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Avatar universal

Who’s most likely the father

Hey ya’ll i’m under a lot of stress trying to figure out who the father of my baby is because it’ll change everything going forward if it’s not who i hoped. My LMP was april 13th-19th and i usually have a 30 day cycle. I had sex with my ex “J” on the 23rd and 28th of april, both times he came inside me. Then stupidly on may 1st i had sex with a coworker, he pulled out but i know that can fail. I use two apps to track and one put my fertile window as being the 23rd-29th and the other the 25th-30th. I got my positive test may 8th so would it even be possible for it to be my coworkers since we only had sex 7 days prior to my positive? Isn’t that too early? I can’t ask my doctor yet since my first appointment isn’t until 8 weeks in june. I appreciate any and all insight you can give me because this is making me miserable
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134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, you said "I got my positive test on May 8," did you mean a positive home pregnancy test in the morning on May 8? Or did you get a blood test?
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Positive HPT on the 8th so i’m thinking it’s improbable for it to be my coworker
I agree with your logic, unless you have multiples you'd be unlikely to have enough hGC to read positive on most home tests that early. What kind of test was it? If it was one known for early results, it isn't going to totally rule out the coworker.

You mentioned getting a prenatal DNA test, try Ravgen and the DDC and see what their pricing is. Every now and then someone will write in and say they got a less expensive test from one of those two because they weren't demanding their results quickly, or some other rationale. I can't ever tell if they were just making this up or if there really is a less costly test from one of those two reputable labs, but it would be worth checking. Also, by rights, both men and you should split the cost of the test. Don't go to some cut-rate lab, though. Stick with one of those two if you do a prenatal test, and test with both men.

The other thing that might help (it's not infallible) is if you can get an ultrasound in your 6th or 7th week counting from the first day of your last period. (Not your 8th week.) If your doctor is stiff about not seeing you until your 8th week he will probably also not give you an ultrasound at your first appointment, and if both of those things are true, you might find it worthwhile to call around and switch to a different doctor who will. Babies begin as one cell, and then split to two, and then four, and then eight, at a known pace. But after a while some start to develop a little faster and some a little slower than average. A crown-to-rump measurement of the baby in your 6th or 7th week can be spot-on or maybe diverge by 1 day from the average, for telling when the baby conceived. But even by week 12, most doctors will say "plus or minus 7 days" if asked to tell you when the baby might have been conceived by its measurements in an ultrasound, and the margin for error grows over the pregnancy to the point where if a doc were asked to tell you at week 40 when the baby had been conceived by the ultrasound evidence, he or she would say plus or minus three weeks. Thus, the closer you are to week 6 or 7, the better. Get from the doctor not just a "weeks" count (which in your case with slightly longer cycles, isn't going to be that helpful), get the estimated due date. Then count back 266 days from that date (or put it into a conception calculator online). That will give you an estimated conception date.

What you would be hoping for, from an ultrasound, is that it would indicate a date well before May 1. The margins are hair-thin, though, which is why an ultrasound would not be as helpful as you'd like. (Plus, if it does indicate after May 1, it still won't tell you which man is the dad, since sperm can live from April 28 to May 1 just fine in your body.) In your shoes, I would opt for the prenatal testing, or else just go through the pregnancy with the working assumption that the first guy is the dad, but ready to test when the baby comes. (DNA testing is nowhere near as expensive after the baby is born.) Be sure both guys know they will be expected to test. If they do know this, it is possible they will find it a reasonable thing to help pay to test before the baby comes, to avoid months of suspense.

Good luck.

I tested with one of the first signal 88 cent ones and got a clear positive, they aren’t an early result brand as far as i know. And i have looked into both of those companies but sadly both are out of my price range as i’m only 20 working a minimum wage job. I can only ask my coworker bc i don’t want my ex knowing there’s even a slight question of paternity, for what reason i’m not sure i just can’t bring myself to tell him. So i feel the prenatal test is out the window without a miracle, but i will try getting into my OB a week early. Thank you for your reply! Truly i believe the father to be J but the possibility of my gut being wrong, no matter how slim has me terrified.
First off, take "terrified" off your vocabulary list in relation to this situation, and take it out of your mind. It would make things more complicated if the co-worker was the dad, but it is not like your ex is your boyfriend or husband and he is violent and would harm you if the other guy turned out to be the dad. That's a situation for genuine fear, your situation is difficult because you are 20 and working a minimum-wage job and want to keep the baby, but it is not terrifying. It's just hard. Acting dramatic about it in your mind won't serve you, you need clear thinking.

What is the resistance to telling your ex, do you think he still thinks he is your boyfriend and has some proprietary claim to your faithfulness? Did the event with the co-worker happen when he was still your boyfriend? I would re-think the question of telling him. If the three of you were to split the cost of the test three ways, it might be manageable price-wise. Did you call Ravgen and ask them if the myth that they had some lesser-priced testing was actually true?

I assume you are intending to keep the baby no matter who the dad is, is that right? (I mean, not an abortion, not adoption?) Or have you decided? If you want to keep the child, you need to be very clearheaded and look at all your options. You will need child support from the dad, and that will require a DNA test once it gets to a legal determination of paternity. You'll need plans for everything -- your budget, your job, child care, your further education so you can get a better-paying job, and so on. It's probably time to be thinking of all of that now, whether you have to wait on the DNA test until the baby is born or not.

I'm sorry there is no easy answer about paternity, but don't mis-attribute other stresses (the list above) to the question of paternity. You still have to work through those no matter who the dad is.


I really appreciate all your info and insight! But actually the question of keeping the child solely relies on the paternity and if i can’t find out beforehand i’m leaning towards termination. Since my situation is already not the best financially without the added burden of paternity questions and only one potential supportive father. I personally don’t think i’m strong enough to deal with not knowing until after, the risk outweighs the reward in my mind but thank you again for your advice and input it means the world!
If one guy would provide financial support for the child (should he prove to be the dad) and the other guy would not, it does sound like doing whatever you can to get an answer before terminating would be a good idea, even if that includes telling the guy you don't wish to tell. The easiest and fairest way to fund the prenatal DNA test would be for all three of you to share the cost. I hope you can make that happen.
If that can't happen, but the one guy would still step up financially, there is also the option to have the baby with the intent to put the child up for adoption if the wrong guy turns out to be the father. I realize this might sound extreme, and it would certainly take a lot of thought on your part to know if you could do it. But there are a lot of people out there who want to be adoptive parents.
Avatar universal
These incidents were too close together to give a certain answer. Yes, the most likely date for ovulation was April 29th, but the egg is good for one day and the chance of you having an exact model cycle is not guaranteed. If you want probabilities, your ex "J" made a good deposit with almost perfect timing, while the co-worker pulled out and might have been a day late. My estimate is ten to one in favor of "J", but if you want peace of mind a paternity test after the birth would be cool.
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Hoping to get a prenatal test done as i refuse to string anyone along without full certainty but i’m not sure i can afford the non invasive one
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