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Anxious young girl- At risk for STDs?
Hello, I recently had some sexual encounters that are causing raging anxiety that I can’t seem to shake off. Me and my girlfriend of 6 months have had oral and manual sex about four or five times over that course, most recently being about a month/ month and a half ago. We were both Virgins before said encounter, and are both 14 (very young I know, but I suppose many teenagers make bad mistakes.) We are completely monogamous and have had no previous sex partners (or sex for that matter) Neither of us have had any symptoms, but occasionally I do have general discomfort. I also had a UTI about two months ago, but is now long cleared up. I wanted to know if I would be at risk of any STDs, and if so, which?
Thank you very much,
from a nervous teen.
Thank you very much,
from a nervous teen.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi :)
If you both had no previous partners, even for oral sex, you can't have an STD.
STDs need mouth-to-genital, genital-to-genital, or genital-to-anal contact to transmit. Just like a cold or strep throat, you need to be exposed to the germ to get it, which means that one of you would have had to have one of those kinds of contact before to have an STD. They don't just develop out of nowhere.
Does manual sex mean you used your hands? That's called mutual masturbation (masturbating each other) and is never a risk for STDs.
I don't know your gender, but since you're on this path, actual intercourse (if you haven't had it already) may not be too far away. Consider talking to your gf about birth control now. At 14, she may need a parent's permission (that depends on where you live - don't tell me where you live, but you can google "birth control parent permission" and where you live to find out the laws in your area.
Exploring your sexuality isn't a bad thing. It just comes with responsibilities that sometimes, at 14, you may not be ready for. It's awesome that you are asking questions, and want to know about STDs. That's fantastic. :)
I'm happy to answer your questions, but Planned Parenthood has a Teen Center with a ton of questions already answered - https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens If you have any questions, let me know.
If you both had no previous partners, even for oral sex, you can't have an STD.
STDs need mouth-to-genital, genital-to-genital, or genital-to-anal contact to transmit. Just like a cold or strep throat, you need to be exposed to the germ to get it, which means that one of you would have had to have one of those kinds of contact before to have an STD. They don't just develop out of nowhere.
Does manual sex mean you used your hands? That's called mutual masturbation (masturbating each other) and is never a risk for STDs.
I don't know your gender, but since you're on this path, actual intercourse (if you haven't had it already) may not be too far away. Consider talking to your gf about birth control now. At 14, she may need a parent's permission (that depends on where you live - don't tell me where you live, but you can google "birth control parent permission" and where you live to find out the laws in your area.
Exploring your sexuality isn't a bad thing. It just comes with responsibilities that sometimes, at 14, you may not be ready for. It's awesome that you are asking questions, and want to know about STDs. That's fantastic. :)
I'm happy to answer your questions, but Planned Parenthood has a Teen Center with a ton of questions already answered - https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens If you have any questions, let me know.
10 Comments
thank you very much Jessi!!
I know I am quite young, but intercourse won’t be happening. I am a girl in a gay relationship, so seeing as neither of us have a penis- it is not a possibility. We have only done mutual masturbation and oral three or four times with no previous partners so I am aware the risk of STDs is literally nothing. I am overly anxious often and despite prior knowledge that there is no risk (along with my own mother being a health teacher) I was still getting quite anxious. thank you for being so kind and thorough :)
I know I am quite young, but intercourse won’t be happening. I am a girl in a gay relationship, so seeing as neither of us have a penis- it is not a possibility. We have only done mutual masturbation and oral three or four times with no previous partners so I am aware the risk of STDs is literally nothing. I am overly anxious often and despite prior knowledge that there is no risk (along with my own mother being a health teacher) I was still getting quite anxious. thank you for being so kind and thorough :)
Thank you for sharing that information with me.
You're correct - the risk is literally nothing. Also, for your future, if you continue in girl-on-girl relationships, the chances of STDs are lower for you than for other relationships with people with penises.
Since technically speaking, nothing is being inserted anywhere - like a penis into your vagina, or a penis into your throat - you have less of a chance of getting things like gonorrhea and chlamydia, and HIV. It's possible, of course, but a lot less likely.
You are still at risk for genital herpes - both genital herpes type 1 if someone who has it orally gives you oral sex (and I should have mentioned that above), and genital herpes type 2 from rubbing genitals together. Herpes doesn't need penetration to transmit - just genital to genital contact with some friction. HPV (think genital warts, though not all types of HPV actually give you warts) is spread the same way. HPV isn't a concern for you now, if neither of you have been with anyone else.
