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How to stop being scared, angry and losing sleep over stressful neighbourhood?
Background
I live in an overcrowded developing country where the legal system is full of corruption and is a joke. Also, people's basic level of decency is very low. Sometimes I feel that it is a jungle with mindless animals trying to kill each other. Anyone with money can use it to manipulate the legal system, bribe authorities, buy services of goons and basically do whatever they want, regardless of what common sense and the law say.
More than 15 years ago, a family bought the house adjacent to us and moved in. They demolished the existing house and built a multi-tenant complex with several rental portions within. Only the head of the family earns money. He earns a lot. Doesn't pay taxes and uses the black money to bribe authorities whenever he's caught doing something wrong. We witnesses them doing illegal things in terms of construction, parking and other public nuisance stuff. But, we didn't care because it didn't affect us. The guy also does some illegal money lending business and counts several goons, politicians and corrupt authorities among his friends.
Due to circumstances outside my control, we had to sell a portion of our property, and the neighbor bought it. We retained the back half portion, with a small path (5' wide) leading to the street, and they bought the front half with full access to the street. This is the stupidest mistake my family (parents) ever made and I will never forgive them for this.
Nasty Neighbour
The wife of the neighbor (no one in their house, for that matter) does not work for a living. They all live off of the (mostly illegal) income the guy brings in. So, the wife sits in the house all day and does nothing but create trouble to the neighbors. They create all kinds of trouble for everyone, which are totally unprovoked. When someone stands up to them, the guy threatens to make even more trouble for them with his ring of corrupt and powerful people. So nobody has done anything to them directly or even registered any complaint with authorities, as it will practically have no effect.
Our street mostly contains middle class working people who actually have jobs to go to and don't have time for this nonsense.
Parking Trouble
So they started bullying us for various things slowly. First they created trouble for us when we parked our car in front of our property. They said its their property and we can't park there. My dad decided not to escalate the situation and started parking elsewhere on the street. They didn't like that. They started parking their vehicles wherever we went. When we questioned them, they'll feed us some crap excuse. What they are really doing is trying to create a stressful environment for us so that we'll sell our half to them and leave.
Other nuisance
The wife is the main trouble maker, supported by the husband. She has turned all their tenants against us, now even they are picking fights with us. Now, they don't want us to park our two-wheeler in front of our OWN 5' wide drive way, because it is inconvenient for them to park their car. I can't explain in much detail here, just assume they are completely unreasonable people who are just looking for trouble.
Some times, they hang or place dirty things on the wall dividing the property. When we asked them not to hang them on our side, they pick a fight again and are threatening us that he'll teach us a lesson because we are annoying them with these requests!
Sometimes they and their tenants throw pieces of trash, cigar butts, empty beer cans, crushed paper, plastic bags, kitchen waste into our property. Their building goes up right next to the property wall, which is illegal. So anything that falls outside anyone's window or balcony lands directly into our property. When we confronted them, nobody admitted to the mistake. When we confronted them repeatedly, they threatened us that we're unnecessarily harrassing them, when it is THEY who are throwing trash into our house.
I just feel so angry that so much violation of law, common sense and decency is taking place and yet we're unable to do anything about it. Remember, going the legal route is pointless as he's got the police on his side. Also, he'll likely threaten the safety of my family (we have children and elders too) by hiring goons. I just don't know who to do.
I am so angry that yesterday my and my dad went over to confront them and it turned into a big verbal argument where they accused us of saying and doing things we never said or did. And he threatened us saying he should have taught me a lesson and shown me his power and influence during our previous arguments, but he didn't, and because of it, I am not arguing with him again.
All logic and decency has gone out the door in my locality and in fact my whole country. I can ignore what's happening in the country. But I can't ignore my surroundings because not it has started affecting what we do in front of our house and even in our house.
Basically this neighbor has created animosity between themselves and all other occupants, except a few, who are themselves more powerful than him. He is a bit more refrained when dealing with them, but still tries to show his dominance!
I don't know what to think anymore. The whole society has become a bunch of wild animals, ready to taunt and pounce and kill anyone who disagrees with their understanding of what's right and wrong. I am losing sleep over this. Sometimes I feel that I need to hire a hitman and murder these pathetic excuses for human beings, but I have a son and wife who depend on me. I don't want to spoil their life. I feel all hope is lost.
If this was some western country, my understanding is, such neighbors are a minority and you can move somewhere better. But, I am just so angry because, I see this everywhere. Nobody has any decency, but always knows someone powerful to create a fight and bully people, when it is them who is breaking the law. We ARE planning to move and hopefully the new place is better, but this is so stressful. I don't think I can hold on until we move.
