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Regrettable Incest Experience
Hello.. I have had a very strange and unexpected incest experience. I’ve been regretting it for nearly 5-6 years now..
I am now 16. When I was 4 or 5 (I don’t remember), I accidentally saw a sexual scene on TV. I had an erection and I “liked this feeling” that I wanted to try it again. The next day my mother closed a room door when it was only me and my 4-3 year old brother. We did nothing but only “touching dicks” for a second. I asked him if he liked the feeling (erection) and he said yes.
Then I remember me sleeping over him and we “kissing”. I took the “dominant” role most of the time.
It stopped randomly as I grew up but I’ve also forgotten about it completely for a couple of years.
When I was 12 or 13 i remembered and I was living hell that week I remembered it. I was VERY regretting and worried. I’ve been searching about its impact on my brother and his future.
I have been crying for years, please help me.
Also.. sometimes I think that those random memories were dreams as I usually randomly dream wet dreams with my brother in them. It cancels the whole thing but I am not sure and if it’s only a dream, can someone help me stop those dreams and why I get them?
IF they aren’t dreams, what are those events’ impact on my brother’s personality and future? And also sexual orientation?
I’ve found a gay pornography page on his history but nothing more. Others said it’s curioisty as i caught him viewing normal pornography for a second too.
Homosexuality is STRICTLY forbidden where I live. It’s a bad future (no offense) in my point of view too.
I’ve been feeling guilty and I had a feeling that I need to inform my father but.. I don’t think I can do it. I just feel that my father needs to know about it. What can I do and what’s my brother’s future?
Thank you!
I am now 16. When I was 4 or 5 (I don’t remember), I accidentally saw a sexual scene on TV. I had an erection and I “liked this feeling” that I wanted to try it again. The next day my mother closed a room door when it was only me and my 4-3 year old brother. We did nothing but only “touching dicks” for a second. I asked him if he liked the feeling (erection) and he said yes.
Then I remember me sleeping over him and we “kissing”. I took the “dominant” role most of the time.
It stopped randomly as I grew up but I’ve also forgotten about it completely for a couple of years.
When I was 12 or 13 i remembered and I was living hell that week I remembered it. I was VERY regretting and worried. I’ve been searching about its impact on my brother and his future.
I have been crying for years, please help me.
Also.. sometimes I think that those random memories were dreams as I usually randomly dream wet dreams with my brother in them. It cancels the whole thing but I am not sure and if it’s only a dream, can someone help me stop those dreams and why I get them?
IF they aren’t dreams, what are those events’ impact on my brother’s personality and future? And also sexual orientation?
I’ve found a gay pornography page on his history but nothing more. Others said it’s curioisty as i caught him viewing normal pornography for a second too.
Homosexuality is STRICTLY forbidden where I live. It’s a bad future (no offense) in my point of view too.
I’ve been feeling guilty and I had a feeling that I need to inform my father but.. I don’t think I can do it. I just feel that my father needs to know about it. What can I do and what’s my brother’s future?
Thank you!
Alex
First of all, Give yourself a break, you were very young and couldn't possibly have really known what you were doing.
Believe or not what you did is more common than you think. I'm not sure about the family member part being common but definitely two boys experimenting with each other is.
When I was 14 years old, I slept over my friend house and we had stolen 4 cans of beer and a pint of Vodka that was half empty, being young and zero tolerance to alcohol we both were pretty drunk. When it came time to sleep the subject of girls came up, and us both admitting the talk of girls got us hard. He sat next me on the bed and began to rub between my legs, as much as I wanted not to do it, either being drunk or the fact it felt good, I didn't stop him.
The next thing I know he pulls down his pants grabs my hand and placed it on his penis. This is the part left guilt with me for years. He was a year older than me but much more developed, I remember thinking he has a man penis, much bigger than mine and twice as thick. I was your typical 15 year old but my friend on the other hand was at least 8 inches long and very thick.
Long story short he ended giving me a ** and stroke his penis.
The next day I woke up hungover and very confused thinking am I gay? You have to understand in the early 80s in my city being gay would make me a target of people.