If either you or your partner have oral herpes - think cold sores - that can be transmitted to someone's genitals via oral sex. That person would then have genital herpes type 1. If you both have it, you're fine, since you can't give someone what they already have. Your body has antibodies to prevent an infection in a different place.
For both you and your partner - it's okay to say no at any time, even if you've already been sexually active with your current partner, or if you end up with someone else. No one told my generation that, so I'm telling you. :)
You're correct - the risk is literally nothing. Also, for your future, if you continue in girl-on-girl relationships, the chances of STDs are lower for you than for other relationships with people with penises.
Since technically speaking, nothing is being inserted anywhere - like a penis into your vagina, or a penis into your throat - you have less of a chance of getting things like gonorrhea and chlamydia, and HIV. It's possible, of course, but a lot less likely.
You are still at risk for genital herpes - both genital herpes type 1 if someone who has it orally gives you oral sex (and I should have mentioned that above), and genital herpes type 2 from rubbing genitals together. Herpes doesn't need penetration to transmit - just genital to genital contact with some friction. HPV (think genital warts, though not all types of HPV actually give you warts) is spread the same way. HPV isn't a concern for you now, if neither of you have been with anyone else.
If either you or your partner have oral herpes - think cold sores - that can be transmitted to someone's genitals via oral sex. That person would then have genital herpes type 1. If you both have it, you're fine, since you can't give someone what they already have. Your body has antibodies to prevent an infection in a different place.
For both you and your partner - it's okay to say no at any time, even if you've already been sexually active with your current partner, or if you end up with someone else. No one told my generation that, so I'm telling you. :)
thank you so much for your sincerity and time. my partner does have oral herpes, but I do not. She has only performed oral sex once and not during an outbreak. I have kissed her once during an outbreak but I assume that two or three kisses passed nothing since it’s been nearly two months. Is there still a big risk ? or does the fact she had no sores at the time lower it? thank you.
It reduces the risk if she doesn't have an outbreak, but doesn't eliminate it.
90% of people who have oral hsv1 never get a cold sore, so it's possible you have it. Is there a possibility that you could get a blood test from your doctor? I don't know how open you are with your parents, or how receptive they'd be about this.
In most places, you can get tested for STDs without your parents' permission, but of course, you'd have to pay for it, and herpes testing can be expensive if you don't want to go through their insurance (assuming they have insurance and you're in the US - don't tell us where you are - this is a public site.) If you are in the UK or Canada, it's almost impossible to get a herpes blood test. If you are in the US, you can call Planned Parenthood, and ask about how much it is, if you're allowed to get tested at 14 without your parent's knowledge, etc.
I wonder since you kissed her during an outbreak and didn't get any sores yourself, if you already have it. Obviously, without testing, there's no way to know. You just have to determine if it's a risk you want to take, and at 14, it's a big decision.
There is something called asymptomatic viral shedding, which is when herpes is active on the skin but there are no symptoms. Oral herpes type 1 sheds about 25% of days evaluated, meaning that there is virus present about 25% of the time. Obviously, we don't know when that is, because it's without any symptoms.
We don't know how much virus is present, or how much virus it takes to transmit, and it's probably different for everyone.
I usually tell people that herpes isn't a good enough reason to stay in a bad relationship, or to leave a good one, but I'm usually talking to adults. Genital herpes type 1 isn't a big deal, but you're 14. It's probably a bigger deal at 14.
I want to tell you that I think you're awesome for asking these questions. I knew NOTHING at 14, certainly not even enough to know where to go ask questions. They weren't teaching us anything different in school than what they are teaching you now, either, and parents probably talked about it a lot less than they do now. So good for you. :)
90% of people who have oral hsv1 never get a cold sore, so it's possible you have it. Is there a possibility that you could get a blood test from your doctor? I don't know how open you are with your parents, or how receptive they'd be about this.
In most places, you can get tested for STDs without your parents' permission, but of course, you'd have to pay for it, and herpes testing can be expensive if you don't want to go through their insurance (assuming they have insurance and you're in the US - don't tell us where you are - this is a public site.) If you are in the UK or Canada, it's almost impossible to get a herpes blood test. If you are in the US, you can call Planned Parenthood, and ask about how much it is, if you're allowed to get tested at 14 without your parent's knowledge, etc.