What can I do to cope with situation?
I live in an overcrowded developing country where the legal system is full of corruption and is a joke. Also, people's basic level of decency is very low. Sometimes I feel that it is a jungle with mindless animals trying to kill each other. Anyone with money can use it to manipulate the legal system, bribe authorities, buy services of goons and basically do whatever they want, regardless of what common sense and the law say.
More than 15 years ago, a family bought the house adjacent to us and moved in. They demolished the existing house and built a multi-tenant complex with several rental portions within. Only the head of the family earns money. He earns a lot. Doesn't pay taxes and uses the black money to bribe authorities whenever he's caught doing something wrong. We witnesses them doing illegal things in terms of construction, parking and other public nuisance stuff. But, we didn't care because it didn't affect us. The guy also does some illegal money lending business and counts several goons, politicians and corrupt authorities among his friends.
Due to circumstances outside my control, we had to sell a portion of our property, and the neighbor bought it. We retained the back half portion, with a small path (5' wide) leading to the street, and they bought the front half with full access to the street. This is the stupidest mistake my family (parents) ever made and I will never forgive them for this.
Nasty Neighbour
The wife of the neighbor (no one in their house, for that matter) does not work for a living. They all live off of the (mostly illegal) income the guy brings in. So, the wife sits in the house all day and does nothing but create trouble to the neighbors. They create all kinds of trouble for everyone, which are totally unprovoked. When someone stands up to them, the guy threatens to make even more trouble for them with his ring of corrupt and powerful people. So nobody has done anything to them directly or even registered any complaint with authorities, as it will practically have no effect.
Our street mostly contains middle class working people who actually have jobs to go to and don't have time for this nonsense.
Parking Trouble
So they started bullying us for various things slowly. First they created trouble for us when we parked our car in front of our property. They said its their property and we can't park there. My dad decided not to escalate the situation and started parking elsewhere on the street. They didn't like that. They started parking their vehicles wherever we went. When we questioned them, they'll feed us some crap excuse. What they are really doing is trying to create a stressful environment for us so that we'll sell our half to them and leave.
Other nuisance
The wife is the main trouble maker, supported by the husband. She has turned all their tenants against us, now even they are picking fights with us. Now, they don't want us to park our two-wheeler in front of our OWN 5' wide drive way, because it is inconvenient for them to park their car. I can't explain in much detail here, just assume they are completely unreasonable people who are just looking for trouble.
Some times, they hang or place dirty things on the wall dividing the property. When we asked them not to hang them on our side, they pick a fight again and are threatening us that he'll teach us a lesson because we are annoying them with these requests!
Sometimes they and their tenants throw pieces of trash, cigar butts, empty beer cans, crushed paper, plastic bags, kitchen waste into our property. Their building goes up right next to the property wall, which is illegal. So anything that falls outside anyone's window or balcony lands directly into our property. When we confronted them, nobody admitted to the mistake. When we confronted them repeatedly, they threatened us that we're unnecessarily harrassing them, when it is THEY who are throwing trash into our house.
I just feel so angry that so much violation of law, common sense and decency is taking place and yet we're unable to do anything about it. Remember, going the legal route is pointless as he's got the police on his side. Also, he'll likely threaten the safety of my family (we have children and elders too) by hiring goons. I just don't know who to do.
I am so angry that yesterday my and my dad went over to confront them and it turned into a big verbal argument where they accused us of saying and doing things we never said or did. And he threatened us saying he should have taught me a lesson and shown me his power and influence during our previous arguments, but he didn't, and because of it, I am not arguing with him again.
All logic and decency has gone out the door in my locality and in fact my whole country. I can ignore what's happening in the country. But I can't ignore my surroundings because not it has started affecting what we do in front of our house and even in our house.
Basically this neighbor has created animosity between themselves and all other occupants, except a few, who are themselves more powerful than him. He is a bit more refrained when dealing with them, but still tries to show his dominance!
I don't know what to think anymore. The whole society has become a bunch of wild animals, ready to taunt and pounce and kill anyone who disagrees with their understanding of what's right and wrong. I am losing sleep over this. Sometimes I feel that I need to hire a hitman and murder these pathetic excuses for human beings, but I have a son and wife who depend on me. I don't want to spoil their life. I feel all hope is lost.
If this was some western country, my understanding is, such neighbors are a minority and you can move somewhere better. But, I am just so angry because, I see this everywhere. Nobody has any decency, but always knows someone powerful to create a fight and bully people, when it is them who is breaking the law. We ARE planning to move and hopefully the new place is better, but this is so stressful. I don't think I can hold on until we move.
