Do you have family coping with Chiari Malformation?

[ChiariWolf]

Most of us here are the ones who have to live with the affects and effects of Chiari Malformation. But some are here because at least at one point you where trying to understand what the condition is all about. Perhaps your child, another family member or a friend is dealing with the condition.

No doubt that leaves you wanting to know how to help them. Some however are or where no doubt first interested because you want to know why they don't do more. For those with a heart the balancing act between those two extremes can be most difficult at times. In writing a book about my life I've come to this subject numerous times and have yet to write anything because I can see both sides. So what is the right answer?

For me at this time the answer slapped me in the face this morning. It has been but today that slap is much worse than normal. You see people who are dealing with CM are in the end just that. People period. They should be treated as people. So if your best friend or child had a broken leg how would you treat them? Think about that a moment. Some would feel bad that they have to deal with the pain and limitations of that leg for a time. But you would not hinder someone that you love from doing things that they enjoy within reason. No Love doesn't do that. Love would cause you to step in if they stubbornly decided to run a marathon. But not if they wanted to stand and do the dishes. If you were going to the movies would you choose not to ask them because 'Oh they might not be up to it.." Love wouldn't let you do that now would it? No, Love would allow them to make that choice not you. So how do you apply the principles of common decency and compassion dictate your actions when you can't see the problem with conditions such as CM?

As we go through life that could be one of the more limiting issues we all deal with at one point in life. Let me suggest this solution. First a question to ponder - Is that person with a broken leg mentally incapacitated? Of course not! That would be insane on your part to assume such was the case. Another question - Is that person with a broken leg lazy because they don't go run a marathon while the leg is mending? Again of course not! So what is the point?

In life we make choices every single day. Some good and some turn out to be not so good. But one choice that we commonly make subconsciously when dealing with others also applies here. We often have to decide in our mind if we wish to include another person in some activity or choose them for a visit. We don't give this a second thought do we. It is normal in every day life. So why do we find it necessary to 'judge' what another person can or can not do based on our fragmented little tiny idea of their life?

You see perhaps it isn't intentional. This does however happen all the time with conditions like CM. So if you truely want to help the person you love to deal with CM or simply help them in life. Then perhaps it is time to stop judging what they can or cannot do and just ask. If you want to take them on a hike through the woods or a stroll through the mall, whatever your thing is, then ask. Give them the dignity to say yes or no. Let them decide what they can or can not do at that given time. Respect is part of love. So if you love that person then remember respect is part of love. Where there is no respect there is no love. Is it difficult every time someone asks you to do something that you can not physically do? Of course. But that is part of our load that we have to carry. By making that choice for the person you are making their load heavier not lighter. Short of someone who actually is mentally incapacitated or to young to make the choice this is true of all conditions known to mankind.

So all this gibberish in a nutshell - If you love someone then show it. No condition known to man should change your love. If it does then there was no love there to begin with. We are taught in this society to shun what we don't understand. Don't do it! If your goal is to help then the answer as to how is simple. Treat them with the same respect you wish others would show to you. If you had a hard day at work perhaps a nice soak in the tub would feel good. But you get to make that choice don't you? How would you feel if your spouse or others had to 'approve' so to speak before you could take that soak in the tub? So you see it all boils down to showing love. Showing the respect that love dictates. That is how you help someone who is dealing with CM. Treat them as a human being.

Off my soap box now but I won't say sorry because I'm not. This IMO is the biggest issue that anyone who truly wants to help should address within themselves before reaching out to help.

CW

[selmaS]

BRAVO...one chapter written....