I never stayed over his house ever again and made him promise never to mention what happened......
For years I carried the thought of how I allowed it to happen and worse still I was fascinated with the size of his penis.
It wasn't until I did some looking on the internet did I started reading story after story of straight boys and girls with similar stories about how they had a sexual encounter with the same sex.
I read a study done by Boston College that estimates 20 to 30% of people have had same sex encounter as a child. It doesn't mean a person is gay, even though some turn out to be but that had little to do with their experience,
I understand with you it was a family member and not a friend. The fact remains you were much too young to understand what you were doing and if you still don't have thoughts of being with your brother. If I was you I would chalk it up to youth and not knowing any better and go on with your life
First of all, Give yourself a break, you were very young and couldn't possibly have really known what you were doing.
Believe or not what you did is more common than you think. I'm not sure about the family member part being common but definitely two boys experimenting with each other is.
When I was 14 years old, I slept over my friend house and we had stolen 4 cans of beer and a pint of Vodka that was half empty, being young and zero tolerance to alcohol we both were pretty drunk. When it came time to sleep the subject of girls came up, and us both admitting the talk of girls got us hard. He sat next me on the bed and began to rub between my legs, as much as I wanted not to do it, either being drunk or the fact it felt good, I didn't stop him.
The next thing I know he pulls down his pants grabs my hand and placed it on his penis. This is the part left guilt with me for years. He was a year older than me but much more developed, I remember thinking he has a man penis, much bigger than mine and twice as thick. I was your typical 15 year old but my friend on the other hand was at least 8 inches long and very thick.
Long story short he ended giving me a ** and stroke his penis.
The next day I woke up hungover and very confused thinking am I gay? You have to understand in the early 80s in my city being gay would make me a target of people.
I never stayed over his house ever again and made him promise never to mention what happened......
For years I carried the thought of how I allowed it to happen and worse still I was fascinated with the size of his penis.
It wasn't until I did some looking on the internet did I started reading story after story of straight boys and girls with similar stories about how they had a sexual encounter with the same sex.
I read a study done by Boston College that estimates 20 to 30% of people have had same sex encounter as a child. It doesn't mean a person is gay, even though some turn out to be but that had little to do with their experience,
I understand with you it was a family member and not a friend. The fact remains you were much too young to understand what you were doing and if you still don't have thoughts of being with your brother. If I was you I would chalk it up to youth and not knowing any better and go on with your life
1 Comments
I agree too. It's good to check out your health, or psyco-sexual health, with a professional if it gets to bothersome, yet don't be hard on yourself. I've had a similar experience but I'm not gay and I forgive myself for what I did. I battled obsessive-compulsive thoughts, whereas I couldn't shake the shame or guilt. So I could have used a counselor or other professional, but not being hard on myself and simply putting it in the past had helped me greatly. I just deal with life now. Also, I'm sure your brother will be fine. And should you tell your dad? You probably don't need to. This kind of behavior happens a lot and so long as it doesn't pose immediate issues, everything should be fine.
Wow, this is really a pretty intense question. I think you need to get some kind of counseling or psychiatric help. They may be able to determine whether these things actually happened or you just imagined them. I think this is outside the expertise of anyone here, unless there happens to be someone reading who has experience with psycho-sexual counseling. I hope you can get some help & get this issue resolved...
2 Comments
I really appreciate your help.. thanks! Can you help me elevate this to someone who’s an expert at such topics?
Well, I don't really know anyone in the field I could recommend myself, just suggesting this is what you need in order to get help. Also don't know what area you live in - I'm in the suburban Chicago area, obviously a large Metro area like this has many good Dr's & specialists, so it depends where you live, if you're near any large Metro areas that likley have a large # of experts in that field. I would go on the Internet & search for psycho-sexual counselors in your area. There also may be free clinics to help people who may have been sexually abused & they might be able to take your case as well, even if you're not aware of having ever been abused yourself, But given the nature of these things, it's even possible you were abused at a very young age & may have no memory of it, therefore these types of counselors might be able to help. So do a search for that as well...
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