Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Forced anal sex

My boyfriend is forcing me to have anal sex with him. The thing that annoys me is that we'll just be laying there watching TV and he sits on top of me and starts kissing me then he takes my shirt and bra off and then my pants and underwear. He'll be in his boxers and so he pulls out his penis and puts it into my vagina. It hurts sometimes. When I scream he goes harder and faster, I tell him it hurts but he just goes harder and faster. How do I tell him to stop? I'm sure he'll keep forcing me to have anal sex with him. So how do I please him? What are the best positions? How do I know when I'm having an orgasm?
Best Answer
Avatar universal
If he's hurting you like that and making you have sex with him, that is rape. If you tell him it hurts and he ignores it, that is rape.

Don't waste your life on a person like that. I've dated guys that seemed sweet but had that one thing wrong with them before, it doesn't turn out well.
My advice is leave him and don't look back.
2 Comments
Exactly! In 2005 I had to leave my abusive common-law husband of six years to go to  a shelter for Abused women and their children.
One of the many abusive things he had done to me was forced his penis into my mouth even when I fought him off or said no
I did learn a lot at the shelter but I was still very young and naive. In the year 2013 I learned the hard way that I should have pressed charges I should have tried harder to get the police to arrest him and I should have kept my children away from him after he did those horribly abusive things to me.
If you press charges you will not only be helping yourself but any other future women who could possibly date this guy and have this happen to them..
#1 GETAWAYFROMHIM!!
He doesn't love you or he wouldn't treat you like this.
11 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
That's rape. You need to get out of there, ASAP
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Honey that is rape! If he's forcing you to do something sexual you don't want to do and isn't listening to you when you say it hurts..... That's not good!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
sounds like he is a bit freakier than you.  Tell him to cool it.  I think the situation you described sounds awesome, but not the anal part.  It should not hurt either of you or its not cool.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
How do I tell him to stop?

Screaming out in pain is asking to stop but if that's not working for you then actually scream 'STOP rape' and use the word rape so he gets the f****** hint if he doesn't like you saying that then you tell him well what am I supposed to say when you're not f****** stopping when I asked you to?
At one point in time when my ex husband was holding me down I actually was punching him with Fists in the side and he still wasn't stopping or letting me get up off the bed I don't know what part of stop he didn't f****** understand but it really drives me nuts when I hear about guys doing that because it happened to me! and I should have punched him in the face instead of the sides!

I'm sure he'll keep forcing me to have anal sex with him.

I think you mean ANY sex!

So how do I please him?
Honey sounds like he's pleasing himself, what you need to concentrate on is pleasing yourself not him and getting him to please you!


What are the best positions?

If you are going to continue to date this person, then I suggest you on top is the best position for right now. When you get to the point of him taking your pants off stand up fully and tell him you're not getting on the couch until he lies down first ,  straddle over top of him put your private parts right over his mouth and then put your private parts right over his waist line.


How do I know when I'm having an orgasm?

A long time ago I asked a really good girlfriend, I asked her the same question how do I know if I've had an orgasm????
Her answer to me was if you have to ask then you haven't had one yet
Now that I'm 38 I can look back and honestly say she was right and she gave the right answer!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My boyfriend is forcing me to have anal sex with him. The thing that annoys me is that we will just be laying there watching TV and he sits on top of me and starts kissing me then he takes my shirt and bra off and then my pants and underwear.


All right, I am going to stop you right here, this is the point where you should be saying NO how does he get your bra shirt and pants off???
Next time he does this you need to tell him 'no" and when he says "why not" say "the last few times I took my clothes off for you you ended up hurting me and I'm afraid you will do it again"

this is the exact moment that you should be telling him I am afraid you will hurt me and when I say no you don't stop and that's abuse  I don't want it to happen again so I no longer want to have sex with you out of fear

if that doesn't make him stop and he continues press criminal charges. If you can print out these messages so you can show the police that you tried to get help on tips to get him to stop without please help and it failed so now you're going to police route also prepare yourself as well that the police may not believe you.


He'll be in his boxers and so he pulls out his penis and puts it into my vagina.

This was a little confusing because the title said anal sex and now you're saying vagina which is not anal sex.

It hurts sometimes.

I am unsure about other woman but for me it's  normal for sex to hurt on occasion.  I have to try different positions and my current husband is a little bit on the large size, so I'm often saying ouch or ow, and everytime I do he immediately stops says sorry and tries to reposition us. This is a respectful relationship.

When I scream he goes harder and faster, I tell him it hurts but he just goes harder and faster.

Unless of course you are doing role-playing of a rape scene with consent then this is real rape and he needs to stop immediately
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What he is doing is rape.  There is no exception here.  When you say stop or tell him that he is hurting you and he doesn't stop that is rape.  I know,  I was married to someone who would bug me and beg for sex after I said no until I just gave in to shut him up.  Sometimes he would just start, pretty much how you described what your boyfriend does.   Sometimes I wanted it and I didn't say no exactly, but I made it clear that I didn't want it.  

He took advantage of the fact that I was young and inexperienced (he was 3 years older) and thought that this was how relationships were.   I thought that because we were married that whatever we did sexually was probably normal and I shouldn't complain.  