I wonder since you kissed her during an outbreak and didn't get any sores yourself, if you already have it. Obviously, without testing, there's no way to know. You just have to determine if it's a risk you want to take, and at 14, it's a big decision.
There is something called asymptomatic viral shedding, which is when herpes is active on the skin but there are no symptoms. Oral herpes type 1 sheds about 25% of days evaluated, meaning that there is virus present about 25% of the time. Obviously, we don't know when that is, because it's without any symptoms.
We don't know how much virus is present, or how much virus it takes to transmit, and it's probably different for everyone.
I usually tell people that herpes isn't a good enough reason to stay in a bad relationship, or to leave a good one, but I'm usually talking to adults. Genital herpes type 1 isn't a big deal, but you're 14. It's probably a bigger deal at 14.
I want to tell you that I think you're awesome for asking these questions. I knew NOTHING at 14, certainly not even enough to know where to go ask questions. They weren't teaching us anything different in school than what they are teaching you now, either, and parents probably talked about it a lot less than they do now. So good for you. :)
you’re so sweet ): I just love to be informed. im sure it’s a possibility I have oral herpes without symptoms, seeing as my grandmother commonly has outbreaks and I’ve kissed my girlfriend thousands of times. including during outbreaks. im very thankful you’ve been so sweet and easygoing :) I’ll see what I can do about testing seeing as my mother is very against anything having to do with me and relationships, but I’m sure I could get the money and find a way to my nearest PP. But, would using insurance have to alert my mother or would it not be much of an issue ? if not, I can find ways around. Thank you once again :)
If you use your mom's insurance, she would get something in the mail called an Explanation of Benefits, or EOB. This will have the name of the place you went, your name, and the date. It will include things like "office visit", and maybe "lab tests". If you were my child, I'm sure I'd be asking why you went to PP and what testing you had done. :)
Planned Parenthood offers sliding fee scales, meaning that you pay according to your income. At 14, you might only pay according to YOUR income since you can't tell your mom. Give them a call and find out.
Is your mom against relationships for you because you're 14, or because you have relationships with other girls? There are resources for you, if you need to reach out. The Trevor Project has a Chat Space for you to connect with other young people - https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Go to Get Help, then choose Chat Space. (I haven't used it, so I can't say if it's good or not, but if you need it, give it a try. As always, never ever give out personal info online, like your real name, your location, your school name, etc.)
No need to thank me. No one told me anything at 14, and I was CLUELESS. So were most of my friends. I'm just happy you won't be. :)
Planned Parenthood offers sliding fee scales, meaning that you pay according to your income. At 14, you might only pay according to YOUR income since you can't tell your mom. Give them a call and find out.
Is your mom against relationships for you because you're 14, or because you have relationships with other girls? There are resources for you, if you need to reach out. The Trevor Project has a Chat Space for you to connect with other young people - https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Go to Get Help, then choose Chat Space. (I haven't used it, so I can't say if it's good or not, but if you need it, give it a try. As always, never ever give out personal info online, like your real name, your location, your school name, etc.)
No need to thank me. No one told me anything at 14, and I was CLUELESS. So were most of my friends. I'm just happy you won't be. :)
Hi audo26,
just some advice if you are planning on staying with you're gf and want to minimize the risk of catching herpes. I would recommend getting dental damns for whenever you guys perform oral. It's like a condom for your mouth and it's a good precautions to take. Also try eliminating SHARING any drinks or KISSING whenever there is an outbreak which is when you're at the highest risk of catching it. I wish you the best of luck for both of you and stay strong. I'm sure you'll be okay :)
just some advice if you are planning on staying with you're gf and want to minimize the risk of catching herpes. I would recommend getting dental damns for whenever you guys perform oral. It's like a condom for your mouth and it's a good precautions to take. Also try eliminating SHARING any drinks or KISSING whenever there is an outbreak which is when you're at the highest risk of catching it. I wish you the best of luck for both of you and stay strong. I'm sure you'll be okay :)
Fantastic idea, and one I should have mentioned. Thanks!
Oh and if dental dams are hard to come by where you are, you can get condoms (and they make flavored ones - I'd bet Planned Parenthood has them), and cut them open, and lay them over the vagina.
Yes planned parenthood has condoms which are free and always offer them. Also if you feel embraced about purchasing them at a store you can order them online from the comfort of your home.
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You are reading content posted in the STDs / STIs Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
