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Am I too attached?
I think I may be too attached to my boyfriend. I know I miss him always, but today I'm realizing that I think I may be too attached to him. Ok so he hurt his foot a while back ago and didn't let it really heal, so on Sunday [July 22] he hurt it again. So he didn't go to work on Monday and he was off yesterday and today and he wont be at work tomorrow either. So I haven't seen him since Sunday night. Monday night didn't bother me because I never see him on Monday's because of work. I didn't see him last night either because he was in too much pain and I told him not to come see me. And now tonight I wont see him again, because I'm the one telling him he needs to rest so he can getting better. I now find myself crying at work because I can't see him tonight and I probably wont see him until Saturday. He knows I'm crying, he knows I'm sad and that I need to see him, so he tells me he will come see me tonight. But I tell him no, because he has to get better that he is more important don't worry about me. But deep down inside I need to see him. I get this lonely depressed feeling where the only thing that will make me better is if I see my boyfriend, even if I only see him for 10 mins. Tonight I know when we talk on the phone I know 100% sure I will cry because I miss him too much.
I know that couples don't have to see each other everyday, I know that. But it's just that we are SO close in our relationship I get weird feeling if I can't be with him. It was a major adjustment in our relationship when he started having to work Saturday's because we would be with each other every Saturday from 10am-12am next morning. I still feel weird not being able to see him on Saturday until he gets out of work at 11pm but its getting better.
My mom says time apart in any relationship is healthy, I know that. But being as close as we are, it feels weird being away from him. We have been together now just a little over 5 months and since we started dating we have talked EVERY single day. There hasen't been a day yet that we haven't talked. In the mornings when I'm at work he messages me on my cellphone and we talk until he goes to work at 2pm. Then throughout the day we will text each other until I go home from work at 5pm. I go home, and then when he has a break at work he calls me and we spend sometimes an hour on the phone, and then we talk again like an hour later. He tells me everyday like 100 times a day that he loves me, and I do the samething. To me this feels right. Being away from him, I can't handle it. I mean the week of July 4th this year he practiclly lived with me because my family was on vacation and I didn't go. We acted as if we were married we still act as though were married. I had to do chores around the house to keep it neat and he helped me! He helped me with the laundry, making the beds everything even food shopping.
How can I get myself to not be so attached to him? I know I will always be attached, but I don't want to be at the point where I'm crying on the phone with him needing him to be with me, which I have done already. Help!!!
Niki
I know that couples don't have to see each other everyday, I know that. But it's just that we are SO close in our relationship I get weird feeling if I can't be with him. It was a major adjustment in our relationship when he started having to work Saturday's because we would be with each other every Saturday from 10am-12am next morning. I still feel weird not being able to see him on Saturday until he gets out of work at 11pm but its getting better.
My mom says time apart in any relationship is healthy, I know that. But being as close as we are, it feels weird being away from him. We have been together now just a little over 5 months and since we started dating we have talked EVERY single day. There hasen't been a day yet that we haven't talked. In the mornings when I'm at work he messages me on my cellphone and we talk until he goes to work at 2pm. Then throughout the day we will text each other until I go home from work at 5pm. I go home, and then when he has a break at work he calls me and we spend sometimes an hour on the phone, and then we talk again like an hour later. He tells me everyday like 100 times a day that he loves me, and I do the samething. To me this feels right. Being away from him, I can't handle it. I mean the week of July 4th this year he practiclly lived with me because my family was on vacation and I didn't go. We acted as if we were married we still act as though were married. I had to do chores around the house to keep it neat and he helped me! He helped me with the laundry, making the beds everything even food shopping.
How can I get myself to not be so attached to him? I know I will always be attached, but I don't want to be at the point where I'm crying on the phone with him needing him to be with me, which I have done already. Help!!!
Niki
WAIT WAIT WAIT GUYS ME TOO. I searched this question up on the internet and this came up and I relate so much to nicki. I am the exact same way. I just spent 30 min crying bc I missed him so much, which led me to look this up. I too thought I was the only one. Some of the comments made me upset because they made me feel like it was wrong for being this way but now I see there’s married couples that have lasted long long long times by being this way and that gives me hope! I really do think he is my life and I can’t see a future without him because I too am bad with change!
