I'm really suicidal and i don't know what to do

[idontwannaliveanymore]

it started a few months ago and every day its been getting worse. Its gotten to the point where I'm starting to research how to do it like looking up how much of a certain drug will kill you and stuff. The thoughts started as just me doing it in different ways and my parents not seeing my dead body but then it started into ones where my parents see me dead and I don't like those but know it's my brothers seeing me dead

I'm not sure why I'm like this I don't think I have depression I've never been diagnosed with it and people tell me I should go see a doctor but then I have to tell my parents and I don't want them knowing about this I don't know

I don't want to live anymore and I just wanna do it but I can't I don't know what is stopping me I have access to drugs and poisons

[CurfewX]

PLEASE speak to your parents.  I am a parent myself, and I can assure you that I would want to know if my child were suffering and having thoughts like this.  This sounds like serious depression, and there is hope and help out there for you.  

Do you have a trusted adult, other than your parents, who you could speak to? A teacher, or a counselor at school? They may be able to help you get started before talking to your parents, and can help you with ideas on how to approach your parents about your suicidal thoughts.

Please don't go through with it.  You have other options, and a family who certainly cares about you.