Kids and Sex

[MeliaF]

I had my friends kids over on Saturday while the adults went on a boat trip and when we returned her daughter (5yrs) was upset because my mother in law spanked her for something she had done. While taking my mother in law home she explained to my husband and I that the 5 yr old had taken our 3 yr old son in the bedroom and locked the door, undressed our 3 yr old son and began playing " husband and wife" . I am not sure how to react to this or if there is something I should do. Her father came over the next day and apologized and said he would have a talk with her. Is this enough?

[TTinKKerBBell]

with all due respect, it was not made clear that there was any behavior beyond undressing.  Playing husband and wife 'could' be innocent play (as in playing 'mommy and daddy') and undressing could also be innocent depending on what kind of interaction this very young 5 year old has seen in Her own home.  I didn't take this to mean there was "imitation of sex" but rather undressing with Her little Brother.  If there was 'imitation of sex" I totally missed that and of course if there was imitation of sex You must look into this further
I do think this should be 'handled' delicately (not spanking) and if this little Girl has in fact been molested, She is a victim - at 5 years old She's barely beyond babyhood HerSelf - 5 is not very much older than 3.

[specialmom]

BTW, child upon child molestation is a very common occurrence after a child has been molested.  It's a vicious cycle and very sad.  A parents role is to step in and stop the cycle.

Children naturally explore and do stumble upon sensation that feels good.  But when it is conducted like sex between a man and a woman at five, that is not where kids naturally go at that age.  Imitating sex would mean they've seen sex.  

[coulditbemagic_19]

Yes I agree with you 100% there.  Children minick what they see and if it isn't stopped now the cycle will carry on.

[specialmom]

Oh, I couldn't disagree more.  I would be horrified if a 5 year old took a 3 year old into a room and undressed them and played 'husband and wife' with them which I take from the code is being sexual with them. That is a sign that the 5 year old has been molested OR seen their parents having sex or something on tv as that is far more sexual than just playing house.  

In our house, playing husband and wife would mean that one kid would pretend to make dinner while the other pretended to mow the lawn.  NOT naked in a room behind locked doors.  

Beyond inappropriate and I would be very concerned about the 5 year old and why they are sexualized to that extent.  I think talking to them is important.

And I'm not a spanker but I would have a major issue with a child taking my child's clothes off behind a locked door.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

Who's Father apologized for what????

This 5 year old behavior is perfectly natural and NOT alarming.  Children model behavior They see or hear from the adults in Their lives.  I would be more upset that GrandMa spanked my 5 year old and made such an issue of something I see as perfectly harmless and natural.  This Child would most likely move on to other play if the Adults in Her life don't make this such an issue.

[Jordybear1016]

I have done this before but we did not strip

[specialmom]

I agree that the 5 year old is also a young child.  Kids that act out sexually at that age toward another child most definitely are innocent in that they don't understand the implications of what they are doing.

I think taking the clothes off a child behind closed doors and the way this post was written would make any parent apprehensive.  I would not allow ANY child to do that without being reprimanded.  I never have spanked my kids but I would be made very clear that we do not touch another person's clothes or private parts and they do not touch ours.  Five year olds do go to kindergarten and do have some sense of right and wrong.  they are preschoolers at that age and not toddlers.  At the very least, the child who would lock a door and undress another child should not be left alone without adult supervision with other kids, especially younger ones.  

I am not saying this little girl is a monster.  Not at all.  I feel badly for her because it sounds like she has seen something or heaven forbid been involved in something.  

Kids do wacky things but there are patterns that are semi common after certain experiences.  This is a red flag that the parents of this little girl need to take very seriously.  At the least, talk to her to make sure nothing has happened to her, talk to her to see where this activity has stemmed from (does SHE have older kids she is alone with for example?), etc.  And then clear, firm boundaries need to be set so that other kids don't have this.  

With the three year old, I would minimize the event.   That child IS a toddler and I'd just move on.  If the parents then see the 3 year old acting out sexually, then they address it.  

Perhaps I read this whole thing wrong but taking off another child's clothes to play husband and wife is a pretty big clue that the activity was highly inappropriate and beyond what a typical 5 year old would come up with.  House?  Sure.  Even if she'd taken his pants off and pretended to change a diaper.  But 'husband and wife' being naked is not typical unless the poor little girl is sexualized.  That's so sad!!  

I feel for any parent that is on either end of a situation like this!!

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, children learn things from their lifes experience and mimic things they are being exposed to from either TV or other means. I think talking to the girl is advisable but i would also find out why she is interested in acting out this role and more specific how does she know about this as 5 years old is very young to be doing this. Find out exactly what went on and consider the 3 year olds influence about this.