I believe my partner is to strict on my 5 year old eating. Help!

[upsetmomma]

My son has always been a slow eating and yes a very picky one. I will say that my partner has done great with making him eat new things and start eating but when it comes to how fast he eats, that's another story. My son would take near 2 hours to eat his food and my partner expected him to clear his plate every night. But he would only take that long with foods he was new with. Other foods, that he likes and knows he likes, he eats in a matter of 30 mins. So, I bought my son a timer, I read somewhere that to make it a game and have your child actually see the time ticking down. We set the timer for 45 mins, because I to believe that is a good amount of time to eat, even for a five year old. But sometimes the timer will go off and he will have maybe 3-4 bites left and he will be sent to time out for 15 mins and then have to come in an apologize to me for not eating fast enough and then go to bed without tv. (Which is our time to spend because I go lay with him for 15 mins before he has to go to sleep. But last night, he was threatened that he was going to get a spanking, had to get up off his bed and turn around and actually think he was going to get one, just because he didnt finish his food in 45 mins. He didn't get on but he had to sit in there for 30 mins alone and then take a fast bath and go straight to bed. But this punishment is supposed to carry into tonight also. Anyone else think that this is a little extreme? It breaks my heart seeing my son upset.

On another note, he goes to all his sports games and picks him up when I can't but he doesn't show any love or praise when he actually does good. I just want to know if I'm making the right decision on staying with him. The main concern is the eating.

[specialmom]

This is what I would call over parenting.  :>)  Definitely over step parenting.  I was an incredibly slow eater.  There are two kinds of meals.  The ones you need to get done and be done with fast (like at school when you have 20 minutes and you will not have another chance to eat until 5 hours later) and those you can linger.  Why does it matter if he lingers?  Teach him to take his own place to the sink and rinse, put in dishwasher or leave or whatever.  Let him be.

Your partner is out of line and over the top to threaten a spanking and being such a dictator for your child taking longer than 45 minutes to eat.  I'd leave anyone, leave them and never look back for treating my child like tat.  It's kind of crazy to be honest and like the script for a movie where adults look back and abusive situations put upon them by either a parent or step parent (usually a step parent in the movies, check out "This Boy's Life").  

You either lay down the law that your partner is not in charge of disciplining your child or how he eats in terms of speed or you have to take your child to a safer home to live in.  This partner of yours sounds damaging. For real.  

I get wanting your kid to eat faster but punishing like this?  No.  Never with my kids.  

And this will get worse. When your child hits the teen years and develops a voice that sticks up for himself . . . expect fist fights.  No joke.  It will likely get ugly.  hugs to you, this is hard.  But I'd not allow this at all.