Introduction: Group Focus

[patient49]

Hi everyone,  so I figured I would provide this introductory thread as a guide for what we focus on, and what this group is intended for.

My intention with this group, and why I created it, is to hear what other people think about Sex and Love, because I think that a healthy dialog/conversation about it with lots of other people will help me understand what i am looking for and how I should approach it. So maybe it would help you too.

Love and sexual health is mysterious, I am finding, but something tells me that it can also be clear, and not so confusing/complicated.

Personally, I know I am wanting/needing love, and I've come to realize again and again that I want a meaningful relationship. BUT, because of my own insecurities perhaps, and because of my sex drive and all the sexiness out there I find myself thinking with my "libido".

But when I think with my libido I believe I am being desperate, immoral, selfish etc., and I feel guilty. And I feel good when I am being patient, and grateful, and think with my heart. In other words I feel good when I discipline myself and look at a girls face and think in terms of a meaningful relationship, love, companionship.. and not just sex.

So I believe it is clear to me that I should be looking for Love and not just Sex, but I still find it to be confusing and difficult.

So here are my questions, which I hope can be part of the focus of this group:

1) is it bad to have casual sex? to have a "fling"? to have Friends with benefits? Or does this distract us from finding  true love, or a meaningful relationship?

2) should we only try to pursue Love and a meaningful relationship, and not just sex?

Anyway, maybe I'll update more later but I just wanted to get this group out there to hear what others think and feel!

Thanks for joining and please feel free to be open and honest, as this is intended to make our love/sex lives healthier. :)

[patient49]

Hi James, Thank you for your post!! I appreciate it and your points.  and thanks for joining! :)

Ash

ps- I would write more but I came down with a cold and have been working so need to take it easy

[JamesC186282]

1) is it bad to have casual sex? to have a "fling"? to have Friends with benefits? Or does this distract us from finding  true love, or a meaningful relationship?

A: Good / Bad?    If you are into religion I think the majority say that casual sex is wrong.    I'm no expert.

I think there are a variety of reasons not to have casual sex.   STDs (disease) being one of them.  "
In 2008 researc showed that nearly 26% of young American women, who are aged between 14-19, happen to be infected with, at the very least, one of the four types of the most frequent STD infections.   1 in 4!  Thats staggering don't you think?   Are you going to make it a point to have your "casual" sex partner checked out by a doctor?  And if they are casual hooking up with someone(s) else?   I had a GF tell me right before we were considering being sexual list what I might catch.   Uhhh...  Guess what?  

You could also get or make someone pregnant.   If you have any morals directing you casual sex "can't" be casual because other then sterilization there is no 100% Birth control.   So doesn't that make it difficult to just have sex with "willing" partners.  Or at least make your life really complicated when your a parent or are making life and death decisions?   *That you may not be included in if your a hetro male partner.

Nothing - 75%
Vaginal Gels - 78%
Condoms 85%
Condoms (Female) 79%
Diaphragms 84%   *And these do nothing for STD protection
Cervical Cap between 75 & 80%  
The Sponge 84 to 68%
The Pill & the Patch %92
Injections 93%
Implants 99%
IUD 8 in 1000
Nothing.   85% will get pregnant with a year of Active sex.

if its 99% effective (Most aren't even that good) how long do you have to have sex to get pregnant?  I guess (I'm no Math wiz) but 100 times = pregnant once?   Serious stuff to ponder.

If your really worried about STDs then your stuck doing oral sex with dental dams (Kissing?)  Lets swap something.   You or your partner is wearing a condom.   Are you really sure your going to take all these steps every single time?   I think the answer is close to zero.

Have you thought how this might affect a real relationship?   By that I mean you meet "the one" and ask him/her to marry you.   The other person knows you've had a lot of casual sex.  If being exclusive (after marriage) means anything won't it be a problem that you have a history of frequent hook ups?   I would have some serious trust issues and I know I would probably not want to be one of too many.

2) should we only try to pursue Love and a meaningful relationship, and not just sex?

A: I think its all along the "who are you" and "What are you about" that answers this.  If its just about having a way to blow off sexual steam I would say "Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator"  This thing is 100% effective (I think)  ;-)


Anyway, maybe I'll update more later but I just wanted to get this group out there to hear what others think and feel!

Thanks for joining and please feel free to be open and honest, as this is intended to make our love/sex lives healthier. :)