1 Comments
Welcome to the forum. Glad you found us tucked away on the internet!! :<) I don't think anyone should make you feel bad for how you are. They are offering food for thought though. Most psychologists discuss what is healthiest for a relationship. INTERdependence is generally considered healthiest over being dependent. That doesn't mean it's a problem to miss your partner when you aren't with them. But crying and not feeling like you want to do anything without them is probably not healthy and would indicate needing to get 'happier' with yourself. If either side makes the other feel like they can't go off on their own to do things, it usually causes that person to feel stifled and ends the relationship. So, keep that in mind. But no one can be right or wrong for how they feel. They are feelings. We are all works in progress. Getting to the point that you can handle your emotions without tears when not with your partner is a good thing but it doesn't mean you are wrong to prefer being with him. good luck
Hey ! I was reading your story and I noticed this was 10 years ago, I too am starting to feel sad when I can't see my boyfriend and I am the age you were when you had this problem. So now that you're 10 years older, how did everything work out? If you don't mind me asking!
How does he feel about seeing you all the time? You may end up pushing him away if he notices you are crying or upset whenever he is not around. I would suggest that you get yourself into another hobby or something with your own group of friends so that your mind is not constantly on him all the time
So I'm in college and my boyfriend is 3 and a half hours away at home so we are used to not seeing eachother because this is my second year here but this year he went on his annual hunting trip with his family and he is gone for a week. No calling no texting nothing... the only thing that gets me through not getting to see him is that at least I can talk to him but now I have nothing and it's only like the second day since he left. We both love eachother a lot but of course he is hunting and having fun and not really thinking about me I know but then I'm sitting here just dazed and depressed because I don't know what to do. My roommate is gone and outside of her I don't have friends here. He asked me to write him a letter everyday of what I did but telling him all I did was lay in bed and cry thinking about him doesn't sound like a good letter.... So yeah if anyone ever finds a way to get over this please inform me because I hate my life right now
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ha, that is really funny msniki!! I always wonder what happens to folks so thank so much for the update! Glad life is working out for ya!!
Lol, this post was almost 5 years ago!!!! It was werid that I saw it today. I must say...I don't feel the same way I did 5 years ago! We now live together...and I see too much!!! Just kidding!
And yes we are still together and engaged since 2011. Still going strong.
Thank you everybody
And yes we are still together and engaged since 2011. Still going strong.
Thank you everybody
Hey Kris. I know how you feel in regards to missing your boyfriend. Spending a day without mine is really hard. However, it's really important to spend time with your friends as well, even if you don't particularly want to at first. Get in touch with some of the ones you don't speak to much anymore - explain to them if you have to, that you've been caught up with being with him and are sorry for letting things slip with them a bit. Turn your phone off when you're out to avoid the temptation to see if he's texted or called you.
I get quite sensitive with my boyfriend, and read into everything he says. What I do is just push it away. If logically you know that he's not making a dig at you, and that confronting him about it will just lead to an argument, forget it. It'll be hard, but I've found that half an hour later it's just too much energy for me to keep going over it in my head and I move on.
It's only been ten months - it's not too late to rebuild your relationship with your friends. You could also join a club or activity and make new friends there. Even if you like something as everyday as reading, there are book clubs.
The main thing is to to just make a concentrated effort to make things better. Why not share these worries with him as well? If he treats you as well as you say, he'll understand, and appreciate that you're trying to make things better, and that he can't be the only thing in your life.
I hope things work out okay. <3
I get quite sensitive with my boyfriend, and read into everything he says. What I do is just push it away. If logically you know that he's not making a dig at you, and that confronting him about it will just lead to an argument, forget it. It'll be hard, but I've found that half an hour later it's just too much energy for me to keep going over it in my head and I move on.
It's only been ten months - it's not too late to rebuild your relationship with your friends. You could also join a club or activity and make new friends there. Even if you like something as everyday as reading, there are book clubs.
The main thing is to to just make a concentrated effort to make things better. Why not share these worries with him as well? If he treats you as well as you say, he'll understand, and appreciate that you're trying to make things better, and that he can't be the only thing in your life.
