am I been unreasonable

[spammy86]

I am 31weeks an shortly after I found I was pregnant my husband said he wasn't going to be doing the night time feeding during the week as he will have work an I won't this annoyed me an still does because I do not see why he can't at least help during the nights some nights no I am not goin to be working but I will be with the baby all day which is a full time job as is an then to do it all night as well he did say he would do weekends which for him would be only Friday ans Saturday. He also said he wouldn't change nappies but I managed to change his mind about that an has agreed to do that but I jus feel he's not going to want to help much an when I bring up the subject of night feeds he gets stressed an says he's not doin it that he's working all week. In a couple of weeks he will be starting a new job which could involve traveling as far as peterhead which is about 3 hours away from were we live an because it's Nov I'm due I'm worried he could be there when I go into Labour an also it will b winter an the roads there ain't the best an I'm worried everything is goin to be left for me to sort out an look after the baby almost like a single parent

[launicalourdes]

Being a breast feeding momma myself my hubby gets the first couple of months off lol, but after I switch them to formula he does help. He doesn't always do the nightly feedings as he works, but he understand that I do need help at least a couple times a well. I'm sure once you have your little one your hubby will be a bit more understanding and will want to spend time with the baby. Good luck! :)

[TiffB831]

Oh ok. I have a better understanding now.  See you didn't say anything about how you two were raised.  I get it now.  That's probably exactly it.  Well, at least you have an idea of why he thinks that.  If he loves you he'll help out!! Regardless of how he was raised.  Just because he was raised one way doesn't mean he has to be a product of that environment.  He makes his own choices now and he can choose to do exactly the opposite of how his father did if he wanted to, but that has to come from him.  Nothing you can do to change that.

You'll be fine.. good luck..

[spammy86]

Hey thanks for yr advice. I don't think it's not that he hasn't bonded with or came round to the idea of been a Dad I no he is scared of dropping it even those he has held and Fed his mate's kids an he does cuddle kiss an talk to it even though he feels stupid don't get me wrong I think he would make an awesome Dad jus well I think it's more to do with he grew up in a house were his dad didn't feed or change nappies that was his mum and I grew up in a house were my dad did as much as mum an he's scared he will sleep in an he's is leaving a job he's wanted out of since b4 we met an now this job is a step up in IT an with a car company an car's are his passion. He has told his new boss that we are expecting a baby in Nov because he won't be there long he is not entitled to paternity but will have worked enough to take a 2 week holiday.

Yes there is LOT of boys in that house lol

[TiffB831]

I understand where you're coming from. First of all, I'll give you a little of my background.  I'm not married yet, me and my boyfriend live about 15 minutes away from each other.  I live at home with mom and brother and he lives with his 2 kids (ages 4 and 6) and his older brother who also has a 1 year old.  (Yes, a lot of boys in that household tell me about it).  

We are pregnant with his first baby girl.  It's hard for him because he actually wants to be there every night with her and help take care of her, however he just started a new job as a truck driver and he's away Monday thru Friday.  I've been feeling alone since I found out I was pregnant.  We don't live together which makes it hard because we can't spend our nights together right now. (I respect my mother's house, too much..it's a personal thing)...

Anyway, I feel as though, your husband will come around.  When he sees that baby he's going to want to do everything for her.  It could just be the simple fact that he doesn't feel the connection with the baby yet and is still trying to process it all.  Although he will be starting a new job, he can still let that employer know that he's expecting a baby in November and that he will need to come home when it's time.  I think you two will be just find.  I don't think you're being unreasonable, it sounds like he just isn't sure of himself yet since he keeps using "work" as an excuse.

Just know that you and your baby will have all the bonding time in the world and you personally won't miss out on any and all special moments, but I believe he will come around so don't give up on him or get frustrated... Just give him time...

Hope This Helps... Tiff