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Did I sexually abuse my sister?

Hello,

I'm a 30 year old guy from the north east of England and am new to this site.

I need some honest opinions from people as I'm feeling incredibly bad about myself.

I suffer with Pure OCD and get intrusive thoughts pretty often, they are pretty upsetting sometimes but I know that they don't represent who I am or define me as a person so I try and ignore them.

Something is strongly and really bothering me though and I can't stop thinking/obsessing over it, it's making me thinknow I'm a horrible person, a disgusting person and a person that should be punished.

The thing that's bothering me is something from when I was a kid.

I was 12, 13 or 14 (can't remember how old if I'm being honest but I don't think it was older than 14) and I had seen my brother (older) watching pornography, masturbating over a porn film (naturally I can't remember I'm the slightest what he was watching) and being generally very forward with sexuality and things concerning it. He had his fetish of women dominating men by sitting on their faces and passing gas, humiliating them and generally dominating them.

I remember (and I don't know how it started) me and my younger sister doing that (she is 4 years younger than me), I can't remember if I asked her (I probably did) but I remember she'd sit on my head, pass gas and I'd kiss her bare buttocks and push my face into her bottom (kind of like butt worship). To be honest as well as being devastated and anxious that I maybe sexually abused my sister I'm also embarrassed as I would never be happy with somebody whether a girl or boy passing gas in my face now (I'm pretty well mannered and don't like obvious flatulence). I didn't at all touch her vagina or ask her to touch my penis but I'm really concerned and it's tearing me up (has been for years).

Another aspect of this story is how me and my sister pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We kissed eachother on the lips, she lied on top of me and I put my hands on her bottom and (not 100% sure) I might have put my hands on her breasts but I didn't have any kind of sex with her, didn't touch her vagina or she didn't touch my penis.

Without sounding like I'm preaching I'm honestly not attracted to my sister or kids for that matter, I never will be but I'm honestly really torn up over this.

I contacted my sister over it and she said "don't be daft, kids do daft things and I can't even remember it" but then I questioned if she was just saying that (could be the ocd).

Sorry if it's long winded but I need some answers, honest answers.

I would never grope a kid or do anything else with a kid for that matter but I'm honest seriously concerned about it.

Thanks very much guys,

Simon
4 Responses
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134578 tn?1693250592
You keep saying that you have "pure OCD," presumably it is a diagnosed condition and you have a therapist? Ask your therapist whether this is an issue you should be talking about in therapy. Not the question of what happened, but the question of you letting the thought of it remain at the forefront of your mind and ruin your life. OCD therapy is so you don't have your life ruined by OCD. So, get therapy for the worries that you feel your OCD is not letting you properly sort.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for that second message too, God bless you too.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello,

I'm sorry you went through that.

I'm just concerned that I might have sexually abused my sister, I contacted her about it and she said "don't be daft" so one could say she's fine but I guess with the pure ocd it's hard to accept some things.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
She's probably fine. It's sweet you are so considerate to her though. It probably means a lot to her you feel conviction, even though she forgives you. Words mean a lot.
20808837 tn?1517454990
Growing up I had an older sister who was 11 yrs older than me. I went through a lot of very uncomfortable situations be cause of her wanting to touch me a lot and wash my privates even though I was more than capable of washing my own parts myself. As I got older, I realized she was severely mentally ill, and forgave her for molesting me. I no  longer view myself as a molestation victim, but as a survivor of a mentally ill sister's unfortunate actions. And abuses. She suffered a lot in her mental anguish, and still does, but I know she isn't really evil. I love and forgive her entirely, and I pray she doesn't carry the load of shame.

I hope this helps. God blessed you.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
God bless you I mean.
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