I hope things work out okay. <3
Did anyone ever reply to you about this? I'm in the same situation. I don't know what to do with myself during my free time away from him. It hurts when I'm not with him but I know I need to be without him sometimes or I will drive myself crazy! We work together and always talk on IM and then talk after work and talk before we go to bed. We aren't as affectionate as we were when we first started dating (about 10 months ago). I stopped talking to all of my friends to where I don't really have any, anymore. Most of them now have kids and are married which is the reason I was hanging out with him everyday. When I do hang out with other people, I'm constantly checking my phone and if he doesn't text or call me while I'm out, I think he doesn't care about me. I'm losing my mind. I can't take this anymore. We fight everyday because I can't handle "jokes" because I'm so sensitive with him. Please, this is my cry for help. I've never been with someone that has meant so much to me and has treated me so well. I'm going to lose him if I don't change myself now. I'll take all the prayers I can get.
Hey everyone,
I just finished reading all of these posts after discovering this website while googling ways to become less attached. I am in the same exact situation at you, ellie90, except I've always had a difficult time making friends. I've been feeling very depressed and anxious lately and I think this morning I finally realized that my problem is that I'm too attached on my boyfriend. I find myself thinking about him all of the time - to the point where I can't even focus on other things! I feel like I've lost my own identity and things I used to like to do seem dull and lonely. Like ellie90, my boyfriend is a very independent person. He's career focused and doesn't mind if we don't talk or see each other everyday. He has what he calls "preferential option." He prefers to see me but he's good if we spend time apart, too. That seems so reasonable to me, but I am having the absolute hardest time trying to make myself do things on my own.
What did you ladies do to preoccupy yourselves? What do you do when you're alone? I can only read and watch TV and study for so long before I fall back into this awful loneliness. How long does this take to go away?!
I would love to hear all of your insights!
I just finished reading all of these posts after discovering this website while googling ways to become less attached. I am in the same exact situation at you, ellie90, except I've always had a difficult time making friends. I've been feeling very depressed and anxious lately and I think this morning I finally realized that my problem is that I'm too attached on my boyfriend. I find myself thinking about him all of the time - to the point where I can't even focus on other things! I feel like I've lost my own identity and things I used to like to do seem dull and lonely. Like ellie90, my boyfriend is a very independent person. He's career focused and doesn't mind if we don't talk or see each other everyday. He has what he calls "preferential option." He prefers to see me but he's good if we spend time apart, too. That seems so reasonable to me, but I am having the absolute hardest time trying to make myself do things on my own.
What did you ladies do to preoccupy yourselves? What do you do when you're alone? I can only read and watch TV and study for so long before I fall back into this awful loneliness. How long does this take to go away?!
I would love to hear all of your insights!
Hi Nikki and to all the girls who thought they were the only ones who feel that way.
I am like you. I'm in a two year relationship with my boyfriend to whom I feel like I love so much. I consider myself an extrovert and prior to meeting him, I used to really spend a lot of time with friends. But when we got together, suddenly most of my time was spent with him. All my emotions were suddenly focused on him. We see each other almost every day. I got too attached to the point that I get lonely when he's not with me. Like you girls, since I always expect to see you him everyday, whenever we don't, I feel really upset to the point that I cry. After two years, I still feel this way. It has changed a bit. I now enjoy time with other people. But just the same, I get upset when I don't see him in a day. He doesn't mind it. But unlike your guys, he's not like me - he doesn't mind if we don't see each other on a particular day. He's a typical guy who's career focused. I know that he loves me so much as well but he's not the needy type. Sometimes it really upsets me. I don't think I wanna feel like this forever though. It affects my productivity at work.
I'd like to know how you girls are. How long can this feeling last? I'm so happy when he's here but gets lonely when he's not. How can I change this and make myself feel better?
I would really appreciate your replies.
I am like you. I'm in a two year relationship with my boyfriend to whom I feel like I love so much. I consider myself an extrovert and prior to meeting him, I used to really spend a lot of time with friends. But when we got together, suddenly most of my time was spent with him. All my emotions were suddenly focused on him. We see each other almost every day. I got too attached to the point that I get lonely when he's not with me. Like you girls, since I always expect to see you him everyday, whenever we don't, I feel really upset to the point that I cry. After two years, I still feel this way. It has changed a bit. I now enjoy time with other people. But just the same, I get upset when I don't see him in a day. He doesn't mind it. But unlike your guys, he's not like me - he doesn't mind if we don't see each other on a particular day. He's a typical guy who's career focused. I know that he loves me so much as well but he's not the needy type. Sometimes it really upsets me. I don't think I wanna feel like this forever though. It affects my productivity at work.
