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I'm wondering if anyone has the compulsion to gag oneself?

I have had OCD since I was young, about 10-12 years old I can remember. I have an obsession regarding counting objects/people/anything in my line of sight basically in multiples of three. It has always been inside of my head, never aloud, the only behavior that was visible in combination with this counting is foot tapping and/or finger tapping and grinding my teeth. I usually do this in response to feeling anxious, having a fear that I have said/done something wrong and also just general anxiety. I have always been able to manage this and have considered it as a mild annoyance most times. But recently, about the last 9-12 months or so, I have developed a new compulsion that has been scaring me. Every morning I brush my teeth, I gag myself 9 times. I'm not trying to make myself vomit at all, I just feel the urge to gag myself and have been doing it every morning and don't feel like I can stop it or have a choice. I can't imagine that it is good for my stomach and I also carry a lot of shame and disgust with it. It's also not in regards to feeling afraid that something bad will happen if I don't do it, but after speaking with my therapist a bit, figured out it seems to stem from a feeling like I deserve to be punished because I am "bad" or "not good enough" and it also provides a very brief sense of relief after the ritual is over. Has anyone experienced this? I feel like I am alone in this behavior and am struggling to decide if I need to consider medication as I feel like it is also fueling my depression.
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Avatar universal
DUDE I DO THE SAME THING!! EXCEPT WHEN BRUSHING MY TEETH I DO IT TWICE AND I DO IT WHEN IM ANXIOUS OR WHEN MY OCD TELLS ME TO
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Avatar universal
I have recently started this exact same thing. We’re you able to get help? I know this is an old thread but worth a shot.
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2 Comments
This is a really sad original post to read.  And I'm really sorry to see that you are also going through this.  Gagging oneself very easily leads to making one's self vomit.  This is dangerous as it can become chronic.  What are you doing to help with the OCD?  A therapist that you can be totally honest with is so important.  Your insurance (or your parents) should cover this.  Children's hospitals are great in terms of providers that can specialize.  Tell us more and I'll try to help in terms of where to go for help (not specifically but how you can find a care provider).  Treating the ocd is really the key to helping any of these mental health issues. They may institute exposure therapy, psycho therapy or pharmacological (medicine) therapy.  A psychiatrist overseeing it will greatly help.  They can do a lot for people with OCD.  So, get help and this could get significantly better for you.  I"m here to help you sweetie, any way I can.
Good morning, thank you for the response. I have been using self help books. I think I’m am getting better but it is so exhausting fighting it all day.

Also I don’t think to check this often if you would like to connect on Facebook.
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