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I had sex with my uncle

First of all, I know how wrong this is and all, so I just want to say that I'm here to see if anyone out there is kind enough to help me. So anyways, here's the story of how it happened:

My mom's parents got divorced when she was little, and bc of this my family was never close to my grandpa. He remarried and had two more kids with his new wife, but the oldest die, so I never knew him, and that was when my grandpa got very sick. My family started visiting more and more often, and that was when I met his second son (the uncle I slept with).

Back then I was 17 and he was 21, and from the beginning we hit it off pretty good, bc we both had just gotten out of relationships, we became good friends and we did everything together, we went to dinner, to the movies, to get coffee, etc., so last Christmas we took a vacation together with some friends, we were both single, so we thought we'd share a room. I would just like to point out that when all this happened I was 20 and he was 24.

Anyways, we went to the beach, and one afternoon I got super drunk, and he was just kinda wasted, so when we got back to our room he went into the bathroom and I laid on the bed, and he came back and laid down too, at which point I decided to cuddle up to him (bc this was something we always did, we'd cuddle up watching tv and stuff but it never got weird or inappropriate), so I had my head against his chest, and he had his arms around my waste, and I can't remember how it happened but one minute we were cuddling and falling asleep and the other we were making out.

So after a while of making out, things got heavier, and next thing I know we were having sex. I don't remember much seeing how I was so drunk, but I do remember us promising that we wouldn't let things get weird between us, but of course the did, and we don't talk a lot any more.

I'm just feeling so guilty, and I don't know what to do, bc I wish I could take it back, I know if I hadn't been drunk I would've never done it.
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1999441 tn?1589741765
It happened, you were drunk so not exactly able to to think clearly.  It happened once, we all make mistakes and if we spend our lives thinking about how terrible we were for doing something it is going to mess up your whole life.  I say get over it and get on with your life.  
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Avatar universal
I was in a similar situation some years ago, though mine was a more deliberate one because we repeated it time and again. But when it dawned on me to stop the ungodly deed, I sat down with the girl and told her exactly how disgusted I now feel. She saw reasons with me and we both agreed to stop. And to ensure we don't fall into the temptation again, we stopped seeing each other, just phone calls.
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Avatar universal
I don't think you need to beat yourself up about this. I feel for you because you seem to have instantly regretted it, and now there is distance between you and someone you felt safe with. This happens more often than people admit. It's also important that he is your half uncle because you may share about the same amount of DNA as a cousin, which isn't all that much. Some people marry their cousins. I don't think what you did was sick and that you NEED help because of what you did. However if you DECIDE you do need help forgiving yourself and processing your feelings it may be easier to find a therapist through psychologytoday.com rather than ask your doctor for a referral and he/she asks, "Well what problems are you having?" I imagine I may want to see someone who specializes in sexual/relationship therapy, even sex addiction if they would take you, because I understand that sex addiction is NOT your problem and I don't know if you have to be an actual addict to see a therapist who holds that specialty. At least you would know they have heard many stories about sex that are taboo before yours. That's just a bit of my silly logic.

If you don't want to spend the money on therapy I totally understand that, too. In that case I may wait until I am in a relationship until trying to reconnect with this beloved family member. It would just be easier for me to feel like a boundary was established that way. I think if you both really regretted that night to the point where you were basically traumatized it may take time and distance. I hope you can reconnect in the upcoming phases of life. I'm not sure if you ever talked about what happened, or if he remembers exactly who or what instigated the event from his perspective. If the distance is killing you, perhaps just reaching out and asking him if he can clarify what happened can help bring closure. Goodness knows horomones and alcohol can make things hazzy and things seem to happen so fast. I hesitate to wonder if he wants distance because part of him may want that type of interaction again, and he feels badly about those feelings. There would be no shame or weakness in processing exactly how YOU feel with a therapist if you have the time and are willing to make the investment, and I do believe it would give you confidence and tools to help repair the relationship if/when the time is right for you. Seriously, try not to feel terrible for making what most people would consider to be a mistake. We all make mistakes. We aren't all brave enough to admit and confront them. I think you are being very brave, and maybe it isn't even a mistake as much as something that happened that you regretted. That's all up to you to decide. Peace and love.
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Avatar universal
Please don't worry too much. He is your half-uncle. Depending on your country, you would even be allowed to marry and have children.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/10/30/half-unclehalf-niece-marriages-are-valid-under-n-y-law/

Apparently, the genetic risk for offspring is similar to first cousin marriages, and those are no longer deemed problematic.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
BTW: In some places, like Canada, you could even marry a full uncle.
1029273 tn?1472231494
Hi,

Well, I think at this point you should probably consider trying to get closure on this incident before too much time passes.  Now would be a good time to approach your uncle, in a private setting (alone), and come to terms with what happened.  He's probably feeling just as guilty as you are about this.  Maybe before you meet w/ him, write down all your feelings and thoughts that you would like to get off your chest ~ this can help prepare you for what you want to say to him.  Things may be forever changed between the two of you, but at least you can move forward in life once you've made your peace with him...

Another idea to consider would be seeking advice from a family therapist.  It's not uncommon for family therapists to help family members resolve issues of incestuous relationships.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope that you are able to get things cleared up soon.
Good Luck
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
These two are good options when there are problems relating to incestuous relationship.
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