I never stopped to think that she could die and that means I started spending less time with her and not loving her as much as I used too. I grew up with pets I had 2 dogs and 2 cats, when my dogs died I didn't feel the pain I do now, it's maybe because I'm older and now know what death truly is. I thought of the future knowing my pets and some family members would be gone but it happened to soon for me to react, I never felt this pain since my grandad died, and I never thought I would cry over my pets. I learnt from this and now spend more time with my other cat.

When your cat was in its final moments she wasn't thinking that you should've spent more time with her, she was thinking of all the good times you had together and that made her happy she had a good life and will be waiting for you. I learnt from my other cat, animals are not immortal and neither are we but either way they will always have a good life.

Sorry this was late, but at least it's something.
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Avatar universal
if u have sleep disorder or deep sadness not over few months - go to specialist.( no to one of representatives of pseudo profession "psychologist'') for neurologist maybe.
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Avatar universal
If its helpful- imag. that she is in Bast Temple
or flying with Wind or smthng..

Cats actually can to fly let me tell U(when nobody se'ing)

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Avatar universal
''they do not have the same ability we as humans do''-right.4 example -hate  baseness greediness. but they have not only "instinct and reaction''. its senseless and stupid words.
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Avatar universal
totally
understand U.
feeling the same-[not bc little kitten(who loved everyone and trust ) died...but
bc he  was suffering from useless medical procedures and meds in vetclinic
alone. it was not my choice,but i did not stop it.]
I know I m guilty.nothing can change it. You will feel n the same-you can not change nothing in past.
But its over...

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Avatar universal
Why seek out a therapist? Isn't this therapy right now? They only help out people because you pay them money(I know they also do it because they enjoy their job and like helping out people, rather than just the money, also). But versus people that help out people in their spare time for free. I rather not have see a therapist.

I don't see how a therapist can help me unless a therapist can bring my cat back to life for another month. I just want to spend time with her. Just kind of make up for a failure to have an emotional response to her. The emotional response I thought needed. But I only realized after she died. Even though I did love her. Even though I did let her in my room the day before she started dying and petted her, and even though I did pet her when I was out in the kitchen, and other times.

I just want to visit her in heaven and then come back to earth, or have God bring her to earth for a while, and then teleport her back to heaven. Because I want to love her and talk to her, because I felt even though I still cared for her, gave her some attention. I didn't do enough on my standards of love (near the end or maybe past 6 months), and I failed to have that emotional response I needed before she died. So I really want to see her in happiness. And give her happiness back to her,  by giving her attention. Holding her, chasing her, playing with her, watching tv with her.

There are solutions to this problem.

1. God brings my cat back to life, if I try to ask God. But I don't think God always gives us what we want. And also, bringing the cat back to life wouldn't be fair, because she would suffer again from dying. I know it's kind of selfish for me to ask. Or just not have her die, just teleport her back to heaven.

2. I brain wash myself to believe that God put her soul into my next cat that I have. Which is stupid for me to believe. I choose to believe she is in heaven. God cares about all creatures. God doesn't say at all that he puts other souls into other bodies after they die. I guess I had a theory he could do that. But more bible versus indicate;

(Psalm 145:-9-10,13,15-21)  God loves all His creation and has made plans for all His children and the lesser creatures to enjoy His eternal Kingdom."

So yeah, God has made plans for my cat. And maybe God wants my cat never to suffer again and be eternally forever in heaven.

3. Now, I know God knows I have soft heart. So much so, if I did kill myself, God would know why. God would understand that I did it, because I felt guilty that I didn't give enough attention to my cat. (Not because I couldn't deal with life but I had to show some love to my cat that I forget to realize only after she died) And probably God won't bring me back to life. If God did that, then more people would be coming back to life. Plus, I would have to get my permission from my family to do this, so they would be alright with it. And I doubt they would let me, and they would be very sad, that I would be gone. So it's kind of selfish to do this. And probably I don't have the guts to go through the physical pain, in order to die.


Instead I just kind of fantasize God bringing my cat back to life, and then me being with her. Yeah, so I don't think a therapist going to help me. And I'm sure my cat understands me, and still loved me. It's just I can't stand imagining her suffer, her howling, and just dying. And not being around anymore. I guess I'm hoping for a miracle. If not, I guess I will have to wait until I die to see her. God knows, I want to be with God ultimately in time. I'm not mad at God. I kind of wish pets lived as long as humans, I'm not sure why God made them have a shorter lifespan. It's like very very horrible in my mind to have experienced this. Most horrible thing I have ever experienced. And I had an attachment to my cat. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself, but I'm aware of my emotional responses or lack of one.
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480448 tn?1426948538
The fact that you're still really struggling with this, and even having thoughts of "joining" her in heaven indicates that you need to seek some professional help with this.  