What can I do to cope with situation?
Hope you feel better soon! I have been a victim of neighborhood anxiety as well. A bad neighbor is what multiplies your property value with a zero. However, that is not the end of it all.
Sometimes it is almost impossible to shift location and maintaining your position, being strong and protecting your boundaries is all we are left to do and must do. Meanwhile it is important to not feel angry or stressed, so as to reflect you are strong.
"Anger is a poison that we consume and expect others to die from it"
Don't loose your humility or kindness because of others. Being humble does not mean you are weak. Whatever happened in the past is over. From now just keep your calm and try to be positive as far as possible. People exhibiting bad behaviors are more than anyone fighting against their own insecurities troubles and lack of peace You would probably feel bad for them if you knew it all But since we gotta protect ourselves and take care of our families we would not prefer to know or understand . So have patience I am sure things will get better if you stop giving power to all the tries to irritate you and one day you will realize that the things have improved. In other words you will be the one who would be a stronger person and others will again not like it but that is where you will be a winner by not allowing them to alter your peace.
P.S If possible Purify the energy of your home and surroundings by smudging with sage
Take care
God bless !
Sometimes it is almost impossible to shift location and maintaining your position, being strong and protecting your boundaries is all we are left to do and must do. Meanwhile it is important to not feel angry or stressed, so as to reflect you are strong.
"Anger is a poison that we consume and expect others to die from it"
Don't loose your humility or kindness because of others. Being humble does not mean you are weak. Whatever happened in the past is over. From now just keep your calm and try to be positive as far as possible. People exhibiting bad behaviors are more than anyone fighting against their own insecurities troubles and lack of peace You would probably feel bad for them if you knew it all But since we gotta protect ourselves and take care of our families we would not prefer to know or understand . So have patience I am sure things will get better if you stop giving power to all the tries to irritate you and one day you will realize that the things have improved. In other words you will be the one who would be a stronger person and others will again not like it but that is where you will be a winner by not allowing them to alter your peace.
P.S If possible Purify the energy of your home and surroundings by smudging with sage
Take care
God bless !
Hard to say that there is anything you can do other than ignoring as you have tried to in the past. Injustice can happen to anyone - my friend married a woman who told her therapist that she wants to kill everyone including herself but he is too poor to find a new wife and support his existing family.
Anger is like throwing a hot coal at someone, if you throw it you get burnt and he might duck so you get nothing good out of it. Good luck.
Anger is like throwing a hot coal at someone, if you throw it you get burnt and he might duck so you get nothing good out of it. Good luck.
1 Comments
Thanks for your response. Sometimes I am grateful that me, my wife and children don't have any terrible medical condition (although we're beginning to see symptoms of chronic illnesses due to bad lifestyle) or anything like what you've described in your example.
What angers me is that, we were living our lives merrily for decades in the same home, but out of nowhere this wreched SOB became our neighbor and then things took a turn for the worse. So, I lived my life for almost 20 years in peace and quiet in a good street and then all of a sudden these people came, packing all their negative character traits with them, and are ruining the place. The old residents of our street, are now bearing the brunt of this nonsense. We are among the few who haven't left yet.
I wonder how people handle a situation where they have simply been living their life, not troubling anyone, and suddenly encountered such levels of stupidity/abused/bullying by someone or group of people and had to drastically change their life just to get away from it? Of course countless people have been raped, murdered, persecuted or injured for no fault of their own, they and their loved ones all must feel infinitely more terrible than I do, but this is happening to me for the first time. I just feel so depressed about the whole degradation of society - that a man can't even peacefully earn a living and live in his own house, without watching out for and protecting against constant nuisance and abuse by neighbors.
What angers me is that, we were living our lives merrily for decades in the same home, but out of nowhere this wreched SOB became our neighbor and then things took a turn for the worse. So, I lived my life for almost 20 years in peace and quiet in a good street and then all of a sudden these people came, packing all their negative character traits with them, and are ruining the place. The old residents of our street, are now bearing the brunt of this nonsense. We are among the few who haven't left yet.
I wonder how people handle a situation where they have simply been living their life, not troubling anyone, and suddenly encountered such levels of stupidity/abused/bullying by someone or group of people and had to drastically change their life just to get away from it? Of course countless people have been raped, murdered, persecuted or injured for no fault of their own, they and their loved ones all must feel infinitely more terrible than I do, but this is happening to me for the first time. I just feel so depressed about the whole degradation of society - that a man can't even peacefully earn a living and live in his own house, without watching out for and protecting against constant nuisance and abuse by neighbors.
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