I'd like to know how you girls are. How long can this feeling last? I'm so happy when he's here but gets lonely when he's not. How can I change this and make myself feel better?
I would really appreciate your replies.
I would love to know if you are still with the same guy now?
I'm clingy with my boyfriend and we see each other every night but we are still both independent and have very full lives seperatley from each other as well. We feel the same way about each other so we need each other the same and look after one another equally, which makes it a really strong relashionship, hope you have found happiness anyway.
Rubie
I'm clingy with my boyfriend and we see each other every night but we are still both independent and have very full lives seperatley from each other as well. We feel the same way about each other so we need each other the same and look after one another equally, which makes it a really strong relashionship, hope you have found happiness anyway.
Rubie
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think when we love someone, it is natural to want to be with them. That is different than NEEDING to be with them or having to be with them to feel okay. So spend as much time with your fiance as you want as long as you don't have to be emotionally okay. It would concern me a little bit if I wanted to do things outside of my relationship and my fiance was opposed to it. good luck
Hi, like the last two ppl I thought I was the only one who felt like u do Niki. It's really good to know that I'm not the only one. I do believe I'm am WAY to attached to my fiance, but the thing is he loves spending as much time wtih me as I want to spend with him! but I also agree that I need my own space and so does he, but he tends to diagree with this and tells me that space will only make us grow apart and when we get married we'll be spending even more time together so he doesn't understand the space concept - I'm goin to try ad make him see that it will make our relationship stronger, not weaker. Thank's Niki for asking this question, u helped me and all the other ladies to :)
Hey nikki i'm also the same way with my boyfreind. Me and Joel have been together for about 2 years and it's now that i thought i was going crazy lol.... boyfreinditous! I thought i was the only one that felt the way i felt in this world ......from the moment i wake up till the time i go to sleep i am always thinking about him and missing him. When we are together and it's time for him to drop me off i get real sad even though we just finish having a great day...i usualy see myself asking him to take me to the store so i can buy some candy when we are like half way to my house just to spent more time with him even though i alraedy know he will take the long way to my house like he always dose. There just something about mi love that has me toooo attached to him! I talked to him the other day about it and told him that i need to talk to him seriously about something i think is going out of hand....he got scared but then when i expressed myself to him he said it was cute and i got upset because it's realy not cute.....i just dont know how to back off......I NEED HELP!!!!!! I'm feeling selfish and like i'm a hogger!
My fiencee and i are the same way and we have been together almost three years (we were best friends for over a year before that). I was glad when i read your post cuz we r the same way and i was wondering if other people were like that and i guess there are some people like that. He is clingy to me to a point and im clingy to him to a point. we still go to work and stuff without each other but after work i hang out with him for a few hours and when its time for me to go home he begs me to just stay a little longer and i do then i really go home and i find i miss him and go see him again about 1 1/2 hours later. we just really love each other. we r moving in together on sept 5!!! should be great! I pretty much em living with him now though. I have to stay the night to wake him up in the morning cuz his mom is outa state for 3 weeks and his brothers all get up at diff times and forget to wake him up for work, (he is deaf) that is why i wake him up. anyways sorry fopr the ramble i just thought it was cool i found someone who is like us. well u can write back if ya want if not then o well. have fun! Have a great 6 month anniversary 2!!!!!!
Hey ladies. Thanks for all the advice. I know I was WAY to clingy, and my boyfriend and I talked about this the other night. He doesn't mind that I ALWAYS like to be with him, because he says he feels the same way towards me. That he is much happier when he is with me, the same way I feel towards him. I think because he is only my second REAL boyfriend that I have ever had in my life, I think thats my reason on being clingy. My last REAL boyfriend I had was when I was 11 and he was 14. We were together for 3 years. After that relationship ended horrible, I never had another boyfriend again until now. All the other guys I've been with were never a boyfriend, they were just there when I wanted to hang out and have fun. Those guys I never invited to my house for family birthday's or family gatherings, because they weren't like that. My guy now, he has been to my house many of times. He was there for my birthday with my family and last night was my mother's birthday [she turned 45 yay!] and he picked me up from work, we drove and picked up my mother's birthday cake and he even bought her flowers for her birthday!!!! How sweet he is! As you may see thats why I'm a bit too clingy. We are approching our 6 month anniversary on 8/17 and I'm a nervous wreck! He treats me like an absolute princess, sometimes a little too well. I do however have the greatest fear that my crying is going to push him away someday, even though he tells me that I will never ever push him away because he loves me too much to ever lose me and that he doesn't ever want to live without me. Awwww, god I love him!!!