I know you were resistant to the idea earlier in the thread, but I really recommend that you seek out a therapist to help you work through this.  A therapist can offer suggestions of ways to help you accept what happened and let the guilt go.  You really need help working on ways to get out of this obsessive type thinking about this.  It's not healthy dear.

Hope you seek some help!
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Avatar universal
I feel really still depressed about this. I still think about her suffering. Even before she starting dying. I keep thinking about Wednesday. And how I only spent like an hour or two with her on my bed (I should have been with her a lot longer). I think about her being in the bathroom, near the vent before I went to bed. I petted her there. That whole year,  or past 6 months. I keep picturing her howling. And just dying and suffering. I should have spent more time with her the past 6 months. I knew she was old, why didn't I ever think, oh I should love her more. Do more than just petting. I could have kept her in my room more.

I want God, so badly to bring me to heaven, so I can pet and hold her. I know God's taking care of her. Or I want to dream about her, or something God could help me fix this problem of my deep guilt. If I wasn't such a private person. Man, I wanted the thought or someone tell me that I should make sure to give my cat extra attention, she doesn't have much longer to live.

I just want to see her for 5 hours and visit her alive, so I can get rid of this guilt. See her happiness as she sees me, and recognizes me.

You know how they ask you the question do you ever have any regrets in life. Well, this is a huge one? Granted, I still loved my cat, and she loved me. It's just as I gave her attention or when I was petting her. I never thought that my brain didn't produce, hey, she doesn't have much longer to live, love her a little more. Bring her in your room a little more to spend some time.

I really want God to help me with this one. Give me some sort of sign or something.

Why should cats suffer? Why should cats die? I know humans do too, but animals it's are hard too. Saddest thing I ever seen. Because I don't think she knows why she is suffering. Seeing her die, makes me never want to be happy again. I just want my cat to see her happy. And I want to give her attention. I know God understands how much I love her. And I didn't show it 100% all the time. But most of my life, I did. God knows I could have done better, the cat accepted the fact that I was a private person. And she waited to get attention anytime I could. But I don't think she understands I could have done better. It's hard , it hasn't been that long, but I don't have too much memory of being with her in the past year that much. That's what is disturbing. But I remember being around her, and I still do remember petting her. But was it more than 30 mins a day. It didn't seem like it. I did feed her everyday human food when she came up for it.
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Avatar universal
So sorry about the death of your cat.  I can relate becoz we had to put our cat to sleep since he just wasn't eating & it was a lung tumor problem.  Many cats that sense they are dying will actually withdraw from us....I did not understand till my daughter looked it up onthe internet.  So I hear how you felt bad that you were not there 100% .  I will confess that as a busy working mom I did not get to enjoy my cat as much as i could have.  I am taking it as a lesson in life...I know we took  good care of our pet and he was truly loved.  But if we get another pet, I can only try to make amends by "taking time to smell the roses"!  Please be kind to yourself and none of us is perfect.  But we all are given another chance to improve.  No good from beating yourself up.   All the best to you..
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480448 tn?1426948538
I'm still sort of having a war in my head over it. Thinking about it a lot and spacing out.


I agree with that, and that's what I'm trying so hard to encourage you not to do.  We obviously disagree on some of your concerns here, which is fine.  I just hate to see someone torturing themselves so much, as I honestly don't think it's warranted.

We can ALWAYS do better, when it comes to our loved ones, our pets, anyone in our lives...and losing someone/something close to us is a good way for us to learn maybe how we could improve ourselves some.  That's a GOOD thing.  Learning lessons are good.

While I'm doing all the "what iffing" that's normal in these situations, I don't feel a ton of regret or guilt...not to the level you describe, because I'm not overanalyzing to the point you are.  That's the difference.