When I got a little older 25 to 28 I slowly stopped giving into him and eventually stopped altogether because his controlling behavior (which happened outside the bedroom as well) finally killed all my feelings for him.  

I didn't realize that I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship until after we divorced.   Once i dated normal men and saw the difference i realized how bad my ex really was to me.  

Think about these warning signs
- Does he hate your friends or act stupid,  annoying,  embarrassing so you stop bringing them around?
- Does he always want to know where you are? Her would probably say it's because he worries about you so much...
- Does he prefer to drive you and pick you up when you go places like work or to visit your friends or family?  
- Does he put you down or call you mean names when you get dressed up and do your makeup?
- Does he try to make you feel bad for him by telling you about his bad childhood or terrible experiences with past girlfriends.  
- Does he cry and tell you he only does those things because he loves you so much and is afraid to lose you?

If he does any of these things he might be trying to emotionally isolate you.   This will give him more control and you might start to accept how he is treating you as normal.

You need to get away from this guy.   At best he is pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to which is a form of rape.   At worst he is an abuser who is grooming you to accept more and more unacceptable behavior as normal.   You are already accepting sexuality abusive behavior including actual rape as part of your relationship because he is "sweet".

Please get out of that situation,  go to a family member,  a friend,  a women's shelter... anywhere is better than where you are.   I know it is scary and might feel like you are betraying him but in reality he had been betraying you all this time.   Please talk to someone in your life and ask for help.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Honestly, I don't think that the "does he always want to know where you are" thing is exactly a warning sign. I find myself doing this with my husband because of my horrible past relationships and my anxiety. My husband completely understands, thank goodness. I DO worry-a lot! Darn anxiety! Same with my children-I need to know where they are at all times, because in this day and age, you never know what will happen.
True I think the difference is that if you can admit to your spouse or children that the issue is safety and talk about it than this is okay. But if the issue is "oh I don't want you to be friends with that person" even though there's no risk of harm - then that is the real issue!
For example my daughter just turned 18 - if she supposed to come home from her new job at 8 p.m. and does so every day and then one day doesn't I'm going to worry! But if she tells me or leave me a note or text me "I won't be home right away tonight I'm going out with friends" then I know not to worry - it doesn't mean that I text her and say "what friends are you going out with? where you going? I don't want you hanging out with those friends?" like I may have when she was 12 it means I trust her that she is an adult and can make her own decisions and just hope that I've taught her safety concerns enough that she can take care of herself if something were to happen she would try to call or text me.
However I also have an ex-partner that would say yeah you can go out with those friends and then when it came time to go mysteriously the car would not be working I would have to rebook and my partner would have to take the car into the shop without me to get it fixed. When back, I would ask what was wrong with it where's the receipt? Oh not much don't worry about it I paid cash it wasn't that expensive. Hmmmm sometimes people are sneaky and they try to sabotage your relationships with other people in ways that you wouldn't suspect!
Avatar universal
Hi CH, First he has no right to what he is doing, in one way sounds like some of it is your fault, ever thought of just saying NO, and it stops here.
One thing he's no real lover, he's just forcing him self on you, sounds like he's off at the side working himself up then just jumps on you ready and hard. if that's the case that makes him ANGSOAB, he needs a sex education.
As for anal just say no, he's using you as a sex toy, he just wants you as his own play thing.
Not the way to go, best advice from me, Ditch the SOB.
Good Luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Not to be mean but that doesn't sound sweet sounds like he needs jail time
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He's a really sweet guy and I don't want to leave him. And I don't exactly tell him no.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
A really sweet guy would respect you. He doesn't sound like a "really sweet guy." Hun, you need to talk with him about this, and if he can't respect you or listen to how you feel about what he is doing, he is NOT sweet, and you need to end things.
This is understandable it's always hard to leave someone that you love even if they are abusive. We're not trying to make you feel guilty for loving this person we're just trying to tell you that you're worth more than what he's treating you as. If you truly love him and want to work things out before you just give up and leave, tell him you need to go to couples counseling - there are some really good Sexual Health Counselors out there and there's some really bad ones out there too so make sure you search around and like the person before you have your boyfriend attend with you. PS if you can't find one or afford their fees I'll do it for free online ;-) that way if you don't like my services at least you didn't pay anything! And I won't talk to him privately it would be three way calling or three-way emailing.
4725879 tn?1368826572
In all honesty hun if he's hurting you, & forcing his penis into you when you say no this is rape! I don't care you guys are together, that sh#t is not ok. You shouldn't want to please this guy. You should want to leave this guy.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Exactly! You are pleasing him by letting him continue to do this to you and not calling the police!!
you don't need to learn other tips to please him because apparently raping you does please him!! or else he would stop doing it!!!
I used to date a man like this and I'm telling you it's not worth it!!!
first it starts as a little bit of sex because he can't get enough of you because he loves you so much then it turns into a whole lot more and the next thing you know you have no friends no family no children and are completely traumatized and homeless!

I am now currently dating a man with a criminal record who I can honestly say has never Forced anything sexually or been sexually inappropriate to me or any other woman! My ex thinks that it's horrible I'm dating a guy that has a criminal record that is more respectful to me than he was!
I should have pressed charges and I now regret it
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Sexual Health Community

Top Sexual Health Answerers
139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
Avatar universal
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.