Sorry for the long ramble, but it just had to be said. Thanks to all that may read this.
Niki
Sorry for the long ramble, but it just had to be said. Thanks to all that may read this.
Niki
if a guy was crying to me that he could not stand to be away i would probably RUN!!! i'm glad you are happy and your boyfriend and you have gotten back into your routine.:)
if he likes your being clingy to that extent you better hang onto him! most guys i know would panic.
you sound just a little obsessed.
sometimes it is not a bad thing to make time for yourself, even when you normally would be with him, and maybe really want to. it shows both of you that you don't have to be with him. believe me that bit of independence is ever so valuable sometimes. i know you do stuff with your friends sometimes, but you have set yourself up to expect a routine.
my signifigant other has OCD and if you disrupt his pattern he gets out of whack. to kind of nip that in the bud before i felt smothered i told him "sometimes i just need time to do nothing" and that was just what i meant. i just wanted to go wherever, do whatever and hang out with whomever. no plans and no set in stone routine. if we ended up together that night Great, if not, i'd see him the next day. it helped him realize life is not always scheduled. things come up, and we have more fun together if every waking moment isn't spent worrying about what the other is up to.
we live together now and are expecting twins in a couple months. we still go do things apart. it's just healthy and normal. if you over stimulate each other that spark will burn out too quick. if it is "real" love then you have forever together. take your time.
sorry it's so long. i seem wordy tonight .oops :)
if he likes your being clingy to that extent you better hang onto him! most guys i know would panic.
you sound just a little obsessed.
sometimes it is not a bad thing to make time for yourself, even when you normally would be with him, and maybe really want to. it shows both of you that you don't have to be with him. believe me that bit of independence is ever so valuable sometimes. i know you do stuff with your friends sometimes, but you have set yourself up to expect a routine.
my signifigant other has OCD and if you disrupt his pattern he gets out of whack. to kind of nip that in the bud before i felt smothered i told him "sometimes i just need time to do nothing" and that was just what i meant. i just wanted to go wherever, do whatever and hang out with whomever. no plans and no set in stone routine. if we ended up together that night Great, if not, i'd see him the next day. it helped him realize life is not always scheduled. things come up, and we have more fun together if every waking moment isn't spent worrying about what the other is up to.
we live together now and are expecting twins in a couple months. we still go do things apart. it's just healthy and normal. if you over stimulate each other that spark will burn out too quick. if it is "real" love then you have forever together. take your time.
sorry it's so long. i seem wordy tonight .oops :)
talk about clingy!! whoa. you need to give your bf some space... even reading your post was overwhelming. i know that you're in love and the relationship is still new, but it sounds too me that you are way too attached. you were falling apart when you couldn't see him, those are not good signs.
I'm just saying, the wild happiness ride will end eventually. No one can sustain that.
bip:
Yeah I am doing better, I think what happened was that I went "cold turkey" without seeing him for 1 week. As I have said I am so totally not good with change, it takes me a lil while to feel ok about a change. But I guess it is different when your married for a long time, I guess you get tired of one another sometimes...lol
I'll be like that for sure in the future I bet! lol
Anyways, things are normal again. I get to see my boyfriend tonight and tomorrow. Tonight we are seeing The Simpson's movie...WOOO!!!!!!! And tomorrow he is coming to my house for my mom's birthday. So yay!
And yes keep me posted on your results. I sure hope you feel better soon.
peekawho:
Yes I'm happy again, but I guess that was meant to be scarstic. Oh wells...
Yeah I am doing better, I think what happened was that I went "cold turkey" without seeing him for 1 week. As I have said I am so totally not good with change, it takes me a lil while to feel ok about a change. But I guess it is different when your married for a long time, I guess you get tired of one another sometimes...lol
I'll be like that for sure in the future I bet! lol
Anyways, things are normal again. I get to see my boyfriend tonight and tomorrow. Tonight we are seeing The Simpson's movie...WOOO!!!!!!! And tomorrow he is coming to my house for my mom's birthday. So yay!
And yes keep me posted on your results. I sure hope you feel better soon.
peekawho:
Yes I'm happy again, but I guess that was meant to be scarstic. Oh wells...
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