Peanut was an indoor/outdoor cat.  Spent about 50/50 time inside and out.  He LOVED life...he hunted, proudly brought his "catches" to the patio for praise, and yet he also loved to curl up on his favorite chair in our sunroom.  He was a friendly, playful cat and I was probably his favorite.  He liked to be petted, but also at times kept his distance.  I gave him attention, but not constantly.  When my husband and I realized something might not have been right, he had already vanished, so I couldn't intervene.  Otherwise, I would have more closely watched him, taken him to the vet, whatever it took, but it just wasn't meant to be.  Whatever happened, it was his time, and he went off to die alone.  That was HIS choice.  I spent three straight days calling for him, looking for him, checking the patio and the porch every 15 minutes.  If he had WANTED help, he knew where to go.  Historically, when cats are near the end, they choose to hide, for whatever reason.  Sure, I wish he was here, so I could love him and pet him and kiss him one more time...but I can't change what happened.  I don't for a moment think he ever felt neglected or turned away.  Even on the days I maybe couldn't be bothered as much, he got plenty of love and attention from the whole family at other times.  He was 9 by the way.  Outdoor cats don't live as long apparently.  My Peanut was absolutely special, in his own way...he loved the interaction with us, but also loved his freedom to roam.  He would slink through the fields for hours.  He would lie in the sun...lol.  He was a sweetie.  

I just honestly feel that your thoughts are obsessive, and that worries me.  I also worry that you may project the feelings of loss of your other cat onto this new one, overanalyzing everything that goes on, when you're petting him, wondering if you're doing enough, etc.  Loving a pet shouldn't require so much thought...you easily know what you're doing.  You didn't do a thing wrong with your other cat.  Hopefully some day you'll see that.

I'm sad and I miss my Peanut, but I also have started finding acceptance that what happened happened, and I DID do everything I could at that point to try to find him...but when I did, it was too late.  It was his time, and he went out on his own terms, and I'm perfectly okay with that.  We gave him a nice burial tonight, and will start working on our collage after our vacation.  

We plan to get another cat over the summer, but we're not in a hurry.  I personally don't think a new pet should be obtained quickly after one dies.  I think (especially for kids' sakes) for it to be clear that one isn't a replacement for the other...kids may get that message if there's not a lot of time in between.  Plus, we'd like some time to grieve over Peanut...give him the honor of some time to reflect on what he meant to us, then we'll get a new kitty, which will be so exciting.  I plan on getting a cat that the kids pick out...they've already started naming colors and breeds...none which are like Peanut.  They know we cannot replace him with another cat and I think their thinking is to get a VERY different cat...so he/she can be something totally new and different.  Certainly for us, there will never be another Peanut.

Take care of yourself...
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Avatar universal
Hi, how old was peanut when he died? Because I think indoor + outdoor cats don't live as long.
And ironically, if you read all my posts. And you had a cat. Why didn't you think and learn from what I did, and give her some extra attention, per each day? Or maybe the timing of when you read my posts was too late?

Because what I'm thinking if someone told me don't forget to give your cat some extra attention or I read about the same story about their cat. I would have remembered, and gave my cat some extra attention. Trust me, I would feel even more worse if I didn't give her the attention she needed before the day she started dying. I'm glad I let her in my room and spent 2 hours with her. I agree, that there are way too many moments in my past that I had with my cat, giving her lots of attention growing up with her. And living in the same house. And just being around, that way over my guilt.

It's not a what if for me (because of course she is going to die, can't stop that, but maybe prolong it and at least know). It's more like a huge regret, not giving my cat more attention before she dies, or last 3 months or year perhaps. As I could have. I always did give her human food, when she came up to me. Thinking she is old, let her live a little. But I forget the petting and letting her into my room a little more. My life wasn't busy, at the moment, either. I'm glad I did spend time with her in my room the day before she started dying. And if I had to do it all over again. I would spend every moment I could with her. Plus, I would record it.

I don't think I will let the guilt go. It's what makes me human. I will probably just hold onto the guilt, and use it as a life experience. My next cat I have(recently got) (She will never be the same cat, but her personality is very similar and she looks similar to my other cat). I agree, that there are way too many moments in my past that I had with my cat, growing up with her. And living in the same house. And just being around, that way over my guilt. I do have a video of me petting my cat. I wish I would have made more. But I'm glad I have one, and I'm glad I have pictures. I'm trying to do the same thing as you, planning on printing out photos and having some sort of album. And writing what she meant to me, and what I meant to her. I'm also glad, even though I didn't give her much as attention as I did in previous years, I didn't ignore her if she came up to me.

It's sad to say as humans sometimes it takes death to realize how much you forget that we loved our cats. Sorry about Peanut, I saw a picture of her. I don't know what type of a cat she was. Maybe she was more independent because you let her outdoors. Did she like being held? Would she eat out of your hand? Did you grow up with this cat? Did she personally like you? Did she come up to you on your own for attention? My cat was indoor only and she was always around us. She thought of herself as one of us. That's what makes a cat special. Maybe your cat did also.

I know what you mean by human nature, it's in our blood to be selfish. And it's inevitable we will just sin from time to time. So I'm trying to have a level of control against that. It's a thing I do feel guilty about, and I can't drop that. I'm still sort of having a war in my head over it. Thinking about it a lot and spacing out.
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480448 tn?1426948538
Hey, I just wanted to share something with you, as I thought about you right away yesterday.

We had an indoor/outdoor cat named Peanut.  He always came in at night and always came in for feeding time.  Sunday into Monday, he disappeared.  We had been looking everywhere for him.  My husband mentioned to me over the weekend that he hadn't been eating as much as usual, and I kind of shrugged it off, as he was a big hunter, so he didn't always eat every day.  I DID think when he told me that that I noticed he was doing some things a little out of the ordinary for him, like hanging out on the front porch versus the back patio.  By the time I thought hard about it, he was nowhere around, and while outdoor cats certainly have a habit of going on adventures, Peanut didn't really do that anymore, he stayed closer to home.  I just had a feeling in my gut that something wasn't right.

We found him deceased yesterday under the front porch.  He looked like he was just sleeping.  Now I'm plagued with all of the "what if" questions.  "What if I had watched him more closely?"  "What if I could have gotten him to the vet?"...and then of course, I remembered all of the times I shooed him away when he was being a pain, when I wasn't in the mood, wishing I could have those moments back to show him to love and affection he was looking for.

So, sweetie, I get it.  It's kind of ironic that this happened to me, right after I had been conversing with you about your situation.  I want you to understand that I too have a lot of regrets, and all of those same feelings, BUT even in my grief and sadness I know a few things.....

That ONE, I cannot change that he's gone.  TWO, while I may not have been the most perfect cat Mom, I know that most of the time, I gave him everything he needed and then some.  I know he was happy and lived a full life.  I don't feel at all that he would have been upset with me in those moments when I couldn't be bothered to give him a little pet...because there were plenty of other moments when I did.  Plus, like cats typically do, he sought attention mostly on HIS terms.  If HE wasn't in the mood and I sought him out for some QT, he would take off.  So, in reverse, *I* certainly don't have any negative feelings toward him for that..it just is what it is.

I just want you to know that I'm faced with the exact same emotions now.  I too am feeling sad because my cat is gone, and of COURSE, as a human, I have regrets.  We wouldn't be good people if we didn't constantly evaluate and reevaluate situations to see how we could have done better.  

But you better believe that even when we didn't always do right by our cats, they knew they were loved, and they knew we kept them safe, and fed.  I'm going to try to replace my "what if" thoughts with happier thoughts.  Were going to make a photo collage of Peanut to hang up, and I've changed my pc wallpaper to a picture of him.  Please know that I understand how you feel....just don't continue to torture yourself about all of the details okay?  You need to get out of your head on this a little bit.

Thinking of you....and I'm so in your shoes right now, which stinks, but one of the first things I thought of last night was that I wanted to share this with you.  I think it's important for you to realize that what you're feeling is normal, and that it's normal to have regrets.  That doesn't mean in ANY way that you didn't do right by your cat.  You have to stop thinking that way sweetie.

You HAVE to let the guilt go.  If you were a mean person, and abused her, or didn't feed her, and she starved to death, oh boy...you would have a reason to feel guilty.  But because you may have fallen short in your eyes with affection and time...that's not a reason to feel guilty.  We ALL get stuck in life and daily routines and we DONT normally think that our pets could die.  We do absolutely take for granted when they're here, but we do that with people too.  That IS human nature.  None of that makes you a bad person and I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.  I'm living it too and understand the feelings of regret, but I also can understand that it's a normal emotion and doesn't mean I didn't do wrong by my dear cat.
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Avatar universal
Correct some grammar mistakes:

What I did do was let my cat in my room, 2 weeks ago on Wednesday. For 2 hours.


When I was a kid, I didn't have my own room, I shared a room. So I spent a lot a time with my cat and loved her. What I'm saying about cat puke is, yeah you don't really want to clean it up. But you got to do it. Now to make sure I never thought that statement at all, I never even said I would be glad that my cat would be gone because of her puke. That is a dumb statement I said. I'll admit. I was just worried, what if I had. That is not true at all.
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